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Ive hesitated putting my personal life out there so publically but Im freaking out and need some advice.
Im getting a divorce. I know it might look shitty to some people. How could I leave such a military hero or how could I do this to my kids....on and on. Please dont judge. Ive tried REALLY hard never to bad mouth Steve to anyone but take my word for it that its come to where I cant be misstreated anymore.

Anyways, since I have NO income right now and no access to Steve's money and he has a lawyer and I dont.

Am I totally fucked? Do they do probono divorces? lol. Will I just have to show up in court and represent myself? If someone has advice or ideas please let me know. Im without a computer right now so I'll check back at this thread later. The best way to get ahold of me is leaving me a facebook private message because I can facebook with my cell phone. Ask Sandy, or Dan if you need my email or cell number.

Thanks for any help!
 

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Most lawyers have a free 1 hour thingy. When my neighbor was getting divorced, we went to a lawyer that a judge friend told me about. The first hour of the consult was free. She told my friend what she needed to do to get started.
 

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I'm so sorry :( I suggest contacting a family lawyer and seeing if they do free consultations. They should be able to point you in the right direction. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
 

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You cannot go into this without an attorney, especially if he already has one. The only way you are going to get fucked in this is if you don't have somebody to stand up for your rights. If he already has an attorney, don't believe him if he tells you that you don't need one or that the two of you can work it out on your own; he got himself an attorney for a reason and it's not because he's thinking about you. You are in South Dakota aren't you? It's not a community property state but there are still going to be provisions for temporary spousal and child support while this gets worked out. You don't need to be without any income; he still has responsibilities and a court will enforce them.

Check the phone book for women's services. A lot of times, local organizations have put together resources for women in your position. If you can't find anything, call the county bar association and ask about family law clinics or attorney's in a position to help on a sliding fee scale. You might have to check with the state bar as well. Also contact the military; I would find it hard to believe that there aren't legal services available which would at least get you started.

If you are in a position where he is not paying any support and you truly have no money, go to his commanding officer. Don't worry about the problems it may cause him; at this point you have to be solely about you and the kids. Commanding officers, in my experience, do not take kindly to their officers not handling their responsibilities and can exert a lot of influence.

If you know any other military wives who have recently divorced, I'd call them and ask who they used. A lawyer who knows the ins and outs of how the military pay and benefits system works will work in your favor.

Most attorneys will work on a retainer basis and then the bill gets paid off as part of the divorce settlement. Especially as a stay at home mom, a judge will probably order that your legal bills be paid as part of the settlement. If you can't find somebody to work without a retainer, then take a deep breath and ask your parents to borrow the money. Sign an actual note and there's a good chance the settlement will take care of that as well.

You are not without options. The important thing is to get past the panic, take some finite steps and do what you have to to take care of yourself and the kids. If you haven't already, I'd also sit down and document every instance I could think of where he has verbally or physically abused you, the kids or even the dog. Push comes to shove, he's going to try and make you look unsupportive; you need to be able to fully describe what life with him has been like.
 

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All I can really say is what I learned when I went through my divorce. When you enter into a marriage, everything becomes both of yours jointly. So because he has money and you don't, it doesn't matter. That money is also yours!! He can not keep you legally from that money. It's not "whats his is his and whats yours is yours" it's BOTH of yours!! You may not be able to get it right away until things start rolling, but he will eventually have to give half that money to you. The house would work the same way.
I would definitely try and borrow some money so you can get a lawyer as well.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. (((Hugs)))
 

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Laurie, I am so sorry that you are going through this. (((hugs))) Fight for everything you can get. Try Googling Divorce Association for Women's Needs - D.A.W.N. I know it is here in Michigan, but I think there are chapters around the country.
 

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Laurie, MEMORIZE Golfgirlrobin's post. It is excellent!

A friend once called divorces such as yours "experiencing a living death". The range of emotions must be wild!

I'm not much good at facebook but I'll try harder to be over there for you while you go through this.

By your side...
 

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You cannot go into this without an attorney, especially if he already has one. The only way you are going to get fucked in this is if you don't have somebody to stand up for your rights. If he already has an attorney, don't believe him if he tells you that you don't need one or that the two of you can work it out on your own; he got himself an attorney for a reason and it's not because he's thinking about you. You are in South Dakota aren't you? It's not a community property state but there are still going to be provisions for temporary spousal and child support while this gets worked out. You don't need to be without any income; he still has responsibilities and a court will enforce them.

Check the phone book for women's services. A lot of times, local organizations have put together resources for women in your position. If you can't find anything, call the county bar association and ask about family law clinics or attorney's in a position to help on a sliding fee scale. You might have to check with the state bar as well. Also contact the military; I would find it hard to believe that there aren't legal services available which would at least get you started.

If you are in a position where he is not paying any support and you truly have no money, go to his commanding officer. Don't worry about the problems it may cause him; at this point you have to be solely about you and the kids. Commanding officers, in my experience, do not take kindly to their officers not handling their responsibilities and can exert a lot of influence.

If you know any other military wives who have recently divorced, I'd call them and ask who they used. A lawyer who knows the ins and outs of how the military pay and benefits system works will work in your favor.

Most attorneys will work on a retainer basis and then the bill gets paid off as part of the divorce settlement. Especially as a stay at home mom, a judge will probably order that your legal bills be paid as part of the settlement. If you can't find somebody to work without a retainer, then take a deep breath and ask your parents to borrow the money. Sign an actual note and there's a good chance the settlement will take care of that as well.

You are not without options. The important thing is to get past the panic, take some finite steps and do what you have to to take care of yourself and the kids. If you haven't already, I'd also sit down and document every instance I could think of where he has verbally or physically abused you, the kids or even the dog. Push comes to shove, he's going to try and make you look unsupportive; you need to be able to fully describe what life with him has been like.
Excellent advice!
 

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So sorry for what you are going through, it must be scary. If you can get a one hour consultation with a lawyer he might be to help figure out how to get at some of your money, not just your husbands. In California all property is divided 50/50. If you get access to some money you can hire a lawyer. Do not go into this without a lawyer. Fight hard to get into see a divorce attorney. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
 

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So sorry to hear of what you are going through, Laurie. I hope you are able to find someone to represent you and help you sort this out. I can only imagine the roller coaster ride you must be on....you are in my prayers.

Bev.
 

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Laurie, so sorry to read that you are going through this. Can you ask the senator?/government official that you worked for an attorney recommendation? You need to make sure that you get someone that will fight for you.
 

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Oh Laurie- I'm sorry.

I am going to PM a blog that I read that may just help you out in other ways.
 

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no judgement from here - it takes two to tango - or not - and the best of men are challenging to live with ...

hang in there and fight hard for what is RIGHTFULLY yours
 
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