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Disclaimer not meant to offend or put down organized religion. I am not trying to stir the pot or start a debate!
So as I have opened up and shared on here back in October I had a very bad break down and was hospitalized for a short time. I have struggled with severe depression and anxiety since I was about 4-5 years of age. Really it was when I was able to understand what exactly was happening around me in our home. I then at age twelve developed an eating disorder and became a cutter though I self mutilated other ways when I was younger.
Anyways when I was hospitalized my mom reasonably vented to her friends not knowing exactly what to do. Which really she didn't have to do anything since I was 20 and a legal adult. But she never left me and I am so thankful for that. Well fast forward to now and with the help of out patient therapy and group along with a few different meds I am alot happier and feel like im making progress. So the other day I notice this blue book in a grocery store bag. Being my nosy curious self I pulled it out and realized it was a bible. So I turned to my mom and said in a confused tone "You bought a bible?" and she just smiles and says no that a guy from work who knows about my problems sent it for me. I remembered this man because I remember him telling my mom that I was on his churches prayer list.
My first reaction was that he was really sweet. And I might occasionally leaf through the book. My second reaction was that I really wasent fan of the title of the book. It was "A Guide How To Find Jesus".
You gotta know this to understand me. My mom was raised in a ultra conservative church where movies and dancing were banned and dresses and long hair was the only way a girl should look. She always told me how she felt stifled and when she was 18 she rebeled. She cut her hair very short and went out to the drive in to see The Exorcist. She also eventually became pregnant with my brother. Both my older brother and sister have some church experiences because my grandparents took them on sundays occasionally. They also were both baptised. But when I was born things weren't the same. I wasent baptised and I never went to church except for weddings or funerals. BUT I have always beleived in god and jesus. I have never read the bible but I like to beleive there is a heaven. No one told me this was what I should beleive I just decided on my own.
Did I go through a period when I wasent so sure? Yes I did.
Point is though the gesture was sweet the title really put me off. Because I don't feel that I need to find Jesus. I especially don't feel that I need to sit in church every sunday to find him either. Of course I used to feel guilty in the past for not being a "church goer". I especially remember when I was in First grade and I let it slip that I wasent baptised. To which a group of kids promised me that I was going to hell. I remember I cried for days. I guess you could call me a liberal christain though I really don't like to label it. I know now that im not going to hell for not being baptised. Im also not going because I cuss or engage in many what I consider "small sins". I really think hell is reserved for the murderers, rapists, and abusers.
Again I am very very sorry if I offended anyone. I am not trying to spark a debate at all. I just needed to vent alittle about it. Im not mad at the man at all and most likely I will open the bible and read it. I just really wish it had a different title.
MAJOR PLUS!!! Its an easy to read version lol.
So as I have opened up and shared on here back in October I had a very bad break down and was hospitalized for a short time. I have struggled with severe depression and anxiety since I was about 4-5 years of age. Really it was when I was able to understand what exactly was happening around me in our home. I then at age twelve developed an eating disorder and became a cutter though I self mutilated other ways when I was younger.
Anyways when I was hospitalized my mom reasonably vented to her friends not knowing exactly what to do. Which really she didn't have to do anything since I was 20 and a legal adult. But she never left me and I am so thankful for that. Well fast forward to now and with the help of out patient therapy and group along with a few different meds I am alot happier and feel like im making progress. So the other day I notice this blue book in a grocery store bag. Being my nosy curious self I pulled it out and realized it was a bible. So I turned to my mom and said in a confused tone "You bought a bible?" and she just smiles and says no that a guy from work who knows about my problems sent it for me. I remembered this man because I remember him telling my mom that I was on his churches prayer list.
My first reaction was that he was really sweet. And I might occasionally leaf through the book. My second reaction was that I really wasent fan of the title of the book. It was "A Guide How To Find Jesus".
You gotta know this to understand me. My mom was raised in a ultra conservative church where movies and dancing were banned and dresses and long hair was the only way a girl should look. She always told me how she felt stifled and when she was 18 she rebeled. She cut her hair very short and went out to the drive in to see The Exorcist. She also eventually became pregnant with my brother. Both my older brother and sister have some church experiences because my grandparents took them on sundays occasionally. They also were both baptised. But when I was born things weren't the same. I wasent baptised and I never went to church except for weddings or funerals. BUT I have always beleived in god and jesus. I have never read the bible but I like to beleive there is a heaven. No one told me this was what I should beleive I just decided on my own.
Did I go through a period when I wasent so sure? Yes I did.
Point is though the gesture was sweet the title really put me off. Because I don't feel that I need to find Jesus. I especially don't feel that I need to sit in church every sunday to find him either. Of course I used to feel guilty in the past for not being a "church goer". I especially remember when I was in First grade and I let it slip that I wasent baptised. To which a group of kids promised me that I was going to hell. I remember I cried for days. I guess you could call me a liberal christain though I really don't like to label it. I know now that im not going to hell for not being baptised. Im also not going because I cuss or engage in many what I consider "small sins". I really think hell is reserved for the murderers, rapists, and abusers.
Again I am very very sorry if I offended anyone. I am not trying to spark a debate at all. I just needed to vent alittle about it. Im not mad at the man at all and most likely I will open the bible and read it. I just really wish it had a different title.
MAJOR PLUS!!! Its an easy to read version lol.
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