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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Here is a question for ya. My b/f is the sweetest man in the world. I love him so much he has so many amazing qualities, unfourtunately, one thing that he DOESNT do is be romantic. Now I know that I can expect him to be perfect, lord knows I'm not, but I would really like it if he was a little more romantic. How do I hint to him that I'd really enjoy if he did something romantic every once in a while without seeming like a complete and total *****? Now if it turns out that he just isn't a romantic guy, that's fine, I will still love him as much as I do now, but before chalking it up to that I'd like to find a way to effectivly communicate how I feel. Guys, Gals, how do you think I should approach this? TIA
 

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Paul isn't romantic - but I am so safe and secure I've (mostly) gotten over wanting an occasional romantic overture. I am loved - even if flowers don't show up - when my feet hurt, he researches consumer reports and finds me the best walking shoes money can buy. Take that long term over romance ANY DAY!
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks. He is easily the greatest man I have ever met, so loving and devoted and dedicated. I guess you are right. I should focus on all the great stuff he DOES do, instead of all the stuff he doesn't do.
 

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Do you have a vase?
Perhaps say, "Sam, lookie, my vase is empty." (big hint, right?)

I said that to SU and he replied, "Oh, you poor thing." LOL

(btw, SU is semi-romantic...he gave me a can of tuna once, while we were dating. Nowadays, he'll ocassionally bring home cut flowers, or most recently, a potted tulip plant and an avocado.) ;D

anyway, good luck.
 
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How long have you guys been together? Cody has never been very romantic. But he does little things. Two years that we have been together I never got flowers. We this past year on our 2nd ann. I got flowers are work and then again here at my new job for my birthday.

Does Sam do little things? I think how Cody figured out that I wanted him to be more romantic was because I am romantic type. I did things for him that he didnt exept and I think it just clicked. I never said RETURN THE FAVOR or anything like that.
 

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Romance doesn't just mean flowers and chocolates and candlelight.

I think Stacey's Paul researching her comfortable shoes is romantic - it's all in the way you look at it. Doing something out of the goodness of their heart, because of their love for you, that's romantic.
 

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I don't do hints. If you have a great relationship with Sam, sit down with him and TELL him that you love him and how sweet he is, ect., but that you'd really love to have some more romance. Then give him examples. Ask him if he would be willing to make an extra effort to make some romantic gestures because it would mean so much to you.
 

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Melissa said:
Romance doesn't just mean flowers and chocolates and candlelight.

I think Stacey's Paul researching her comfortable shoes is romantic - it's all in the way you look at it. Doing something out of the goodness of their heart, because of their love for you, that's romantic.
I agree. To me, my hubby taking out the trash or feeding the dogs if he gets home first is romantic. It's the little things, not candy and flowers, that shows he really loves me.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Sam and I have been dating for 2 years. No flowers for me lol. I think he gave me one flower, one time and I loved it. But its not so much flowers and stuff that I want, more just time to spend together and not worry about the day and the animals. Just time for us...being able to go out on a walk (and not talk about the day) being able to just watch a movie together, stuff like that. Just a little of that spark that was there in the begininng of the relationship. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE long term, but those fun little things from the beginning of the relationship (a nice note/letter here and there, a nice compliment, etc) is well...fun.

I've tried showing sam that I like being romantic. I do little things for him not because I expect them to be returned, but because I know I like romance and so thats how I want to express that I care to Sam. But he doesn't really seem to pick up. I feel like if I sit him down and say "hey can you be more romantic" well...thats so UNromantic lol. I don't want to TELL him to be romantic, I want him to want to be romantic. Does this make sense?
 

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I don't think hints work with some guys. You have to come right out and ask for what you want. If you hint and they don't get it you end up being sad or hurt over something they are clueless about. I am married to a not so romantic guy- hey, I got a wheelbarrow for my wedding present. He gets a lot of the other stuff right though.
 

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Apollopuppy said:
I've tried showing sam that I like being romantic. I do little things for him not because I EXPECT them to be returned, but I know I like romance and so thats how I want to express that I care to Sam. But he doesn't really seem to pick up. I feel like if I sit him down and say "hey can you be more romantic" well...thats so UNromantic lol. I don't want to TELL him to be romantic, I want him to want to be romantic. Does this make sense?
Well, I have to disagree with you there, Guilli (did I spell that right or totally butcher it?). Flowers and such are not on his radar. If you want them to be, you need to verbally and directly communicate it to him. He expresses his love for you in the way he knows. If you would like him to try a different way, you need to communicate that to him. He cannot read your mind. He can learn, however, how to express himself in a way that YOU find romantic. If you are hoping and wishing that he is going to pick up on what you are doing for him and copy it, I am afraid you are going to be sadly disappointed.

TALK to him. TELL him what you hope for. I promise, when he follows through, when he does something because you have told him that is how he can make you happy, when he strives to do what you are asking, it will be romantic. Because it means he listened and took it to heart.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Thank you for your time writing out a thought out response Momma to J and A. I really appreciate it. I will certainly take what you said to heart.

Oh and since you asked I spell my name (Giuli) thats ok, they butchered it on my own freakin birth certificate (then tried to white it out!) but thats another story for another thread lo..
 

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Allie said:
Melissa said:
Romance doesn't just mean flowers and chocolates and candlelight.

I think Stacey's Paul researching her comfortable shoes is romantic - it's all in the way you look at it. Doing something out of the goodness of their heart, because of their love for you, that's romantic.
I agree. To me, my hubby taking out the trash or feeding the dogs if he gets home first is romantic. It's the little things, not candy and flowers, that shows he really loves me.
Same here.

In fact, call me crazy - but flowers don't do much for me......a big fat waste of money, IMO. Take the kids out to dinner (without me!) and THAT is the way to get to my heart!

My SU is NOT romantic at all. But, then again - I'm not a really sappy kinda person, either.
 

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Apollopuppy said:
Oh and since you asked I spell my name (Giuli) thats ok, they butchered it on my own freakin birth certificate (then tried to white it out!) but thats another story for another thread lo..
Is it pronounced like Julie? 'cause that's how it sounds in my head!
 

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Jenn, I have to disagree. I've been with the SU for over 25 years. I got flowers once while we were dating. He is romantic in the normal ways. He feels candy, flowers, etc are a waste of money. It doesn't matter how much I tell him that I would like something like that, I'm not getting it from him. That's ok. I've learned to appreciate the ways he finds to be "romantic".
 

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buddysmom said:
Jenn, I have to disagree. I've been with the SU for over 25 years. I got flowers once while we were dating. He is romantic in the normal ways. He feels candy, flowers, etc are a waste of money. It doesn't matter how much I tell him that I would like something like that, I'm not getting it from him. That's ok. I've learned to appreciate the ways he finds to be "romantic".
I've been with DH for over 15 years. I am not really into flowers and candy specifically, but there are many things that I find romantic that did not occur to my husband. Now that he knows what I find romantic, I find it incredibly sweet when he does those thing just because he knows it makes me happy.

Of course, he has his own ways to express romance, and I appreciate those, as well.

My point to Giuli is that I have never know a man to be good at picking up hints or reading a woman's mind. If she is hoping for a certain kind of romance, she is better off communicating it to him, and finding romantic the fact that he listened, rather than waiting for him to pick up hints.
 

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I think it's in the way you look at things. My husband doesn't always bring flowers and such, however it is the little things he does that I think are romantic. He will get up early in the morning to take care of Ernie just b/c "you were sleeping so soundly" he will tell me when I wake up. I work during the evening and it is rare for me to get an evening off during the week so whenever we do he always makes a big deal about how it is our "date night" and we will go out to dinner and then watch a movie so that I don't have to spend the time cleaning dishes. Just make sure to praise him when he does those little things that make you feel special. Kind of like the puppy ;) the more you praise the behavior you want the more likely he is to repeat it ;D
 

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I also have one of those hubby's that are not romantic. But, he does lots of little things for me and those are what I love the most. He's sent flowers a few times (of course, I was working at the flower shop and the owner is also a good friend... she helped there)..... I had to sit down and just have a talk with him and it helped, mostly. There's still times where I think he just doesn't think of those little things. For example.. on my b-day or any other holiday where I'm involved, it's normal to receive nothing. But every so often he'll get me something that he knows I'll appreciate. I've even told him he doesn't have to go buy anything, no cards..... just sit down with a piece of paper and write something. He's done that a couple of times and it was really nice.

We've been together almost 17 years and married almost 16..... and it's the little things he does that I think of the most.
 
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