[Princess Zoe]

I usually don't air my laundry here but I need to today. My husband is driving me crazy. He went turkey hunting this weekend and left Makenna and I home. I had NO interest in going. I realized something for the first time this weekend. There was no difference of him being home or away this weekend. Sometimes I think I would be better off alone, then I wouldn't have to feel disappointed all the time. I did everything I normally do when he is home, which is everything. I am completely overwhelmed and he is no help. I have brought this up many times to him before and nothing ever changes. I called him this morning to see if he was on his way home and said we needed to talk about some things. His response was (in a snippy tone) "Of course we do". I asked him what is that supposed to mean and he just laughed. I was so mad I hung up on him. I feel like I am at the end of my rope.

 

[MidwestGirl]

Oh I am so sorry. My Su went turkey hunting too and then in the afternoon slept and then watched tv : HELLO...clothes don't wash themselves, or dishes and so on. I guess I am used to it after all these years...I BLOW up and then get over it. No it's not fair and I can see why you are upset. I hope after you guys talk it will be better.

Hang in there!

 

[Princess Zoe]

Clothes don't wash themselves, bills don't pay themselves, 16 months babies don't take care of themselves... This wasn't just this weekend but all of the time.

 

[imported_Aim]

Good luck with your talk. IT's always a little tense when you have to have conversations like this- because someone is always on the defensive. Or at least that is how it goes at my house! LOL.

My mom, dh and I were just talking about this on Saturday. Everyone my mom knows who has young children has the same problem- where the husband doesn't do much at all. But everyone I know with young kids, the husbands help out a lot. We aren't sure what the differences are that make it work out this way.

 

[MidwestGirl]

Sorry..has he always been like this? I mean does he help out with ANYTHING?

 

[Princess Zoe]

Sorry..has he always been like this? I mean does he help out with ANYTHING?

He used to cook, now he rarley does that. I have to harass him to cut the grass. He does not house cleaning unless there is a fight. Forget about laundry. I would actually prefer he doesn't touch the laundry but he could put it away.

 

[blacklabelias]

This is a constant battle in our house too. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and he's great with certain things. But housework.......... he is NO help!

 

[WeHeartLabs]

Sorry youre feeling overwhelmed. I hope your DH really hears you and doesn't just get defensive and angry.

I know when I am confrontational with mine, he turns me right off and I might as well be talking to the shrubbery. If I appeal to him for help...and tell him I truly NEED him to help me out, he has never let me down.

 

[regarese]

Will he have an honest to goodness conversation with you about this? Can you ask him why he doesn't help? I know it sounds silly, but maybe if you can find out what his reasoning is that will help you figure out how to get him to help.

 

[Princess Zoe]

Will he have an honest to goodness conversation with you about this? Can you ask him why he doesn't help? I know it sounds silly, but maybe if you can find out what his reasoning is that will help you figure out how to get him to help.

Honestly he usually shuts off or syays he will try to be more helpful and then is for about a week and it goes back to like it was before.

 

[Di]

How long have you been married? Not to stir the pot, but after 29 years of being with my husband and going through some tough times I have learned to pick battles and to just let somethings go! My husband is my best friend and I love him dearly, but I know he will never cook a meal, or do much cleaning. But he works hard everyday, works overtime most. I also know that I don't have to fix the cars, clean the garage, fertilize the yard and many other things that he just does. As for me, I have learned to let the little things go, lighten up on my standards and to enjoy life a little more. Now days I would of taken that trip wether I felt like it or not, just to get out of the house and hang out with my husband. The dirty dishes and laundry will be there when we return . Is your husband abusive, a drinker, do you know with all your heart that he loves you? Take care I know things can be overwhelming, but if you can work through these things the pay off is worth all the effort!

 

[regarese]

In my core, I agree with Dipete 110%. However, if you feel like you need to give it another shot at getting your point across-how about a letter or something like that left on his pile of freshly cleaned laundry? Maybe if he reads your point of view without an actual conversation where he feels he needs to be defensive, he may "hear" what you have to say.

 

[JollyMolly]

I can soooo relate. Big Giant hug from me.
My SU is gone a lot. Sometimes months at a time. Ever since his last deployment for a year to Iraq, he has gotten used to not doing anything at home. So when he is home, he still does nothing. I feel like a single mom, even when my husband IS around. It is so frustrating. My stress level is just bezerk. Yeah, I'm married, but it sure doesnt feel like it most of the time.

Lots of hugs. Vent anytime you want. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

 

[Princess Zoe]

We have been mariied for 5 1/2 years. He is not abusive, he drinks but not anything significant. I do know that he loves me. I just feel so taken advantage of a lot of the time and I am tired of it.

 

[MidwestGirl]

Just DON'T do his laundry for awhile and see how he handles it!!!

 

[imported_gabbys mom]

*soapbox*

Is your husband abusive, a drinker, do you know with all your heart that he loves you?

I don't think that should be the standard we should hold them up to, especially when they hold us to a higher one. She deserves better, just like we all do.

*soapbox*

lots of hugs.

 

[Princess Zoe]

Laurie, i could never do what you do. I have always said I couldn't deal with a husband in the military. I would hate for him to be gone all the time and I would worry about him the whole time.

 

[JollyMolly]

Laurie, i could never do what you do. I have always said I couldn't deal with a husband in the military. I would hate for him to be gone all the time and I would worry about him the whole time.

I complain about him being gone a lot, I know. I hope it didnt sound like I was saying I have it worse off than you. In fact when he is gone, at least he has a good excuse for not doing anything around here.
I just want you to know that I understand your frustrations.

 

[Princess Zoe]

I hope it didnt sound like I was saying I have it worse off than you.

I didn't think it sounded like that at all. And you do have it worse than me. I can't imagine 4 boys and on my own most of the time.

 

[Di]

*soapbox*

Is your husband abusive, a drinker, do you know with all your heart that he loves you?

I don't think that should be the standard we should hold them up to, especially when they hold us to a higher one. She deserves better, just like we all do.

*soapbox*

lots of hugs.

Sorry, wasn't saying that was the standard, just some of the big stuff, I don't think anyone should have to live with. I do think we should all expect and receive respect and love from our partner. Guess I just didn't explain myself very well. I also have never been held to a "standard", so not sure how that would feel . Guess I was just saying it made my life easier, to let some of the small stuff go, and play alittle more. That may not work for everyone and I certainly feel that any relationship is not easy,takes hard work, that being said no one should stay when it just doesn't work for them.