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I am done. My friend and her girls can not come over to my house any more.. I cant do it! They have no respect for ANYTHING. not my animals, not my toys, not ME, not my house, not the people here, NOTHING. I am tired of her kids not listening to me or anyone else for that matter. My friend will not make her kids mind at all. They have the run of her life and she doesn't understand that if she would just make them mind her life would be so much better. She gets mad at me for telling her kids they cant play with this or that and they cant beat my animals up... IM TIRED OF IT!!! But damnit its my house and my **** rules if you don't like it don't come over!! I refuse to change MY rules for her **** kids!

I do not expect any child to be perfect.. But I do expect them to listen when they are told to leave things alone or to stay out of the kitchen. I do expect to have to give a no here or there but not every other word out of my mouth. And not need to repeat the same NO more than a few times.. I have oodles of toys for them to play with and TV to watch. The only toys they cant play with are the same ones Kaden cant play with because they are outside toys and they are in the kitchen put away..
I have tried to ask her to make her kids mind while the are at my house and she lets them be little monsters. Even my mother who thinks kids are kids thinks these 2 are out of control.

Kaden is 4 months younger than her oldest and minds 90% better than her oldest.
She feels they will learn on their own whats right and wrong. that she doesn't need to teach them.


Her kids wouldn't mind, shut up, and listen while we went and watching the dogs do agility this morning so I got up got Kaden and walked out. I know shes mad at me because she didn't call me after she got her kids in the car.. I refused to let her kids made me look bad and I knew the best thing to do was get up and walk off.


So now shes mad at me and I have to find a way to tell her shes no longer welcome at my house with her kids..
How do I tell her and be nice about it?? I know I could be very to the point but then I know I would no longer have a friend.. So whats a nice way of doing it??
 

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That's a tough one. I'm afraid I don't know a nice way to say your kids are monsters and you are no longer welcome in my home. Not that I'm disagreeing with you. It definitely sounds like they are. I just don't know of any nice way to put it.
 

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Had a similar problem with my best friend from childhood's children (How else will they learn if I don't let them do ____(jump on furniture, play w/matches, shred photos, etc.))

I ended up being busy anytime she was headed my way - and since we were - and are still so close - headed her way anytime I could. Please note that SOMEHOW those same brats are now my friends - in their early 20's and able to talk to any adult about any subject - perhaps because of their mothers style (we called it benevoilent neglect) or perhaps because they're basically nice kids - but if it is an important friendship for you - just shift the grounds you get together to a place where she is the one who's things are getting ruined - then expect your kids to follow the same rules they do at home.

Otherwise - go w/Dan's advice if not an important friendship!

Good luck!
 
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Nick said:
dweck said:
I would let your actions speak for you: Don't call. Don't chat. Don't e-mail. Let the relationship wither away. She'll get the idea.
Yeah, I like that better.
Same here. I like that idea. And a true friend would be able to take what you said at face value. My best friend from high school could tell me anything and I wouldn't get mad at her for it. In fact, she has before.
 

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You can still like someone and not agree with their parenting style. Just because she does it differently than you, doesn't mean it is wrong. Your son is still quite young, you've got a lot of years ahead of you seeing people parent differently, you might as well get used to it now.

If you truly don't want them there, fine. Just leave it alone. Don't call. Don't ask her over. etc.

My son is a child who has to be told more than once to stop doing something. That does not make him a bad child. It makes him **** stubborn! LOL.
 

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I feel your pain. It's a tough situation. I had a friend that I had to let drift away because of her disrespectful kid. The deal breaker for me was that the friend has absolutely NO influence whatsoever over her son. It was always the same scenario; I'd ask him not to stand on the couch and his mom would say: "Daniel, get down from there...Daniel, stop that....Daniel...Daniel!" He'd completely ignore her and she'd sigh and give up. I'd always imagine that Far Side Cartoon where the guy's yelling at his dog and the dog only hears "Ginger...blah blah blah, Ginger." :p

Then the little snot would sit at the table and start throwing food AT the dog. Not FOR him. AT him. My nerves were frayed and I needed a strong drink every time they left my house, so I finally decided enough was enough and stopped making plans with her. Whenever I run into her, I make excuses for not getting together. I feel bad, and do miss her, but it just isn't worth it.

Had she been a long-time, close friend, I probably would have told her why. But we had only known each other a short time, and I wasn't sure she wouldn't be insulted.
 

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Change the locks. Oh wait, this isn't a spouse?

Then I would do what dweck suggested. I have done what dweck suggested or if the person continues to want to get together, we go someplace like a park or their house. They do not come to mine.
 
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Discussion Starter #12
I dont think her kids are bad and I dont blame the kids really, I blame my friend for not dealing with the situation..
I can ask them to not do something till I am blue in the face they wont stop.
I understand everyone parents diffrent but have respect for other people and their things!
I can understand bad days where a kid wont listen... They arnt just bad days they are every days!!

I think we will try and just be friends that dont go to eachothers houses.. Park find, play thing up at the mall fine. NOT events or eachothers houses..
I have a feeling come May we wont be getting together much any more anyway I have a lot going on after the first of May and wont have a whole lot of free time..
 
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LabMommyKathryn said:
I dont think her kids are bad and I dont blame the kids really, I blame my friend for not dealing with the situation..
I can ask them to not do something till I am blue in the face they wont stop.
I understand everyone parents diffrent but have respect for other people and their things!
I can understand bad days where a kid wont listen... They arnt just bad days they are every days!!

I think we will try and just be friends that dont go to eachothers houses.. Park find, play thing up at the mall fine. NOT events or eachothers houses..
I have a feeling come May we wont be getting together much any more anyway I have a lot going on after the first of May and wont have a whole lot of free time..
Friendships do end over stuff like this. Happened to me. I could no longer deal with the parenting ideas of my very best friend since high school. Add that to my not being able to STAND her boor of a husband and the friendship was really shaky. The final straw for me was when her husband beat the **** out of their dog in front of me. A dog they did not effectively train (who I actually kept for a week for her to do some puppy boot camp since she basically expected him to train himself). I just had to cut her off.

By herself, as a woman I like her a lot. But the other stuff is a dealbreaker.
 
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There is no nice way to tell somebody they are welcome at your house. If you want to keep this friendship then talk to her about how you feel and ask her her how she would feel if you let you kid(s) run riot in her home. However, if you aren't particularly bothered about thi frindship then take Dan's advice, just let it wither away.

You are right though, you don't deserve to be treated like crap, just because your frind can't be bothered to control her kids. I wouldn't stand for it. You have to explain to her that enough is enough, you can't take it anymore.
 

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Kathryn I'm afraid there is no nice way..now if you want an EASY way? Tell her your Mom put the ban into effect. That she doesn't need those rugrats tearing her house apart and getting her upset...she is ill right? She doesn't need that nonsense going on.
 
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WeHeartLabs said:
Kathryn I'm afraid there is no nice way..now if you want an EASY way? Tell her your Mom put the ban into effect. That she doesn't need those rugrats tearing her house apart and getting her upset...she is ill right? She doesn't need that nonsense going on.
Its my house my mother lives with me. So the way around that is,.... shes not welcome here on Fridays when she has her shot and when she calls and asks to come over I say we are on our way out the door?? or hide??

I have to put a lot of thought into this. We have been friends since highschool..
Alot has gone on and Im not sure how far I can push now and IF pushing is worth it. I am leaning to Not.. :-\
 

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If it were me I would be honest and tell her that since her children don't mind, you'd prefer that she doesn't bring them to your home to terrorize your animals, upset your mother, and make you crazy. If she is your friend she will remain your friend. If she isn't, no big loss.
 

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AmazonGold said:
If it were me I would be honest and tell her that since her children don't mind, you'd prefer that she doesn't bring them to your home to terrorize your animals, upset your mother, and make you crazy. If she is your friend she will remain your friend. If she isn't, no big loss.
I'm with AmazonGold on this. :)
 

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Personally, I just wouldn't invite her over. If she calls, tell her it's not convenient for her to come over at this time. Agree to meet her at the park or wherever her kids can run wild. She'll get the idea eventually that you don't want her children at your house any longer.
 

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AmazonGold said:
If it were me I would be honest and tell her that since her children don't mind, you'd prefer that she doesn't bring them to your home to terrorize your animals, upset your mother, and make you crazy. If she is your friend she will remain your friend. If she isn't, no big loss.
AMEN to that!!! Tell her like it is.

What's all this talk of ignoring her, letting it fade, don't return calls ? ? ? That's the lamest way to do ANYTHING. Geez, if that were me and I had a friend just drop off the face of the earth - I'd want the truth. I wouldn't want to always wonder "what happen"!!! Just tell her - you'd be doing her and her kids a favor.
 
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