[blacklabelias]

A few months ago we booked a beach house in Long Beach Island NJ for June 6-13, it's our friends house and it's only $500 for the week and we can bring the dogs! Sweet, so excited. It's only an hour and 15 minutes from home, nice close cheap vacation. My husband can run homoe if he needs to for work.

After we booked we mentioned it to our good friends (let's call them Jack and Jill), who have a 8 month old baby and a lab. Well Jack kind of invited themselves along by saying something like "oh cool, maybe we'll come down for a bit too". We were totally fine with it and told him that yeah it sounded like fun. He offered to pay half, $250.

Fast forward to now, almost 3 weeks from the vacation, and I am becoming very anxious. The house has 3 bedrooms but the living space (kitchen and living room) is very small. Wyatt is still not sleeping through the night (has to get up, faithfully, at 4am to pee) and he wants to eat no later than 6am. At 6 months old he's still jumpy and barks a bit when he plays with other dogs. Combining 4 people, 3 labs and an 8 month old baby and this vacation isn't sounded like a vacation to me.
Some info on the other couple. We have vacationed with them in the Caribbean before twice, for 8 days each time, and have had a wonderful time. Jill just spent 9 days in Florida last month with her baby visiting her father.. Tomorrow they are leaving to go to the Caribbean for a week. Jack will have to work the week we rented the house but his job is flexible so he will be able to come down the weekend days and maybe a few weekdays as well. Jill is a stay at home mom so she can be there the whole week. So this is certainly not their only vacation, but it most likely will be for us.

I really want to ask them to not come for the whole week....... without upsetting them or hurting their feelings. I am afraid that it's going to be so chaotic it's not going to be fun. I'm afraid Wyatt's going to wake their baby during the night or during nap time, or vice versa. I think my friend Jill will end up being very frustrated with Wyatt.

Another thing, since we have no kids, we will want to go out to restaurants and bars, they won't be able to. So that's going to leave them home alone with our dogs while we are out.... something else to make me anxious.

I was thinking of sending an email, something along the lines of this:
Hey, I was thinking about the beach. With 4 people, 3 dogs and a mobile baby it's going to be quite hectic in that small house. Wyatt STILL doesn't sleep through the night (has to pee faithfully at 4am) and wants to eat no later than 6am, he's jumpy and barks when he plays and I'm just imagining it not being relaxing and I think this might be our only vacation all year. I'm afraid of Wyatt waking Emily during the night and nap time and bugging the crap out of her while she's awake. To be honest I am envisioning you packing your stuff and going home 1/2 way through the week. LOL
In no way am I asking you not to come at all, we both would love to spend time down there with you all, but I am just worried a bit about all of us in that small house and all the choas for 7 straight days. Maybe would you guys just come for 1/2 the time or something? I'm so sorry and I feel awkward even asking this.

I really think they will not be offended and will understand, but part of me is worried. What do you think?

 

[Hunter]

I think you will piss them off and they will not come at all.

 

[jzgrlduff]

Holy ****, Sam!!! They're quite ballsy to invite themselves like that. I would be piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissed!!!!!! I would leave out the last paragraph and just put "So we're thinking that 1 or 2 nights would be best, obviously you won't have to pay anything".

When my Dad had the house in Holgate (on the beach!!), our neighbors would always come down, but just for 1 or 2 nights max. They had a baby at the time. It was fun, but no way in hell would I want them on my vacation for an entire week. Oh hell no.

You have to keep us posted now!!

 

[jzgrlduff]

I think you will piss them off and they will not come at all.

Nice, even better!!!!!

 

[Golfgirlrobin]

First of all, I hate people who invite themselves along on trips. I would never do that and generally just assume that if people wanted me along, they'd invite me.

However, I think that three weeks before a vacation is way too late to basically tell somebody that you don't want them to come. Plans have been made in their lives to make this trip possible and I have a hard time believing that your not so subtle e-mail won't make for hard feelings.

If you do it, though, it needs to be a phone call. The e-mail is a cop-out. Univiting somebody needs to be done face to face.

 

[blacklabelias]

Nice, even better!!!!!

Well that's the thing, while it would be nice if they didn't come I do not want to piss us off. They are very close dear friends of our and we love them and their baby.
It's not them or their baby that's the issue, it's Wyatt! LOL

I almost think once I explain it to her she might be happy that she's not coming.

 

[dweck]

This is a toughie. My thoughts: It's time to lie like a rug. "The beach house has burnt to the ground. Here's your $250 back. Sorry."

 

[jzgrlduff]

However, I think that three weeks before a vacation is way too late to basically tell somebody that you don't want them to come. Plans have been made in their lives to make this trip possible

I disagree. They invited themselves, you have the right to uninvite them up until the last minute.

I do, however, think you should call her if you're close enough that you've taken vacations before. Say "you know, I've been thinking about it and I'm really not going to be comfortable in the small house blah blah blah....".

 

[blacklabelias]

First of all, I hate people who invite themselves along on trips. I would never do that and generally just assume that if people wanted me along, they'd invite me.

However, I think that three weeks before a vacation is way too late to basically tell somebody that you don't want them to come. Plans have been made in their lives to make this trip possible and I have a hard time believing that your not so subtle e-mail won't make for hard feelings.

If you do it, though, it needs to be a phone call. The e-mail is a cop-out. Univiting somebody needs to be done face to face.

I completely see your point. No real plans have been made on their end at all, except for planning to pay $250. The beach house is 1 hour from their house, so no real travel is needed, they really don't need spending money because they won't be going out, no vacation time is being used as Jack will be working and Jill doens't work.

 

[blacklabelias]

This is a toughie. My thoughts: It's time to lie like a rug. "The beach house has burnt to the ground. Here's your $250 back. Sorry."

LOL, can't though because they know the people we are renting the house from. And no $ has been exchanged yet, our friend said to just pay him the $500 when we are down there.

 

[BauersMom]

This is a toughie. My thoughts: It's time to lie like a rug. "The beach house has burnt to the ground. Here's your $250 back. Sorry."

LOL!

 

[Golfgirlrobin]

I disagree. They invited themselves, you have the right to uninvite them up until the last minute.

Their bad manners don't justify bad manners in return. The time to object to them inviting themselves is long past.

 

[BoatDog]

Call, say most of what your email says, and suggest that perhaps day trips - til the pup and the baby are older - would be best...and expect to hear "oh, emily gets up at 4 and 6 to eat too..."

 

[Aim]

I would just send them an email stating that you were thinking about the beach and tell them your issues with Wyatt. Which are completely acceptable issues, it isn't like he's bad or anything. He is just a puppy. Tell them you just wanted to give them a heads up. And let them decide if they want to go along or not. I imagine it'll be much better than you anticipate.

 

[TangerineFizz]

I'm with GGR - don't email - something like this should come in a phone call at the very least. When is the last time they mentioned the trip to you? is it possible they've forgotten, or were only half heartedly serious? if that's the case, and you don't mention it, will they just forget and not show up??

Personally, I'd go with your "this is our only vacation" angle. I'd call her up and say "hey Jill - you know how we were talking about our vacation house rental and you guys mentioned you would like to come? Well at the time it sounded fantastic, and it still does, but it's looking like this is the only vacation John and I are gonna get this year alone together - would it be too much to ask if you didn't come this time? and maybe offer to have them up for the last weekend or something instead?

That's what I'd do.

 

[Allie]

I think your email sounds reasonable, and your desire to have some time to yourselves is very reasonable, too. If you're going to give them guidelines, though, I would make it more concrete--say, "J&J, I would love if you guys just came down for the weekend of ... and we can all go out and do something together". That way you are now back in control of how much time they are going to spend with you. You can add that they would be your guests, of course, to make it seem more gracious.

 

[amazongold]

Holy ****, Sam!!! They're quite ballsy to invite themselves like that. I would be piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissed!!!!!! I would leave out the last paragraph and just put "So we're thinking that 1 or 2 nights would be best, obviously you won't have to pay anything".

When my Dad had the house in Holgate (on the beach!!), our neighbors would always come down, but just for 1 or 2 nights max. They had a baby at the time. It was fun, but no way in hell would I want them on my vacation for an entire week. Oh hell no.

You have to keep us posted now!!

I agree 110%.

 

[joflake]

I'm with GGR - don't email - something like this should come in a phone call at the very least. When is the last time they mentioned the trip to you? is it possible they've forgotten, or were only half heartedly serious? if that's the case, and you don't mention it, will they just forget and not show up??

Personally, I'd go with your "this is our only vacation" angle. I'd call her up and say "hey Jill - you know how we were talking about our vacation house rental and you guys mentioned you would like to come? Well at the time it sounded fantastic, and it still does, but it's looking like this is the only vacation John and I are gonna get this year alone together - would it be too much to ask if you didn't come this time? and maybe offer to have them up for the last weekend or something instead?

That's what I'd do.

I agree with you. If they're that close of friends, they will understand, as long as you do it in person, not an email.

 

[blacklabelias]

Thanks everyone, I have read everything you have said. I am actually about to send an email.
Knowing my friendship with her, I feel comfortable sending an email. She's the type that doesn't like confrontation and in the past we have has serious talks over email vs talking in person.
I am probably making too much of a deal about it, as I typically do. We'll see.

 

[blacklabelias]

I got a reply already, seems I definately was worrying for nothing. here is her reply:

As for LBI? Are you sure? It is really fine - it works out pretty good too cause Jack has had some stuff come up and along with his work it would be a lot. He has a charity golf tournament on the 13th anyway. If it works out for us and if Emily is in good spirits (thank god her top teeth finally broke through and she is SOOO much better!) than maybe we can come down a night the first weekend.

No worries!!