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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
SU and I are going out of town tomorrow afternoon for our nephew’s college graduation. I love my nephew to pieces, but this will be the first time in four years I’ve talked to or seen my MIL. I’m getting very nervous about being around her.

Long story short: I put up with way too much passive-aggressive snarkiness from her for 15 years, centering on her thinking I’m not good enough for her son. I think the main issue is she’s unhappy with her own life. Four years ago, SU and I went to counseling over this and had a long talk with her establishing boundaries as advised. She reacted by generally freaking out and saying some horrible things about me to SU. I decided I’d had enough, but encouraged SU to maintain his relationship with her. Despite what happened, she’s still his mother and I never wanted to damage their relationship. It hasn’t been exactly the same, but he’s stayed in touch and visited her.

She’s now becoming senile and from what I understand, she's more bitter and belligerent than ever. I plan to take Tums, sit as far away from her as I can, and interact with her as little as possible. Still, I’m nervous about attending the same events as her throughout the day. I know she’ll be gossiping about me under her breath as always, and if she says anything cruel directly to me, I have to hold my tongue because she’s not all there mentally anymore.

If you can spare a few good thoughts for me on Saturday--and help me find some extra patience--I’d appreciate it.
 

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Good for you for looking past the difficulties with her and putting your nephew first. I will be sending LOADS of good thoughts your way.
Don't bite too hard ;)
 

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Sending good thoughts.


Don't even give MIL the satisfaction of you being upset. Some women will never be good enough for their sons. That's her problem,not yours.
 

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Good luck Laura. Know that it isn't going to be better. Know that she isn't who she wants to be and is frustrated at where she is - so she will strike at anything or anyone who seems happy or better off. Know that biting your tongue is the best thing you can do - even if it would feel sooo good to blow - and remember - you are obviously the better person! Hope you can help your nephew enjoys his special day!
 
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Good luck, and bless you for being a good person about all of this. I imagine that to be a terribly difficult thing.

I agree with whoever said to not give her the satisfaction of seeing you upset. It pisses people off to no end when they talk smack and can't get any reaction at all.

Congrats to your nephew. I hope you get to spend some time with him that isn't too stressful.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Thanks for your support, everyone. The nephew asked to spend time with us alone, which I thought was cool, so we're taking him out to dinner tomorrow night. That'll be nice, even if I spend most of Saturday gritting my teeth.

Good point about not letting her see I'm upset. I will put on my best poker face and vent later.
 

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Not having ever been in this situation, I have no advice. However, this caught my eye:

She’s now becoming senile and from what I understand, she's more bitter and belligerent than ever.
This happened with my Grandma. I love my Grandma, but she was never the lovey sweet type. When she started with Alzheimers, she was HORRIBLE...just horrible. That only lasted a couple years though, and now she's SO sweet and so much more fun. Her memory is not good at all, and she says the same thing over and over sometimes, but she is much more pleasant to be around. So if it's any consolation, you may not mind your MIL in the years to come. Just try to look forward to that. :-\

Hope everything goes well. Just keep your mouth shut as much as possible and focus on your nephew...I think that's all you can do. Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
So if it's any consolation, you may not mind your MIL in the years to come. Just try to look forward to that.
Thank you, Janna. My MIL's own mother was sweet and became even more so as she grew older, so I am hoping someday MIL will mellow out some.


Her memory is not good at all, and she says the same thing over and over sometimes, but she is much more pleasant to be around.
Maybe my MIL will forget that she hates me. ;D
 
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