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Discussion Starter #1
We haven't seen her or heard from her since a week before Christmas. Her house is about 10 minutes from ours, but she's been in Scranton, PA, taking care of her mother. Her mother is 94 and recently had hip surgery and she can't get around on her own. I understand that and I completely empathize with her for that. The last time we saw her, she invited us to her house for pizza to meet the new boyfriend (who also lives in Scranton). We didn't hear a peep from her on Christmas, no card, no gifts. My husbands birthday was January 10th, no call, no card, nothing. She hasn't seen our boys in I don't know how long, at least a year and she never bothers to call them. :phone:

I'm starting to get pissed, to be honest. Again, I understand that she's taking care of her mother, but ****, pick up the phone once in awhile!! My husband has called her cell several times but she never answers. Can't leave her a voicemail because she doesn't know how to retrieve them. He called Grandma's house several times (no answering machine) and FINALLY got a hold of her about a month ago, just to make sure she was OK. She was short with him, and barely told us anything. OH, except to say that new boyfriend asked her to marry him. She said she didn't love him, but he told her he'd build her a house if she would. She was actually considering it. Nice. My sweet old, very christian, bible verse quoting mother-in-law.

*end rant*
 

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You're pissed; I'd consider myself lucky.

You need to look at this with more of a half-full attitude. You're not being forced to deal with a MIL, half-full!!!
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I know, but this is not like her at all, Robin. We called her "the popper" (lovingly) because she used to pop in on us once a week, unannounced. She never has an ill word to say about anyone. Paul's Dad died 12 years ago and up until this past fall, she talked about him constantly still. I just don't get it.
*sigh*
 

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Maybe she's just enjoying the newness of the boyfriend's companionship while dealing with the stress of caring for her VERY elderly mother. Maybe she used to pop in all the time because she had noone else to share her life with and she wanted some company. (I remember her inviting you to meet the new b/f... how did Paul take to that in the end?)
 

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I would be mad too. That sucks that she wouldn't answer the phone or return calls, and not calling her son on his birthday . . . I would have been worried sick. It always scares me to hear someone promise something big to get someone to marry them. My husband's parents got divorced when he was a little kid, and his dad re-married when he was 8 or so. His dad died about 18 years ago, but he has remained close with his step-mom. She remarried a few years ago, because he promised her that she could retire if she married him. She retired, sold her house, and they now live in a little, old, dirty trailer. It’s sad. Desperate people are unpredictable, and he would scare me.
 

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I know, but this is not like her at all, Robin. We called her "the popper" (lovingly) because she used to pop in on us once a week, unannounced. She never has an ill word to say about anyone. Paul's Dad died 12 years ago and up until this past fall, she talked about him constantly still. I just don't get it.
*sigh*
Geez, now I feel badly about being all flip about it. Now I feel like maybe she's just depressed and somebody needs to head out there for a weekend and pop in on her and grandma for a face to face. Dead husband, mom getting old and not well, boyfriend she doesn't really love but seems willing to put up with. It's show up at the door time.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Oh no, don't feel bad! :) She slips back into town once a week to get mail, pay bills, etc. Never calls though, or stops by. Nah, I don't think we'll be making that 2 hour trip in the near future.

But Nance, she says she doesn't even love him. If she did I could see that maybe.....
We met him and we both actually really liked him. Paul liked him immediately because he is hysterical and reminded us both alot of his Dad, as well as HER father who passed away years ago.
 

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Geez, now I feel badly about being all flip about it. Now I feel like maybe she's just depressed and somebody needs to head out there for a weekend and pop in on her and grandma for a face to face. Dead husband, mom getting old and not well, boyfriend she doesn't really love but seems willing to put up with. It's show up at the door time.
I agree with you. At least you'll see her and make sure she's okay. Hopefully, she's just wrapped up in the new boyfriend, but that's not a good excuse for skipping Christmas and your husband's birthday.
 

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She doesn't have to be teenage head-over-heels in love with the man to thoroughly enjoy and WANT his companionship! And who knows! Maybe she really is in love with him but feels you might disapprove of that "notion" at her age.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Maybe she really is in love with him but feels you might disapprove of that "notion" at her age.
I don't think so Nance...we're very open and honest with eachother about everything. Brutally honest in some cases. So I really don't think that's it.
 

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Geez, now I feel badly about being all flip about it. Now I feel like maybe she's just depressed and somebody needs to head out there for a weekend and pop in on her and grandma for a face to face. Dead husband, mom getting old and not well, boyfriend she doesn't really love but seems willing to put up with. It's show up at the door time.
Agree 100%. It may not need the whole weekend BUT since there's been such a BIG change in "Popper's" behavior and attitudes, it really does deserve a first hand look-see. She may be depressed and very overwhelmed, barely functioning.


 

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If it were me- I'd may the two hour trip to see her and make sure everything is ok. For her to change her behavior so suddenly seems strange. Like something may be going on.
 

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How stressful Amy, I'm sorry! I agree with Bob and Aim that a visit to her would be a good idea.
 

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I have a very good friend in Scranton. If you would like, I could have him check in on your MIL regularly and report back. He might even be good at suggesting she stay in contact with her family.

I have another not so good friend with a tarnished past and from an ethnic background that had a poor reputation in the 20s and 30s. (I had my first interface with the local police because I was rather successfull defending myself from one of his attempts to coerce me.) I can probably contact him (my other friend told me that he was released about 6 months ago.) and he has this way of eliminating problems.

Scranton is such a wonderful city.:rant:
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I have a very good friend in Scranton. If you would like, I could have him check in on your MIL regularly and report back.
Awww that's sweet, Ed.
We're going to get in touch with her this weekend. Hopefully.
 

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You are clearly in over your head with this, Amy. You need to spend $253 on my booK "Why Animals Have it Right by Eating their Young," available at Amazon. It's a fascinating study of familial relationships. In it, I'll lead you through creating a family gizmonome, which will track patterns of behavior for 38 of your last generations.

While I wait for you to give me your AmEX number, let's begin: Your great-great-great Aunt Hortense. Did she suck her own toes?
 

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You are clearly in over your head with this, Amy. You need to spend $253 on my booK "Why Animals Have it Right by Eating their Young," available at Amazon. It's a fascinating study of familial relationships. In it, I'll lead you through creating a family gizmonome, which will track patterns of behavior for 38 of your last generations.

While I wait for you to give me your AmEX number, let's begin: Your great-great-great Aunt Hortense. Did she suck her own toes?
You brought up your brother and your issues and now you're pissed because Bob gave you his professional opinion? Ignore it, if you want, but there's no need to mock well-intended advice...
 
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