[Tucker]

I have a question that I want an unbiased answer to so I thought I would ask here...

My B/F and I just broke up...basically, he has treated me like crap for weeks and abandoned me when I was going though some major personal problems...to add insult to injury, while I was going though my personal things the reason he wasn't there for me is because some girl he went on a couple of dates with in high school got left by her husband and my B/F apparantly was the best shoulder to cry on...long story short, things between us DID NOT end well...

Here is the question...he has kids that I spent a great deal of time with and was very attached to and they were/are very attached to me...apparantly one of his kids (she is 8) is not taking the break up well and he thinks that I should continue a relationship with his kids even though he and I aren't dating...

My thought... I want a clean break...if we aren't going to be together, have no chance of getting back together, I want to move on with my life...(this is selfish of me, but one of the reasons I don't want to continue a relationship with his kids is because I don't want to know if he has a new girlfriend and I am sure at the point that he does, I will get bumped out of the picture...at least now, it is because I want out, not because I am being abandoned...which is basically what HE just did to me)

Thoughts??

 

[Wendy B.]

clean break is always best

 

[Golfgirlrobin]

Clean break, absolutely. You're a big girl and you'll get over it, but little kids get very attached and will only get more so. It'll just do more damage later when the new girlfriend decides she doesn't want you around the kid and he caves.

Frankly, he doesn't want to deal with the damage he's caused and he's trying to dump the responsibility for his kid's happiness on you. Move on.

 

[labby]

agree with the others....clean break

 

[greg1]

run

 

[Jinx]

clean break.

 

[Tucker]

Thanks for the responses! That is what I thought as well, I just wanted to be reassured...

 

[Lilprincee]

Clean break - don't even look back.

 

[zoezoe]

clean break is always best

yep. totally agree!

 

[BigBrownDog]

Yup - don't look back. In the end, his child is his responsibility. It is a shame that he let all this happen - but he did.

 

[IzzyLucyWillie]

clean break!

 

[Wendy]

I agree, it will be hard for her now, but in the long run everyone will be better off.

 

[theoconbrio]

I agree with everyone else--clean break.

BUT, I have to admit that this--

I have a question that I want an unbiased answer to so I thought I would ask here...

--makes me really worried about your judgment!

 

[patm]

I'm all for the clean break, but if you had a fairly close relationship with the kids, you might want to talk to them and say good-bye or send them a letter or something. I wouldn't try to maintain a relationship with them, but saying good-bye only seems fair.

 

[Tucker]

I agree with everyone else--clean break.

BUT, I have to admit that this--



--makes me really worried about your judgment!

Ha! Yeah - I assume you were referring to the biased/unbiasedness of the board, but I have to admit even I couldn't believe I was posting the question to the "Labrador Retriever Chat Board" ...what can I say, you guys give great advice!

 

[theoconbrio]

Ha! Yeah - I assume you were referring to the biased/unbiasedness of the board, but I have to admit even I couldn't believe I was posting the question to the "Labrador Retriever Chat Board" ...what can I say, you guys give great advice!

Well, it's not like we need to know anything about a situation to give an opinion. And then fight over it. This is a rare display of unanimity!

Sometimes it's good just to get a reality check from people who aren't caught up in the details.

 

[Tucker]

I'm all for the clean break, but if you had a fairly close relationship with the kids, you might want to talk to them and say good-bye or send them a letter or something. I wouldn't try to maintain a relationship with them, but saying good-bye only seems fair.

What do you say?? I don't think "goodbye" is that easy...there will be a million questions that I don't know how to answer, nor do I think it is my job to answer...HE was the JERK...Over the past few weeks, he has left the dirty work to me when they ask things like "When are we going to see you next" (He knew **** F***ing well we were breaking up, but he let ME stumble through that one)...for the past month, they were asking when they were going to see Tucker and he kept saying they had to ask me...meanwhile, he would tell me he didn't want Tucker around...

 

[Garth]

Frankly, he doesn't want to deal with the damage he's caused and he's trying to dump the responsibility for his kid's happiness on you. Move on.

X 1,000. He caused this predicament, not you or his kids. Let Him explain it to them.

I'm all for the clean break, but if you had a fairly close relationship with the kids, you might want to talk to them and say good-bye or send them a letter or something. I wouldn't try to maintain a relationship with them, but saying good-bye only seems fair.

Sorry, I don't agree with this (A) for the reason I already mentioned & (B) It's not fair to put that burden on the kids or you. All it will do is cause more confusion & conflict. Like I said, it's his problem so let him deal with it.

Time to declare him persona non grata & get on with your own life.

 

[patm]

Maybe I'm all off on this, but even though it IS his responsibility, it doesn't sound like he is going to deal with it. These kids aren't getting ANY explanation. When you date someone with kids, and have been with them long enough to develop a realationship with them, you DO accept some responsiblity for YOUR relationship with them. They keep asking and asking because no one has told them anything. They'll eventually quit asking, and have a little less trust in relationships with humanbeings. I can't tell you what to say, but my advice would be to not make something up, because it won't make sense to them and they'll question it. Tell the truth, but not the whole truth (don't need to tell them their Dad's a jerk - they probably already know that) You guys were dating , and sometimes it just doesn't work out. Let them know they didn't have anything to do with it, but you won't be seeing them or their dad anymore. You can even be sad with them - let them know you'll miss them, but you can't see them anymore. I know it's not easy at all, but if we adults don't take responsiblity for our actions, how can we teach kids to? This is the hard stuff.

 

[brody]

(((HUGS)))

if you wanted to write a lovely cheerful note to each of the kids making it very clear that you really valued them in your lives but their Dad and you aren't going to be together anymore they might treasure it for a very long long time - if you can't do that it's ok though a clean break is best (the note would just be part of tying up loose ends)