[Retriever Mama]

with my husband right now. He is under a lot of stress at work and is not handling it well.

A little backstory: we left NYC when he finally couldn't take the pressure of being a trader anymore. He was disappearing into the spare room shooting things on the internet til 3 a.m. because he couldn't sleep and then crashing through the weekends with no energy to do anything but watch tv. We finally decided it was time for him to switch careers and we moved back to CT.

He started out here doing IT stuff, but worked for a crappy company, but got a job offer from one of their clients who was very impressed with him. A global company. To do a human resources job that he has no experience with, but knew he could handle. I was so proud of him! He's in an upscale professional working environment with well educated coworkers. Very stimulating and perfect for him.

Well, with the economy there have been several cutbacks, and while his job is not in jeopardy, he is now doing the job of 7 people about 3 paygrades of what he is getting. They are asking for a lot of projects to be done simulataneously on top of him normal workload, meetings, seminars and other emergency stuff that comes up. He is seriously stressed. But so is everyone around him. They are putting in a lot of over time that he doesn't want to do. He has no patience for some of the project deadlines that have been assigned to him and is getting very frustrated with his immediate supervisor, who I am sure is also under the gun working directly for one of the demanding vps, for giving him some of her work to do.

So while I don't mind listening to him gripe and vent about his day...I also kind of want to tell him to suck it up. There's a lot of job opportunities in this company if he can just stick it out. They think very highly of him - he just needs to go the extra mile. He always comments on how the parking lot is still half full when he leaves on Fridays...um? Do you think maybe you should stay late too? I also think of my father - who worked 2 jobs almost his entire life and I never saw growing up. It is a little hard for me to feel bad that the guy has to put in an extra hour here and there.

I'm trying...I really am. I know he's overwhelmed. And I guess he's just not the kind of guy who has the stamina to handle all this stress. But I really can't go through what I did with him the last few months we were in NYC. Nor can we afford for him to quit his job.

I dunno...I guess I just needed to vent. I'm so busy picking up all the slack at home with the dogs and the housework I guess I'm a little stressed too...

 

[Ender's Mom]

Is there anything that he likes to do that relieves stress for him? Perhaps you can encourage him in that direction.

I think these times are very difficult for a lot of people.

 

[Tuckersmydog]

Do you work outside of the home?

 

[joflake]

I think an extra hour here or there doesn't hurt anybody, and yes we are lucky to have jobs right now. But you said you never saw your father growing up. Is this how you want to live? Never having a life because he's always at work? Is this just a temporary thing, or long term? I think that together time means more than $$.

 

[Golfgirlrobin]

Let it out here all you want but for goodness sake, never utter the words "suck it up" to him. And trust me, I've been holding them back myself lately with my own husband, and I know how hard it is sometimes. Our construction company may be the only one in America right now with too much work and he keeps bitching about it. I want to tell him to look around and be a little more thankful for what he's got, but what I really say is "How about I cook dinner sweetie, while you rest up?"

What I might say to him, as a way of maybe nudging him along, is "Sweetie, if you feel like you need to work extra, don't worry about me getting mad, or the house or anything." It looks supportive when in reality it's a bit of a hint that he ought to buckle down and put in the extra time.

 

[Clanceycanuck]

I like the idea of an outside activity too. I hit the wall 2 years ago, and found I really had to smack something to take out the frustration, stress etc...

I joined a squash club and just hammer the **** out of a little black ball. It's amazing how exercise can rejuvenate a person

 

[Retriever Mama]

Do you work outside of the home?

I do. I work a full time job also.

His way of relieving stress is to either play a video game (preferably one involving shooting things) or sitting on the couch. Hey...I totally understand. And yet I am working and cleaning the house and running the errands and playing with the dogs...and I wish I could take a break too. Sure, my job isn't as stressful as his (clearly as I'm here) but I do have my rough days too and you can't just come home and leave Remy in his crate or not do the dishes or do the laundry or pick up milk. Right?

 

[Retriever Mama]

Let it out here all you want but for goodness sake, never utter the words "suck it up" to him. And trust me, I've been holding them back myself lately with my own husband, and I know how hard it is sometimes. Our construction company may be the only one in America right now with too much work and he keeps bitching about it. I want to tell him to look around and be a little more thankful for what he's got, but what I really say is "How about I cook dinner sweetie, while you rest up?"

What I might say to him, as a way of maybe nudging him along, is "Sweetie, if you feel like you need to work extra, don't worry about me getting mad, or the house or anything." It looks supportive when in reality it's a bit of a hint that he ought to buckle down and put in the extra time.

Oh I would never tell him to "suck it up". I may be thinking it... but no. He's too miserable. And I have been saying to him that if you need to put in some over time...do it. I think if he put in some overtime he wouldn't be so stressed....he'd get more done. And his coworkers would see him pulling more weight. He gets emails from his supervisor at 10 pm sometimes. Sure, she's getting a higher paygrade then him...but she's paid her dues. And it is really just this one project that everyone is getting slammed on right now.

 

[Tuckersmydog]

Do you work outside of the home?

I do. I work a full time job also.

His way of relieving stress is to either play a video game (preferably one involving shooting things) or sitting on the couch. Hey...I totally understand. And yet I am working and cleaning the house and running the errands and playing with the dogs...and I wish I could take a break too. Sure, my job isn't as stressful as his (clearly as I'm here) but I do have my rough days too and you can't just come home and leave Remy in his crate or not do the dishes or do the laundry or pick up milk. Right?

YIKES! I feel for you!! ....Golfgirlrobin has a great suggestion about the backhanded support comment! Hang in there...at least you can fart around online at work as a bit of a break

 

[Samson]

Sorry Mel ! No quick answer ! I think you phrase suck it up says it all ! All you need to do is to convince him so that you don't have to pick up dummies all of the time !

 

[Ender's Mom]

IMO... get him involved with playing with the dogs.

Sounds like he could use some physical activity and fresh air.

I say this from experience. I have spent months doing nothing but going to work and then sitting at my computer at home playing a game or watching a tvshow/movie. I felt like ****.

Enter Ender coming to visit... and I've been spending at least 1/2 hr everyday (usually more) playing outside with him. The combination of fresh air... physical activity... and watching a goofy lab flop around... is near miraculous in making me feel better after a long day.

 

[Chance72399]

Do you work outside of the home?

I do. I work a full time job also.

His way of relieving stress is to either play a video game (preferably one involving shooting things) or sitting on the couch. Hey...I totally understand. And yet I am working and cleaning the house and running the errands and playing with the dogs...and I wish I could take a break too. Sure, my job isn't as stressful as his (clearly as I'm here) but I do have my rough days too and you can't just come home and leave Remy in his crate or not do the dishes or do the laundry or pick up milk. Right?

I have to agree...i know it has to be stressful doing the job of 7 people and not getting the pay for it. I think if he did an extra hour here and there it would ease up the stress a bit. Your right though...when you come home things still have to be done, letting out the dog, dishes, cleaning, etc. Hopefully things will get better with his job. I definately dont think him sitting on the couch when he gets home is a good thing at all. I agree with others...he should get out and do some activities to get out his frustration.

 

[Trickster]

Does he not walk the dogs? if I am stressed out, that is the one thing that relaxes me.

Hours of computer games/watching TV doesn't help at all.

 

[Tuckersmydog]

Does he not walk the dogs? if I am stressed out, that is the one thing that relaxes me.

Hours of computer games/watching TV doesn't help at all.

HA! Different people work out stress differently...I HATE walking Tucker in the cold...I am a TERRIBLE dog mom...the SECOND he takes a dump, I am ready to go back in...it is SO cold out...I would be so relieved if someone said, "hey, I will walk Tucker for you until it warms up"

 

[Mary Jane]

Let him take the dogs out and exercise/relax with them.
Steve complains ome to when he has to much work and for the most part I keep my mouth shut. I can only listen to it so much and then I kind of respectfully and lovingly let him have it. Pointing out how some people have lost their jobs how luck he is to have a successful business etc. It shapes him up for a good long time. Sometimes, you need to let them "have it", but lovingly.
my2cents
Good luck!

 

[Retriever Mama]

Does he not walk the dogs? if I am stressed out, that is the one thing that relaxes me.

Hours of computer games/watching TV doesn't help at all.

I am ashamed to say the dogs haven't been walked in a while. It is 9 degrees in the am and our neighborhood is too icy to walk them in. They get indoor fetch for about 40 mins. in the a.m.; I throw snowballs for them at lunch in the yard and then we do training and more fetch indoors in the evening. It is still dark when we get home.

 

[imported_Melissa]

If I had a really stressful day and wanted to just collapse on the couch when I got home, I'd actually be pretty ticked if Jason told me it wasn't good for me and I need to get outdoors or get a hobby.

Not that I'm letting him off the hook, I understand that everything still needs done at home and I still come home and do it. So I get why you're upset. I'm just saying that if he wants to de-stress by vegging on the couch don't tell him it's a stupid way to de-stress.

 

[YellowJakesMom]

I would try to engage him in the activities he really enjoys - even if it's just watching TV on the couch. That's what John really likes to do on Saturday mornings in winter - veg on the couch and watch movies. So I might say "Hey, last night I rented us XYZ to watch together and got some popcorn and snacks. Want to walk the dog really quick then we can get back in pajamas and watch it?" That way I get what I want (a walking partner) and he gets what he wants (movies) and we both get to relax in our own ways (I have a hard time watching TV is Jake hasn't gotten a walk yet - I feel guilty).

Also, I would second whoever said to hint that he should stay at work longer - "don't worry about me or the house" etc. That's a GREAT idea

 

[Chester B. Dickens]

IMO... get him involved with playing with the dogs.

Sounds like he could use some physical activity and fresh air.

Agree a zillion. Depression this time of year is VERY common for me -- I think I have SADD and suffer from a lack of exposure to sunlight and the doses of VitD. Doesn't matter that it's only 8 degrees. You and he can still bundle up, snap the leash on the dog, and at least do 15 minutes or so per day until Spring breaks. Great oppty to talk, bond, work thru that stress. And the dog gets a good workout.

When Eileen and I do this, it brings us closer together than amost any other activity I can think of. Note -- ALMOST! :happy:

Good luck. Let him vent. As you're doing to us.

 

[imported_kelli]

at first i thought.. give the guy a break.. but then i thought.. a man who works hard is a man you feel safe with.. and a man you feel safe with.. is hot.. a good work ethic is attractive and something to admire.. so i can see how it would be frustrating when it starts to wane.

I broke up with a guy who lost his job and spent more time during the day at the beach than looking for a job. Screw that.