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Two years ago today, I lost my lover, companion, best friend, and husband of 35 years. He was only 55. Much too young.
It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. We were supposed to grow old together.

This day brings so much sadness to my heart. So much so, that I can’t even begin to express the depth of my sorrow.
Heartbreaking memories flood me…the doctors going from telling us he was “in remission, no sign of cancer” to “nothing we can do,” all in a matter of one single week….
Rushing him to the hospital, hearing the doctor tell me that he only had hours left to live. Sitting in my car, sobbing and screaming NO, NO, NO!
The heartbreak of having to call my children and tell them...
Watching him slide farther and farther away… waiting… watching… holding his hand…
How beautiful his smile, those few precious moments when he was alert for the last time...
The awful finality of his last breath...
The funeral, the cemetery, all the awful decisions...
The feeling that I was watching all this from a distant place -- far, far away...
My whole body feeling numb for the first days and then like I had just touched a live electrical wire for weeks afterwards…
The terror of living alone for the first time in my life…

I relive those moments again and again.

But today I will also rejoice and thank God that we had 35 years together. I will smile through my tears. I will treasure my memories of him and our life together. I will celebrate his life here on earth and will look forward to seeing him in Heaven. I will look at our three beautiful children and give thanks that we were so blessed. I will look at the granddaughter he never saw and know that he is smiling down upon her.
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He was always so positive and upbeat. Never, ever complained. He had a small card that he loved to hand to anyone who asked how he was doing, that said:

“Trust in His timing
Rely on His promises
Wait for His answers
Believe in His miracles
Rejoice in His goodness
Relax in His presence.”

I know that he is relaxing in God’s presence.

I also know that I would not be the person I am today without his love and support for all those years. He propped me up when I was down, and always bolstered my self-confidence. He always, always made me feel beautiful.

I will always love him.
 

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What a beautiful special relationship and marriage you were blessed with. May his beautiful loving memory comfort you today and always. (((hugs)))
 

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Brenda, I was thinking about you yesterday, especially when we were watching the Derby and remembering back about what you did that day. Rest in Peace Steve. Peace be with you Brenda. Your tribute to him is beautiful. Pat
 

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What beautiful memories to share. You were truly blessed with a wonderful husband and soul mate. My heart goes out to you to have lost him so young. I am so glad you can find peace in your family and memories.

{{{HUGS}}} to all of your family
 

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That brought tears to my eyes. What a tragic loss, but how wonderful that you had such a precious companion for 35 years. (((hugs)))
 

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Discussion Starter #18
By your side... may I hold your hand?
Of course. Anytime.
And same goes for you--anytime you need an ear...

Thanks to all for the hugs.
 

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What a wonderful tribute to a wonderful man. (((Hugs))) to you. Thank you for sharing that with us.
 

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What a beautiful tribute - ((hugs))
 
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