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Discussion Starter #1
I leave for work at 8:08 each morning.

At 8:34 two weeks ago, I get an email from John, who was still at home.

subject line: put my back out

message: can barely move

So, I email him back. "omg, what did you do? are you okay? you need anything?"

And an hour passes. I finally think that maybe I should call home, so I do.

*Ring,Ring*

Me - Hello.

Him: "OMG, you have to come home and $%^ing help me, I'm trapped in the basement".

Me: BWHAFDIFHALHAFLAJALAAF Okay, wait. What? how did you do that?

Him: Well, I was hammering the floor seperator and I probably should have stopped after I hit my thumb, but then I felt this twinge go all the way up my back and into the back of my brain.

Me: *eyes watering, lip bitten in an attempt to stifle the laughter* How did you get trapped in the basement? *then, hand over phone and hilarious laughter ensues*

Him: Well, after it took me 10 minutes to straighten up and I was all sweaty and dizzy from the pain, I tried to email you to tell you I had an emergency, you had to come home. Only emergency was too long to type, so I just wrote "put back out". Then I called work to tell them I couldnt' come in. And then, I was struck with the urge to take a dump, and that's how I got downstairs.

Me: BWHAHAHHAHHAHA! okay, wait. so how did you answer the phone?

Him: Well, I still had the phone in hand when I started my 10 minute journey down the stairs. Do you know how hard it is to get down the stairs when you are in agony? and you have to take a dump? Then, when I get downstairs, I step in cat **** (our cat uses the toilet, but like all felines, occasionally she has a cling on and finds it necessary to leave it on the bathmat down there) and did you know you can't clean cat **** off your foot when you can't bend over? (now he's speaking louder because I'm laughing sooo hard) and do you know how hard it is to take your pants off when you can't bend? or how many muscles you use in your back when you take a crap? YA! all of them!

By now I'm pissing my pants laughing. I go home to find him, like he's described, on the basement floor.

Pantless. You cannot pull your pants back up when your back is as far gone as his was. The first thing the poor ******* says to me is "Get the effing dog off me, and cover my feet up, they are freezing".

Well, that takes me 10 minutes because by now I'm collapsed on the floor laughing. Abby, who has a sense of humour as twisted as a grape vine, went downstairs to investigate why her Pa was yelling and crying, and decided to comfort him by licking his face.

Only, we have this game I call "stop it" which starts off with her licking a foot, or a leg, or a hand in a very quick furtive manner, to which I usually giggle and go "stop it" which then encourages her to lick more, and faster, turning her into Ninja Lick Abby. My friends have experienced this, and it's quite funny - when one can move.

When one can't move however, and a turn of their head is agony, the stop it game isn't quite so funny. I think you're getting the picture here - the more John said 'stop it" the more she did it, all the while getting more and more ramped up, because well, that's what we do.

Finally he had to bellow at her to just lie the $%*7 down, which she did. Between his legs, pulling the blankie off his feet. Now, Abby is not a simple lie downer -she shifts, she licks, she scratches, she moves. Not so much fun for someone splayed out on the ground with excrutiating back pains.

So, I finally got her off of him, grabbed a hot soapy cloth and cleaned the cat poop off his foot, put his slippers on, and then proceeded to try to dress him like a full grown baby, only one that you can't really move because they scream at you in pain. All the while, I am literally in pain myself from laughing so goddamned hard.

Anyways, I finally got him dressed, spent another hour getting him off the floor (in retrospect, if this happens again ever, I will skip this step, and invite friends over to laugh... no just kidding, I'll be calling 911, which I really should have done at the time)

Then we get him up the stairs. 12 minutes or longer. He's walking like a cross between a zombie looking for brains, and Quasimodo. Pure hilarity.

Anyways, he's fine now, but oh. my. god. it was hilarious. Then, later that night as I'm sitting on the couch and he's sitting in a stiff backed kitchen chair 15 feet away from me, looking all sad and lonely and hopped up on muscle relaxants/painkillers, he wants help to get to the couch to sit beside me. Awwww. So we're sitting there and it's all quiet and **** and then suddenly:

Him: You know, I don't think it was very nice of you to find such a source of amusement out of my source of pain.

Me: *blank stare* BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
 

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The poor guy. Back pain is the worst!


But OMG- LMAO. I would have been killing myself with laughter.
 

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BWAHAHAHA! That is hilarious. I am sitting here in tears, and I don't even know him! "Stop it!" LOL!
 

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Definitely hope your guy is feeling better. I hope he forgets your laughing athim by the time his back feels better. If he doesn't, you might be a victim of domestic violence. Actually, in a way, I think he already has been.

PS: In my 20s, I thought the old guys complaining of back problem were babies and quite amusing. They might have been in their 40s. In my 30s, I did a dumb thing and pulled a muscle in my back. I never had those thoughts about someone with back pain again.
 

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I can totally relate to the pain John was in, having been there myself. That truly is agony, and you never realize how many muscles you use in your back for **** near everything you do, even breathing!

However, I am literally crying because I am laughing so hard at your story! How did the bang on the thumb cause his back to go out??
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Jackie, it wasn't the bang on the thumb, it was some weird swing of the hammer - he just thought he should have stopped after he whacked his thumb LOL
 

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Discussion Starter #15
John said I was the worst, but then he conceded to only slightly awful after I reminded him that a) i came home to rescue him, b) I cleaned cat **** off his foot, c) I dressed him and d) that if I came home with this story as having happened to one of our friend's, he'd be laughing his ass off too.
 

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You are cruel and sadistic, btw did you get video?:eek:
 

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Jackie, it wasn't the bang on the thumb, it was some weird swing of the hammer - he just thought he should have stopped after he whacked his thumb LOL
Ahh, okay, that makes sense (I think). ;)

And yeah, if you had told him this story about someone else, he would have laughed until he had tears in his ass!
 

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And yeah, if you had told him this story about someone else, he would have laughed until he had tears in his ass!
Might fall under the old cowboy rule about laughing at funny cowboy wrecks, "if the cowboy dies you have to wait three days out of respect, if they don't die, or look like they are going to die, then laugh right away.":D
 

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great story!
i think reading this story has been the highlight of my day.

i would have been laughing, too. su doesn't like it when i find humor in his pain. when i try to supress the laughter, it only comes out louder and more obnoxious, but for him, i make an effort. i even try to think of really sad things when i get the sadistic giggles, but i fail. i go into convulsions, and eventually the laughter comes out, and i say "i'm sorry" in between the chuckles. i can't help it. i think it's funny.
 
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