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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Yesterday, I went to pick Savannah and Alexa up in the back carpool line. They were not there. I checked the front carpool, not there. I checked the park, I didn't see them. Made my way slowly back to the house looking for them, thinking maybe they walked with the weather warming. NO SIGNS. I then waited in the driveway, watching for them while I was texting with a friend. Perhaps they were in the tunnel or still inside the school when I went to pick them up. They should appear or call anytime now.

YES, FINALLY, 20 minutes later, I get a call from Savannah to pick them up in front of the school.

When I heard what happened, MY HEART STOPPED.

When school let out, Alexa told Savannah that I told her we were to meet up at the park. I did not tell Alexa this. Savannah, against her better judgement, followed what Alexa said. Savannah went to the park, looking for me, but Alexa strayed from her and went to the pond, by HERSELF. She has been told NEVER EVER LEAVE SAVANNAH'S SIDE. Grrrrr.....

While at the pond, she tried to walk on the ice on the edge of the pond and fell through. NO ONE KNEW SHE WAS THERE. NO ONE TO HELP HER. She managed to grab the mud on the edge and climb out of the freezing water.

Here... my brain stops... OVERWHELMED with what ifs... and I shouldn't have been texting and waiting. I should have driven back. I guess I have been so comfortable with Savannah's high level of reliability... I.... I don't know what to think. HOW COULD I?

I really wish someone would beat the crap out of me.... it would be better than my thoughts.
 

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OMG Shanna. :eek: How old is Alexa again? To me, it sounds like she made the whole thing up because she wanted to check out the pond, and knew you and Sav wouldn't let her. What did she tell you?

Don't kill yourself with the "what ifs". You didn't know. Just thank God she is OK!
 

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Stop beating yourself up Shanna. NOTHING short of following them around all day would have prevented this. Thankfully she is fine. She made a bad choice. Kids do it all the time. It's called learning!
Why did she decided to make that choice that day? You may never really know. Hopefully she learned from it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Alexa is 8 years old now. (can you believe that?)
What was her excuse? She didn't have one. She just wanted to go to the pond.
YES, she learned from it, BUT she is going to make me crazy. She knows she is NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER supposed to be around a body of water without an adult. SHE KNOWS THIS.

No, I didn't punish her. It scared the crap out of her. I just hugged her, held her and put her in a warm bath.... and seriously had to reflect on myself as a mother.
 

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No, I didn't punish her. It scared the crap out of her. I just hugged her, held her and put her in a warm bath.... and seriously had to reflect on myself as a mother.
That is reflecting on you as a mother. A good one.
 

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Scary!!

But do not beat yourself up. As easy as it is to say, try not to think of the what ifs. I'm a what iffer too. And it can just eat you up inside.

She is ok. She is not hurt. Hopefully she learned her lesson.

I would think due to your location and her age, she had no clue about thin ice and how dangerous it can be. Hopefully she now knows to steer clear of bodies of water.
 

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None of this is your fault Shanna.

I would have an issue with Alexa - in addition to her risk taking and subseqent major scary event - she lied to her sister and was manipulative. That would be a long discussion (with some consequences) with her if she were mine. I'm sure that she has learned to stay off the ice now - has she learned not to lie?
 

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Shanna! Not your fault! How scary for you all - and I know you - you are a great parent! You worry more about those kids than anything else - how will this affect them - that affect them - what if, what if, what if...Talk to Alexa about the fact she lied and betrayed your trust...and rexplain WHY no go by water alone...and hug them tight! HUGS FOR YOU TOO!
 

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You did nothing wrong here. You went where they were supposed to be and looked for them, then you went home to see if they were there or wait for them. What else could you do? You can't drive all over creation, when maybe they're trying to reach you at home. I think Alexa has learned a valuable lesson here.

I think when you have all calmed down from this that you should have a little group discussion about what could have happened that day.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
None of this is your fault Shanna.

I would have an issue with Alexa - in adition to her risk taking and subseqent major scary event - she lied to her sister and was manipulative. That would be a long discussion (with some consequences) with her if she were mine. I'm sure that she has learned to stay off the ice now - has she learned not to lie?


GOOD POINT. Thank you for addressing this. My thoughts have not been able to move beyond the event. I shall address this.
 

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I am so glad she is ok. How terrifying. We can't be with them 24/7, all we can do is instill in them the skills, and values we hope they will carry with them through life. As mentioned alrady, she made a bad choice, and thankfully one that did not cost her her life. You have used this as an opportunity to reinforce those skills and values, and that is good parenting.

((Hug))
 

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None of this is your fault Shanna.

I would have an issue with Alexa - in adition to her risk taking and subseqent major scary event - she lied to her sister and was manipulative. That would be a long discussion (with some consequences) with her if she were mine. I'm sure that she has learned to stay off the ice now - has she learned not to lie?
Echoing this too, so important. ((more hugs))
 

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I think I can say this to you, since everyone is okay.

I am going to scope this to those over 40, maybe over 30. I am not sure when the current phoebias began. I know that our DIL drives us nuts, as well as many others currently raising young children. I do not want any harm coming to any child. But please people, these kids have to learn, they have to grow up, they have to learn to take some responsibility for themselves, their actions. They have to get hurt, and cry, and learn that was not a good thing to do. We can not protect them from every hazard in this world. We will not be here to protect them forever. They will get some scars. They will break some bones. They will fall off their bikes. They will play with guns (toy guns). If they don't get real toys guns from their parents, they will pretend a bent stick is a gun, they will shape one with the hand and index finger. They aren't real, they are fantasy, they are playing. All my friends had toy guns, we shot each other. Not one of us has ever shot anyone as an adult. We did not become criminals because we played with toy guns. So many examples, so many new rules for parents because of studies done by people with an agenda.

Shana, Your kids stretched the limits, tested the line. They managed to get themselves scared from the danger they experienced. They scared the hell out of you. Everyone survived, everyone is safe. Everyone learned something from it. It is part of life, it happens. The result is good. Be thankful! Figure out how to apply the lesson to the future and STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP!
 

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I think I can say this to you, since everyone is okay.

I am going to scope this to those over 40, maybe over 30. I am not sure when the current phoebias began. I know that our DIL drives us nuts, as well as many others currently raising young children. I do not want any harm coming to any child. But please people, these kids have to learn, they have to grow up, they have to learn to take some responsibility for themselves, their actions. They have to get hurt, and cry, and learn that was not a good thing to do. We can not protect them from every hazard in this world. We will not be here to protect them forever. They will get some scars. They will break some bones. They will fall off their bikes. They will play with guns (toy guns). If they don't get real toys guns from their parents, they will pretend a bent stick is a gun, they will shape one with the hand and index finger. They aren't real, they are fantasy, they are playing. All my friends had toy guns, we shot each other. Not one of us has ever shot anyone as an adult. We did not become criminals because we played with toy guns. So many examples, so many new rules for parents because of studies done by people with an agenda.
Shana, Your kids stretched the limits, tested the line. They managed to get themselves scared from the danger they experienced. They scared the hell out of you. Everyone survived, everyone is safe. Everyone learned something from it. It is part of life, it happens. The result is good. Be thankful! Figure out how to apply the lesson to the future and STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP!
There are many new rules and new fears that parents have to sort through. I'm glad I'm done, I thank God everyone survived. If todays generation had to review my parenting skills I'd be arrested. 20 years ago my parenting skills were acceptable to society. Today I would be shunned.

I feel sorry for young parents. They're damned if they do and damned if they dont'. They are scared of predators on the street and predators that attack them at home through the internet connection. You can't leave a child in a car for ten seconds while you grab a gallon of milk from the convenience store without someone calling child services. I'm not kidding you can be charged for endangerign the welfare of a child if they are found sitting in their child seats in a locked car with engine off. No matter if its is ten minutes or not.

I was a bad parent. My kids drank from garden hoses and played in streams ponds and puddles. They climbed trees. They rode bikes without full body armor. They settled their differences with their friends on their own terms with no help from adults. Gasp! They even played unorganized sports and made up rules as they went along!

My parents should have gotten the death penalty.

Did you know we rode in the backseat without child seats? hell I don't even think there were seat belts back there!
We washed before we ate and after using the bathroom . What kind of parenting is that! Not once did my mom wipe down the grocery cart with napalm before we got in. I actually touched the handle and probably put my fingers in my mouth. I think my mom was trying to kill me with germs!

Did you know we were not allowed to sit in front of the TV all day? Nope my mom sent us outside! yep we were sent outside to play and we had to come up with our own activities! It's amazing we made it to adulthood using our own imagination,making up our own rules and settling differences with our friends without parental advice.

My parents had rules that we needed to obey. Enforcement of the rules? I could do a 'Timeout" standing on my head. There was no "Timeout" A parent during the sixties would laugh at that concept .
Reasoning with me to help me understand what I did wrong? Yeah. Good one. That only worked after someone shook up the can of whoop ass and then told me why the can exploded all over me.

Whether parenting today is more effective than past parenting generations, only time will tell. The trend appears to be towards more troubled youth and young adults. More and more teens and young adults can't make their own decisions (look at college students these days and helicopter moms) drop out rates are on the rise. Violent crimes are being perpetrated by younger criminals.
 

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Labs4life,

I think we must have grown up on the same block, at the same time. But with you admissions on this public forum, I am going to have to alert the authorities. You are headed for some hard time in the lock up.<g>

Our kids rode from MN to PA to FL to MN many times. In the back of a Ford F250 van. No seat belts. NO SEATS!!!! We talk about those fun times often and how their kids will never get to enjoy them.

One day a week, I take one of our granddaughters to a speech therapy class, from her regular daycare, and back. I drive a convertible. It is not made to accept approved carseats. So, DW and I switch cars on Mondays, so I can take her in the SUV. NEVER would have happened in the 50s, or the 80s, but is happensin the '00s and '10s.
 

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Labs4life,

I think we must have grown up on the same block, at the same time. But with you admissions on this public forum, I am going to have to alert the authorities. You are headed for some hard time in the lock up.<g>

Our kids rode from MN to PA to FL to MN many times. In the back of a Ford F250 van. No seat belts. NO SEATS!!!! We talk about those fun times often and how their kids will never get to enjoy them.

One day a week, I take one of our granddaughters to a speech therapy class, from her regular daycare, and back. I drive a convertible. It is not made to accept approved carseats. So, DW and I switch cars on Mondays, so I can take her in the SUV. NEVER would have happened in the 50s, or the 80s, but is happensin the '00s and '10s.
The strange thing is I'm sure my great grand parents didn't appove of the way my grandparents raised my Mom and Dad and so on and so forth.

I'm not sure how much has actually changed over the years. There were just as many "dangers" out there in 1930 as there are today. I just think peoples fear of dangers has increased.
 
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