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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have composed the following e-mail to ask for my old boss' job. Thoughts? ? ?
_________________________________________________

I am writing to express my interest in promotion from my present XYZ position – Senior Business Development Writer – to that of Director of Communications.

My long and diverse experience prior to joining XYZ, augmented by my seven-year history here, makes me an appropriate candidate to continue the successes our fledgling department has seen within our company.

As a reminder, I am presently overseeing the messaging, direction, and publication of the XYZ quarterly newsletter; by all accounts, this has, in only two issues, risen quickly to become an effective, reliable, and popular mode of communicating to the XYZ organization.

In addition, I continue to successfully guide Request for Proposal documents toward completion, ensuring that they represent not only the highest standards from an editorial standpoint but also the latest functionalities and benefits brought to bear on XYZ potential and existing clients. My work here has not only gained me vital product knowledge, but has also sharpened my project management skills and enabled me to build trustworthy and leveragable relations among the XYZ directors and senior management – useful tools for an advancement in my career here.

Further, in working with the former Communications Director, I have offered guidance and counsel on XYZ’ new efforts to gain prominence in the financial press, from both PR and media relations perspectives. As poised as XYZ currently is for success in an environment in flux (TARP activities, Basel II guidline adherence, consolidation issues, ongoing regulatory shifts, etc.), a Communications Director with the requisite blend of financial product knowledge and writing/editing excellence will be essential.

I realize the company is currently under a number of budgetary restraints. I believe my promotion represents a sensible move from a cost perspective as well. With the current Director of Communications position vacant, filling it internally will result in a continuation of assigned duties without the expense associated with a lengthy job search.

This will, of course, require some thought on your behalf, as well as consideration among the rest of XYZ’ senior management. If you require more information about me and my history, feel free to contact me.

Thank you for your consideration.
 

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I think it's perfect! Send it!!!!

You don't think *gasp!* EC will try for it, do you??
 

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Think about including a paragraph describing how your knowledge and skills meets the requirements of those for the vacant position. (it wasn't clear to me whether this was included w/in the body).


"This will, of course, require some thought on your behalf, as well as consideration among the rest of XYZ’ senior management. If you require more information about me and my history, feel free to contact me."

I don't think this last paragraph is necessary, just something to the effect of thanking them for their consideration, that you would like the opportunity to discuss the possibility, and that any references will be available upon request.

Good luck! I think they would be wise to work internally!!
 

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dweck said:
jzgrlduff said:
I think it's perfect! Send it!!!!

You don't think *gasp!* EC will try for it, do you??
She doesn't have the background for it.

And she's made it plain that she merely wants to float outta here in 8 yrs or so and into retirement.

I can't imagine her being interested........
I used to think like that too, what I've discovered is that incompetents move ahead, it's the "unconsciously unskilled" theory!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Golfgirlrobin said:
Just a thought, but should it be in a more formal letter format rather than an e-mail?
I wondered that, too, but we're a really informal company. I wanted to come off as serious and valuable, yes, but not stodgy and haughty. My fear is that a LETTER-letter would send the wrong message. I want this to look like what it is: a request from an insider who knows not only what he's doing but also how to position information for the audience.

Sorta form-follows-function.
 

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My long and diverse experience prior to joining XYZ, augmented by my seven-year history here, makes me an appropriate candidate to continue the successes our fledgling department has seen within our company.

Change appropriate to excellent. Appropriate sounds average.

In addition, I continue to successfully guide Request for Proposal documents toward completion,...

I would drop the 'In addition' and 'continue to' so that it reads, "I successfully guide Request for Proposal documents toward completion,..."

As poised as XYZ currently is for success...

Could the first as just be deleted so that it reads, "Poised as XYZ currently is for success..."?

Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
kaisdad said:
My long and diverse experience prior to joining XYZ, augmented by my seven-year history here, makes me an appropriate candidate to continue the successes our fledgling department has seen within our company.

Change appropriate to excellent. Appropriate sounds average.

In addition, I continue to successfully guide Request for Proposal documents toward completion,...

I would drop the 'In addition' and 'continue to' so that it reads, "I successfully guide Request for Proposal documents toward completion,..."

As poised as XYZ currently is for success...

Could the first as just be deleted so that it reads, "Poised as XYZ currently is for success..."?

Good luck!
Good stuff, Cam. Thx!!!!!
 
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