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Katie was adopted from China when she was 7 months old. She is not 8 and in GR 2.
From the beginning, we spoke about the fact that she was adopted and shared her story with her. She has never really ASKED questions about the abandonment, adoption process.
Today I took her and her friend to the 3D version of Meet the Robinson's. I was expecting Disney fun without much of a message and boy was i WRONG! Adoption is a central theme in the movie. The director of the film was adopted. The messages in the movie, and there are many, are all good ones, Keep Moving Forward, families can "look" lots of ways, dont ever give up, your parents dont have to be the people who conceived and birthed you. Although the mother leaving the baby on the steps of the orphanage is a tad dated, something that happened decades ago. But that bit was important for the rest of the story.
We dropped Katie's friend off and as soon as the door closed She asked me did I think she had any birth sisters? And why do I think her birth mother gave her away. :'( :'( I tried hard to not cry and answer her honestly and completely. I dont want to say well your birth mother loved you so much that she abandoned you. Mostly ALL of the literature there is, says NOT to equate love with being abandoned. So I said that we didnt know and wouldnt ever know. But that she could feel inside what her story is and why it was done and that that was probably accurate. And she was left on the street in front of a Police station so obviously someone wanted her safe and found.
This is what she came up with and I'm sure has been reflecting on for a long time.
She said she thinks her birth mother knows she could not take care of her and wanted her baby to come to America and have a really great life OR that maybe her birth mother wasn't married and she wanted her to have 2 parents and not just one. So she talked to God and He told her what to do- which was to let her be adopted by us and come live in the USA.
I said I think what she thinks is probably very close to exactly what happened. :'( Again tried hard to not to bust into tears hearing her work through this.
She is very, very proud of being an American born in China. She has asked before is she a citizen of China also? And the answer is no. When we left with her 7 years ago, her citizenship is terminated. I want her to be proud of her race. I don't want to seem like I am coming down on China over their policies.
Question for all of you.... I have never gone into China's " One Child" policy with her. Fact is, I dread it. It's hard to have your little girl hear that boys are wanted and girls are not. And that MOST of the abandonments are because:
1- they already have a child and are willing to pay the penalty fine for having 2, IF the 2nd is a boy
2- they do not have any children yet and want their "only" to be male
I do want to prepare her for this so she doesnt hear it from someone else first. But when is the right age to broach that subject.
Any advice? As to WHEN and HOw to discuss this with her.
From the beginning, we spoke about the fact that she was adopted and shared her story with her. She has never really ASKED questions about the abandonment, adoption process.
Today I took her and her friend to the 3D version of Meet the Robinson's. I was expecting Disney fun without much of a message and boy was i WRONG! Adoption is a central theme in the movie. The director of the film was adopted. The messages in the movie, and there are many, are all good ones, Keep Moving Forward, families can "look" lots of ways, dont ever give up, your parents dont have to be the people who conceived and birthed you. Although the mother leaving the baby on the steps of the orphanage is a tad dated, something that happened decades ago. But that bit was important for the rest of the story.
We dropped Katie's friend off and as soon as the door closed She asked me did I think she had any birth sisters? And why do I think her birth mother gave her away. :'( :'( I tried hard to not cry and answer her honestly and completely. I dont want to say well your birth mother loved you so much that she abandoned you. Mostly ALL of the literature there is, says NOT to equate love with being abandoned. So I said that we didnt know and wouldnt ever know. But that she could feel inside what her story is and why it was done and that that was probably accurate. And she was left on the street in front of a Police station so obviously someone wanted her safe and found.
This is what she came up with and I'm sure has been reflecting on for a long time.
She said she thinks her birth mother knows she could not take care of her and wanted her baby to come to America and have a really great life OR that maybe her birth mother wasn't married and she wanted her to have 2 parents and not just one. So she talked to God and He told her what to do- which was to let her be adopted by us and come live in the USA.
I said I think what she thinks is probably very close to exactly what happened. :'( Again tried hard to not to bust into tears hearing her work through this.
She is very, very proud of being an American born in China. She has asked before is she a citizen of China also? And the answer is no. When we left with her 7 years ago, her citizenship is terminated. I want her to be proud of her race. I don't want to seem like I am coming down on China over their policies.
Question for all of you.... I have never gone into China's " One Child" policy with her. Fact is, I dread it. It's hard to have your little girl hear that boys are wanted and girls are not. And that MOST of the abandonments are because:
1- they already have a child and are willing to pay the penalty fine for having 2, IF the 2nd is a boy
2- they do not have any children yet and want their "only" to be male
I do want to prepare her for this so she doesnt hear it from someone else first. But when is the right age to broach that subject.
Any advice? As to WHEN and HOw to discuss this with her.