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Discussion Starter #1
My b/f has 2 kids...age 10 (boy) and 12(girl)...great kids, we get along really well...

Ex-wife...TOTAL *******...while I know there are 3 sides to every divorce, I honestly can't find ANYTHING redeeming about her and told my b/f that if he hadn't met her in high school, I would seriously question his judgment...(early on in our relationship she put the family dog to sleep because she didn't want the responsibility of caring for it...b/f would have taken it, I would have taken it, b/f's mother would have taken it, MY mother would have taken it...she said it was HER decision and this is what she chose)

Anyway, one of my peeves (and my b/f agrees) is that his ex seems very "ghetto"...the way she talks, the e-mails and texts she sends, the things she does, etc...

The problem...I see it rubbing off on the daughter and it drives me NUTS! A few weeks ago, we were talking about something, I don't remember what but she put her hand in my face as if to say "talk to the hand"...needless to say, I nipped that in the bud, told her she needed to rethink who she was talking to because I won't tolerate that kind of disrespect ( b/f backed me up)...

The latest (and what I need advice on) is that she posts things on my Facebook page that are either inappropriate or sound like she is illiterate...it is incredibly embarrassing...I can't "de-friend" her...I have told her before that she can't post those dumb FB quizzes on my page (and she hasn't recently), but she comments to my posts and I just cringe...my b/f has spoken to her and I think he is equally embarrassed but is also at a loss as to what else to say or do...

My dad passed away a week and a half ago...I posted on my FB page...I had a ton of friends, colleagues, etc post sincere, sweet messages...b/f daughter posted "So sory 4 ur lose :( " ...I was SO irritated...b/f agreed and told me to just delete it, which I did and he spoke to her, but I am still irritated...going forward, how should I handle this or what should I say? Every time she types something, she types it in "ghetto form" and I just see her white trash mother shining through...I am afraid one of these days I am going to explode...any ideas on how to convey it isn't "cool" and she looks dumb and illiterate every time she does it??
 

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think of it as kidspeak rather than ghetto and you may find it more tolerable ...
 

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You can defriend her. Just go to your profile, click on all friends, go down the list, find her name and click remove. There is also a way you can block people completely. I know because my daughter did it to me. The ghetto thing. That' s unfortunately very common with kids these days. Thinks it makes them "cool". Good luck.
 

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think of it as kidspeak rather than ghetto and you may find it more tolerable ...
I agree with this. I think it has more to do with the fact that she is 12 than it has to do with her mom. I got this text message from my 16.5 year old son today: Can u stop @ subway wen ur on ur way home. He knows it drives me crazy, and still does it. If he typing a paper for school, he has spell check so at least he doesn't look iliterate all of the time. I type text messages with capitalization, punctuation, and every word spelled out; so I know he doesn't get it from me.
 

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Discussion Starter #5 (Edited)
I can physically de-friend her, I know how...it would just cause BIG problems if I did...

I have tried thinking of it as "kidspeak", but her spelling in general is ATROCIOUS so it just drives me NUTS...I think it would be one thing if I felt she KNEW the difference or could turn it off when it is inappropriate, but she doesn't...her 12 year old cousin who also uses "kidspeak" on her FB page was able to post a "normal", sweet, thoughtful message on mine...

Also, texting, I get it...I can stomach it...as much as it annoys me, I can stomach it...but when you have a FULL computer keyboard in front of you or you are writing in long hand?!?! Come on!!
 

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My husband and I both defriended my younger daughter for pretty much the same thing. We were mortified at some of her postings. I made a point to tell her first why we were both going to defriend her. I don't buy it as Kid speak or the younger generation. They need to know what is acceptable and to whom. I guess they need to know boundaries and those boundaries need to be enforced.
 

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You can also block her from seeing your posts. She's still a "friend" but your status updates don't show up on her wall. That might help. I have a lady from church who is a "friend" of mine, but she doesn't see my statuses. Just an idea. I think you have to go under account, privacy settings, and then find status privacy?? Let me know if you want to do it and need more help.
 

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While I completely understand your frustration (I'm also a spelling/punctuation/grammar nut), at least she feels close enough with you to want to interact and post. Maybe another conversation about why it bothers you, and if that doesn't minimize the problem, then whatever privacy settings would allow you to still be friends but not have her able to post might be in order. You can tell I'm not on FB.
 

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I agree, block her so she can't post on your page. Explain to her first why you are doing it and tell her that when she learns to correspond properly, she'll be allowed back.
 

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I guess my response would depend on just how badly you're trying to ruin this great relationship with your boyfriend's daughter. Because, when you finally get her upset enough that she doesn't want to see you and doesn't want to spend time with him because you are always there, who do you think the boyfriend is going to pick? Here's a hint, not you.

You get along great and her grammar is not your responsibility. Stay out of it. If you can't get over your embarassment over her; then BF is going to get irritated soon enough that you feel his daughter is an embarassment, and once again, the situation will take care of itself.

Personally, I'm impressed that a 12 year old would be thoughtful enough to want to post her feelings after your father died. But rather than a thank you, she got a lesson in grammar.
 

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I agree with Golfgirlrobin. She's at an age when using text language is cool, even if inappropriate for a particular audience. She'll learn about audience soon--you've already started her on the right direction. Kids outgrow this stage by the time they are 17 or 18; they don't take the text language to college classes.
 

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I guess I can speak from several sides of this. I was a " step- child", had the best step " mom" in the world, man I always hated that term. She was our Mom, no doubt about it. Oh and I was and still am the worst speller in the world. I learned from an early age that respect was expected, no if's and or buts about it. Our "Mom", taught us that, in a kind and loving way, but as I said it was expected.
As far as the spelling went, I learned to live with a dictionary close to me, and think spell check is the best thing ever invented. I think your bf's daughter is old enough to learn the lesson, and no matter what her " real" mom expects, she should know at your house, " these are the rules" I think being a step parent is the hardest job in the world, sounds like your SU supports you, and that is great. I always wished all 3 of my parents had written a book on how to do this " Divorced family" right, because they did it! Remember she is 12, she will push the envelope and your nerves time and time again, its sort of her job right now, see Dan's thread- it is your job to love her, be understanding, but let her know exactly what you expect- Good luck with it all - Di Oh yeah if it were my daughter, I wouldnt be the one that was adjusting my facebook page, not that I'm on facebook, put it would be her, and she would be off of it until she knew how to use it appropriately- but then I was one of those really mean parents;) I know I said it in my thread this weekend, but just wanted to say again- I am so sorry for the loss of your Father (((HUGS)))
 

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i also agree with GGR. while you may not like her grammar, her heart was in the right place. that should be your focus.

my daughter's grammar isnt always the best, but its never an embarrassment to me when she posts on my page. quite the opposite.
 

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I think you are way overreacting. Seriously, the girl is 12. Now, if she had put something like "haha, ur old man is dead" that would be one thing. But not all kids learn to spell or have the talent to spell correctly. It's not really a grammar issue from what I can tell there. Even if she speaks ebonically it is not so much grammar as slang. Anyway, I agree with the others that you should pick your battles. Why should this be so embarrassing to you? She's TWELVE. And if you have a friend or colleague that would message you about someone's comment on facebook simply based on grammar, then they are an *******. Unless she is posting something rude or blatantly inappropriate I think you need to step back and divorce your feelings about the ex from the child. Facebook is not about proper etiquette, spelling, grammar, etc. and the fact that she wants to be friends, reads your posts, comments at all tells me that she at least likes you enough for that. I have had several stepmothers and believe me, if any of them had treated me this way, I would be hurt and confused. And if it really annoys you, restrict that she cannot post to your wall or see posts made by others. Problem solved.
 

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Sounds like its a good idea my Step-mom and I aren't raising kids these days, actually I'm REALLY glad I'm not raising kids these day's:peace:
 

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I guess my response would depend on just how badly you're trying to ruin this great relationship with your boyfriend's daughter. Because, when you finally get her upset enough that she doesn't want to see you and doesn't want to spend time with him because you are always there, who do you think the boyfriend is going to pick? Here's a hint, not you.

You get along great and her grammar is not your responsibility. Stay out of it. If you can't get over your embarassment over her; then BF is going to get irritated soon enough that you feel his daughter is an embarassment, and once again, the situation will take care of itself.

Personally, I'm impressed that a 12 year old would be thoughtful enough to want to post her feelings after your father died. But rather than a thank you, she got a lesson in grammar.
I completely agree with this. If she were your own child and this was the battle you chose to pick - then OK - make a mountain out of what I feel is a molehill - but she's not. It's your pet peeve - but she is not your kid to fix.

I think it is amazing that she is open to you and concerned for your feelings. I am sure that life with her mother is no picnic - maybe she needs a positive adult female as a role model? You could build on that and - in time - influence her in a more subtle manner.

I guarantee you she will grow out of this brand of communication - but if you make this such a big issue - I doubt you will be on the receiving end of much future communication at all.
 

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She'll be fine as long as she don't come to this board and the language Nazi's take her on.

That is as long as she learns there is a time and place for everything. If not, she'll go through life with everyone thinking she's ignorant.
 

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Going with Robin on this one. Your not even step mom yet so I would probably chill out a little if you like your relationship. She is 12 yrs old, does she have any spelling issues @ school? I think bf is going to get sick of you getting annoyed real quick. Also calling her mom white trash is counterproductive, you might not like the choice he made, but the man has children, respect that. Divorce is never easy, but divorce and then getting a stepmom who hates your mom, that really isn't easy! I would say back off and get to know this girl w/out putting words like "white trash" or "ghetto" on her. Right now we could put "ugly" and "crappy attitude" on you...
 

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She'll be fine as long as she don't come to this board and the language Nazi's take her on.

That is as long as she learns there is a time and place for everything. If not, she'll go through life with everyone thinking she's ignorant.
I think that is just excepted these days Glen! I just didn't realize how out of touch with parenting I was! This thread answers alot of questions for me though:doh:
 
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