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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Okay I've been stewing over this all night so I might as well ask some advice and just let it go.

SO and I live apart, he's in NYC at his apartment and I'm in PA with my parents to keep my residency for school purposes. We lived together while he was finishing his masters and I was finishing my undergrad degree. The weekends are the only time we get to spend together, aside from telephone calls.

John was going to come to visit my family and I this weekend since I frequently take a hit for not spending my weekends free with the rest of them. However, he was sick with a flu/cold earlier this week, he's been on antibiotics since Wednesday (which I realize won't help if it's viral). He's feeling better, but said he mostly just wants a nice quiet place to relax and basically be taken care of for the weekend. No big deal, our house is out in the boonies, we have a guest room, etc.

He called the house today thinking I was off work early and my mother implied that if he was sick the polite/best thing to do would be to stay away from other people and not come to visit. I can see her point a bit, and might even agree with her except - when we came back from Costa Rica I was terribly sick with what seemed like a flu from hell, but turned out to be Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. John's Mom took care of me the entire week I was in bed, from cooking to doing laundry and generally helping us both out.

I just feel like she was terribly rude to say something like that, of the 4 people in my house, only my Dad and I work so it's not like she and my brother would be missing time from work if they got sick. And I'm hurt that SO's family seems to be so giving and accepting of me while this makes mine seem so selfish and standoffish.

Of course, I won't say anything to her, and to preempt the "you're grown, move out" arguments (valid!) this will soon be taken care of, my apartment will be finished in June :) Would you have been upset? Am I just being PMS-y and unrealistic?
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Have to add, I feel better just having typed that out! :police:
 

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I guess more than anything it would make me appreciate how kindly SU's mother treated you when you were ill.
I would have to lean toward seeing the good. She sounds like a woman who will make a fine MIL.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
OHenry said:
I guess more than anything it would make me appreciate how kindly SU's mother treated you when you were ill.
I would have to lean toward seeing the good. She sounds like a woman who will make a fine MIL.
That's a very good way to look at it, you're right - and she will make a great MIL, she's just a great person all-around.

And Nance you can't say the thread title didn't warn ya ;)
 

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I'm assuming you're not married, correct? If not, then it's a lot to ask for your family to get sick so that you can see your boyfriend. I don't know if you're engaged or not but essentially he's a boyfriend.

His mom sounds great; you'd be lucky to be related to her.

My biggest concern would be the fact that you're being pressured to spend your free weekend with your family. You see them all week and they have a problem with your visiting him on the weekends? Sounds a little controlling.

I'd keep my mouth shut, move out in June and establish some very clear boundaries once I'm not living under their roof.
 

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Jess, I'm sorry the weekend did not work out the way you planned. I would be upset, too. It's only a couple of months left till June. Just be a "good daughter" till then. I hope John feels better soon.
 

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I agree, you only have until June, and it is your Mom's house, so make nice until then. She probably should have told you to tell him, rather than doing it herself (this could be her son-in-law someday, so it would be good to avoid bad feelings) but it's still her house...and her say-so.

When you move in June, pics please! ;)
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thanks everyone, I feel much better today (after work even too) - we'll just deal with it until June. And you're absolutely right, what it comes down to is that it is HER house so we'll give up this weekend.

And MickeysMommy there will be lots of pics of the new apartment - it has a huge stained glass window in it that I can't wait to show off :D
 

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I'm glad you feel better today. I'm also sorry my first post sounded so harsh (it DID!) but I hate to see young people swamp themselves with the pettinesses of their family's behaviors. Your MIL is a gem. :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Thanks Nance, no offense taken - and very good advice as well. June is quite the gem, she's a fine southern lady :)
 
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