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I'm on my way home today, via the expressway. Cell rings, it's Tudor's nurse of the day, Paul. I call him back when I can stop in a parking lot somewhere.

"Hello, Nancy! Can we have your verbal approval to give him two units of blood?"

"Um, well, why does he need blood now? I haven't been asked for this approval in the week he's been in ICU."

Explanation sounded reasonable to me but even with the medical coaching I'm getting at the college the question caught me off guard. What do I say?!? "Blood? Good blood for him? Oh, no, don't do that. He wouldn't want it." Or "Why of COURSE! If that is what he needs right now DO IT!"

All crashing down around my head at that moment were my feelings about all of this, trying to get into Tud's head and translate/assess his wishes which have always been made known while in a "healthy" state and frame of mind; what is ethically right, what is ethically not right, knowing the doctors own him at this point, and I really have no say. Trust me on this one. :mad:

Raging within me are feelings of anger, hope, indifference, kindness, cold heartedness, curiosity, and when I can allow it to seep in, humour.

But worse than all of this? The saddest thing to me yet? This morning some good medical person shaved off his beard for hygienic purposes. His beard of 45 years. His security blanket... his pride... his unique physical identity. He tended that beard just as I tend to our dogs... with care, with immaculateness, with dignity.

I wept over that detail. They stripped him of his one little shred of dignity.
 

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:( ((hugs)) I'm so sorry Nance.
 

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Oh Nance, that sucks! Why couldn't they leave that one little bit of his personality intact? Why did they have to remove the last shred of his identity? :mad:

(((((Nance))))) Still praying, Nance, and still by your side, no matter what comes.
 

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So sorry to read the posts you have made concerning Tudor and what you are going through. Both of you have been, and will continue to be, in my prayers.

Bev.
 

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I'm sorry, nance.. You're doing so good and I'm so proud of you. Hang in there, clarity will find you.
 

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Nance - do you have someone with you to help you out a little and be a sounding board - family member? good friend? Everyone in a medical crisis needs another person to be there to hear what the doctors and nurses say, to be a sounding board, and help you remember what was said, etc. Weird about them asking if it's OK to give blood, given what all has gone one without them asking you at all, maybe it is because some religions don't believe in giving blood and they wanted to make sure about that. The beard is a real shame - maybe they could have just trimmed it up - just one more thing.....something so simple and yet so very important.
 

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Nance, I'm sorry that you are going through this. Unfortunately there is no road map and no right answers since so much is unclear. Hang in there.
 

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My thoughts are with you Nance.
 
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