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Discussion Starter #1
Millie called me yesterday morning and asked if I'd give her a ride to the dance in Lawrence last evening since her brother ("Red") and his ladyfriend (Emily) with whom she usually rides, were not going to be there until halfway through the dance.

I mulled it over (for about 25 nanoseconds) and decided......yes. We agreed on the time to pick her up (5:15 PM). We discussed the weather; I assured her since I'd grown up driving in Vermont winters, if I felt it was too risky OR if we got freezing rain, we'd not go.

It fitfullly snowed (flurries) throughout the day and by 3 PM we had about 1/2-1 inch (1.5 - 2.5 cm.). Millie called and said her kids told her not to go because it was too dangerous. So she opted out.

Another woman (Shirley), who's a good dancer (but no one compares to Millie), called shortly later and asked for a ride. Neither her usual ride nor her back-up were going because of the weather and roads. I said yes and we settled on a time.

The snow had packed hard from the road traffic in Topeka and some spots were so icy and slippery that a couple times my Honda Civic's front skidded/slipped sideways and the drive wheels sometimes easily spun. But we made it to and from Lawrence with no problems. (However, today's paper said that by 3:45 PM Topeka had 42 snow/skidding car collisions yesterday.) And those from Kansas City said westbound Interstate 70 was closed near KC due to a massive collision involving 30+ cars so they had to use an alternate highway. Dance attendance was half our usual number.

But.... if Millie has to follow the decisions of her family members..... :noidea:

We'll see.....

 

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Could it be that someone in the family has been in a bad accident during a snow storm and the family is just extra cautious now? My Mother grew up driving in the snowy hills of Pa. but after sliding down a hillside many years ago she now will not go out if there is any snow on the roads.
 

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Her kids just wanted her to be safe. I have lived over 9 hours from home for over 20 years, and if I talk to my dad when I am out he wants me to call him when I get home (just to make sure I made it home). If I go out while visiting them, my dad always reminds me drive safely and park under a parking lot light. If it is snowy, he volunteers to drive me. I wouldn't let this incident influence you. I think it is sweet that her kids were worried about her.
 

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I think that if you really liked her, wouldn't matter that much. If you like someone, you make all kinds of excuses to ignore their "bad habits", but if you're iffy about them, you make excuses to not like them.
 

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With all the accidents that were reported, I'd say Millie was the smarter one!
Yep all over Kansas and Nebraska yesterday they were telling folks not to travel unless it was real important. Here in my area we had the worst day for accidents in years, several multi car accidents and 3 folks killed in 3 different accidents with in 40 miles of Lincoln, a very high number. BTW the one was a 20 year old girl and it was her birthday.
 

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Not really understanding why she might now be a dead end?? So she chose to be responsible and not go out in dangerous conditions with someone she may never have driven with before (or at least rarely). Based on the recap of your drive it sounds like she made the right choice.

I'd also take the advice of my family over an acquaintance any day!

If it's a dead end it might actually be a good thing - for her - if you are so judgemental!
 

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Not really understanding why she might now be a dead end?? So she chose to be responsible and not go out in dangerous conditions with someone she may never have driven with before (or at least rarely). Based on the recap of your drive it sounds like she made the right choice.

I'd also take the advice of my family over an acquaintance any day!

If it's a dead end it might actually be a good thing - for her - if you are so judgemental!
Oh I do have to agree with this post, Bob. Sorry, but gee whiz! And you know what? You could have shown some honor toward Millie by not taking the other lady. Girls do talk, you know.
 

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your descriptions of millie, to this point, make her seem like a strong, independent woman with a good head on her shoulders. it sounds as if she had some misgivings about the weather conditions to begin with and the concerns of her children for her safety cemented those misgivings. giving priority to her family's peace of mind does not mean she "has to follow her family members' decisions."
 

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your descriptions of millie, to this point, make her seem like a strong, independent woman with a good head on her shoulders. it sounds as if she had some misgivings about the weather conditions to begin with and the concerns of her children for her safety cemented those misgivings. giving priority to her family's peace of mind does not mean she "has to follow her family members' decisions."
THAT^
 

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Having driven the road from Topeka to Lawrence several times in good weather and growing up on The Great Plains, there is no way I would have made that trip with out a hell of a lot better reason than a dance. It's not what that storm did that counts, it's what it could have done.
 

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Discussion Starter #14 (Edited)
I didn't get the slightest impression Millie had any concerns about driving with me -- it was that she had to follow what her daughters said.

And you know what? You could have shown some honor toward Millie by not taking the other lady. Girls do talk, you know.
Millie has made it very clear multiple times that ours is just a dancing relationship.

A man she'd been married to briefly when she was young -- and divorced -- is now back in her life but he's unable to dance due to health reasons. Millie (IMO) feels guilty for having divorced him plus her Florence Nightingale character and residual guilt demands she take some care of him. But she says she's told him she absolutley must continue dancing. (However, when dancing, I've often gotten the impression she'd sometimes like our relationship to be more than "just.")

I sure don't want to upset any future Millie has. We have very different backgrounds and experiences. I'm curious if we'd have any other commonalities other than dancing but sure don't want to upset the dancing relationship we have -- after all, it's not that bad a deal to often dance with the best dancer in the world. And at all the dances we've gone to except 2 special occasions, Millie and I both dance with a number of other people.

Shirley was determined to go to the dance last night and if I hadn't taken her, she was going to drive herself -- and I'm certainly a more experienced driver in that type of condition than she is. And, FWIW, the Interstate was clear and dry all the way to Lawrence; Lawrence had only the briefest smidgeon of snow. Conditions were at their worse in Topeka and KC.

I haven't the slightest doubt in the world that "women talk" -- I've often heard them.

But I haven't the slightest motivation to "be true to" a Millie who's not remotely in a committed relationship with me except for occasional dances. Now often while dancing and polishing each other's belt buckles the hunch does cross my mind that Millie might have some ambivalence ---- but that's a VERY far, far cry from having a committed relationship.

BTW, tomorrow is Millie's birthday (she told me when I gave her a few flowers last Saturday for Valentine's Day). The card I printed to go with those read "Roses are red, This lincomin's (sp?) blue, Sugar is sweet, I love dancing with you". My florist, a fellow member at the Cathedral, didn't have any violets or blue flowers so he sprayed the (lincomin?) blue and put it with 3 rose buds and ferns.

So I sent Millie a cute birthday card today that I got at my favorite, special shop that carries unique, quality cards. On the front it pictured a couple of cartoon characters, one dressed as a female, one as a male, each with green gecko like heads, dancing up a storm with each other and inside it reads,

Eat your hearts out, Fred and Ginger!

Happy Anniversary!​

I put white tape over the Anniversary and inked in Birthday over it.


 

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Bob weather like that is hard to predict out on the plains, our flurries they said we were going to have, turned into white outs. Have you ever been out in the open on the prairie dirving in a blizzard, there ain't much out there between you and the north pole to stop the wind except a few barb wire fences. 6 inches of snow can sometimes pile up 6 foot drifts and that Honda ain't got no ground clearance.
 

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Discussion Starter #16 (Edited)
Bob weather like that is hard to predict out on the plains, our flurries they said we were going to have, turned into white outs. Have you ever been out in the open on the prairie dirving in a blizzard, there ain't much out there between you and the north pole to stop the wind except a few barb wire fences. 6 inches of snow can sometimes pile up 6 foot drifts and that Honda ain't got no ground clearance.
I've lived in Kansas and driven across the plains and through the Rockies for probably as many if not more decades than Delmonico has. I've done extremely stupid things in the past, such as trying to beat a blizzard to Colorado (Blizzard 4, Bob 0), or driving over Loveland Pass in blizzards and no chains, but have lucked out every time.

I no longer rely that much on luck, fortunately!!

While I have some earned confidence in my own skill and an even greater respect for understanding the conditions I'm driving in, I usually am more concerned about the dangers other drivers present who do not adapt to the conditions and do not drive appropriately and who are a threat to anyone else on the road. They never display flashing lights warning others of who they are, unfortunately.

I would not have driven to Lawrence on I-70 in a white out. I would not have driven to Lawrence if I-70 had been icy or slick.

It was not. The I-70 highway was dry all the way. There were only a few flakes flying in the air.

People at the dance were concerned about how the weather might develop.

I went out to check several times during the dance and it remained as it had been when we came in -- clear. And that was the way it was all the way back. :yawn:

SHEESH!!

 

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I guess I can't figure out, that if it is just a "dancing relationship", and you are both clear about that, what in the world difference would it make if she did take her family's advice over yours? Why would the 'dancing relationship" be at a dead end? There is something unclear here - some ambivalence on your part or something.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
I guess I can't figure out, that if it is just a "dancing relationship", and you are both clear about that, what in the world difference would it make if she did take her family's advice over yours? Why would the 'dancing relationship" be at a dead end? There is something unclear here - some ambivalence on your part or something.
Understandable questions.

As mentioned, although Millie says we have only a dancing relationship, I sense some ambivalence on her part.

And, although I see large differences in our background/experiences, as yet I'm not willing to rule out that we'd not have other compatibilities and could form a comfortable union. Dancing together is SO great -- are there any, enough, other areas?

So that's why her taking her family's advice is a flag -- it becomes a factor on the "what might possibly be."

Even if we had many other compatibilities, it'd not be that agreeable to me to have a partner who always bowed to the wishes of either her children or her partner.

My taste and preference is for someone who thinks for herself.

IF we were to be a couple, I wouldn't want to be concerned and worried that my partner would be deferring to my wishes, preferences, or judgments rather than expressing her own.

I'm only sufficiently comfortable with people who do the latter.

Certainly, not everyone feels that way.

I happen to.

 

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you seem incredibly concerned with her background. you have mentioned it in several threads. that sounds somewhat...condescending. sorry, but it does. if you have this many hangups now i doubt you have a chance at a relationship(on the off chance one could be a possibility.)
 

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Discussion Starter #20
you seem incredibly concerned with her background. you have mentioned it in several threads. that sounds somewhat...condescending. sorry, but it does. if you have this many hangups now i doubt you have a chance at a relationship(on the off chance one could be a possibility.)
It may seem "incredibly concerned" to you but that Millie has a HS education and was a beautician while I have a much different background may seem inconsequential to you, but I happen to think that those are worthwhile, VERY legitimate, realistic issues in any long term relationship.

I'd NEVER dismiss Millie as being "beneath" me.

Second class? Never.

I admire and respect many of her traits.

Since we are so compatible in dancing, is it not legitimate, appropriate, sensical to wonder about what other areas we would have in common?



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