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I apologize if this has been posted umpteen times before.

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.


Dear Dogs and Cats,



The dishes with the paw print are yours and the dishes contain

*your* food. The other dishes are mine and contain *my* food. Please

note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does

not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find

that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.



The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.

Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help

because I fall faster than you can run.



I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very

Sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to

ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball

when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each

other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that

sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other

end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.



For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If

by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it

is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get

your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit at some

time and I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline

attendance is not required.



The proper order is kiss me; then go smell the other dog or cat's

butt. I cannot stress this enough!



To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on

the front door:



To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain about our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the

furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"nature.)

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter



Remember: Instead of children, they:

1. Eat less

2. Don't ask for money all the time

3 Are easier to train

4. Normally come when called

5. Never ask to drive the car

6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends

7. Don't smoke or drink

8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions

9. Don't want to wear your clothes

10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.

And finally,

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
 

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This is my favorite part

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If

by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it

is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get

your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit at some

time and I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline

attendance is not required.
 

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eastcoastmom said:
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.

Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help

because I fall faster than you can run.
This one definitely applies to our house!
 
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