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Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection,
make him a sandwich.

Number 7

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the
Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6

Some people are like a Slinky ... not really good for anything, but you
still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of
nothing.

Number 4

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut
saves you $0.30?

Number 2

In the '60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2009:

We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the
millions and millions of cows in America , but we haven't got a clue as to
where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we
should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration...

And the
BONUS thought for today "Life is like a jar of jalapenos. What you
do today, might burn your ass tomorrow".
 
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