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Discussion Starter #1
Well, this is a long and scary situation. I have a friend who works at my father's company, who I had referred, and was hired in January. She is a very sweet girl, but is extremely vulnerable with men right now as she unexpectedly lost her father last summer. Last month she started dating this guy at her work, who I happened to know is one of my father's favorite employees since he is so sharp and productive. I didn't know much about him...had only met him once at a staff party and he made the mistake of making a sexist comment to me so I laid him out. But, for all I know it wasn't ill intended, right? Anyway, as they started dating, things just moved really fast, and she started staying at his place and they claimed that they were in love, etc. She did not seems herself, he would get jealous when she went out with family or friends, say things like "I can't live without you", and I had a really bad feeling and started doing some digging about this guy. My best friend is also employed there, and I asked her about this guy. She said that he had been really stalkerish to the girl that my other friend had replaced, and that girl had confided in my best friend about emails, notes, messages, etc. So, to make an already long story short, things got progressively worse, and last night my friend (the one who is dating this guy) called because they had gotten in a fight and she broke down and told me that on Friday he picked a fight with her because he had gone onto her myspace and her relationship status said "swinger" (which is a complete joke!), and the fight escalated and he hit her and threw her down onto the ground and then kicked her. OMG!!! First of all, he doesn't even have a myspace account...can we say stalker? So, the next night she went out with her mother to dinner, and came back to his appartment where she found the bathtub full of water, a knife, and a suicide note. He was in the bathroom apparently ready to kill himself. She pleaded with him not to do it, and he told her that he felt so bad about hitting her that he couldn't live with himself, and so she said she would never talk about it again.

I am so thankful that she finally came to her wits and told me, because she is smart and knows that she is in pretty deep and needs someone to help her get out. This guy is mental! He wasn't going to kill himself, he was manipulating her to gain control...she was so shocked when my initial reaction was that the whole thing was staged. He manipulated her into feeling bad about him abusing her! So, I helped her get out of the fog lastnight for about three hours...it is so hard to explain but as smart as she is and as wrong as she knew this whole thing was, she could still justify his actions. I have never seen her like this before! So, this morning I called my best friend to make sure this guy was at work and that she called me if he left her sight (he lives withing walking distance of work), and my other friend went with her brother (upon my demand) to get her belongings from his apartment. Against the wishes of my friend, I also went to my dad and told him what was happening, because I am scared shitless for her safety. I feel so guilty...I know it is not my place to get involved with matters going on at his office, but this is a serious situation. They had not even been dating for a month and he HIT her, and is psycho controlling...he fits the prototype of the monster who flips out and kills someone for trying to leave them! My dad and I are very close, and he promised that no one else would know about this, but that I did need to call his partner, because they would have to discuss together what to do about this guy. So I spoke with her, and she is a huge feminist, and obviously was just really concerned about my friend's safety.

This whole thing is such a mess, and I want that guy to burn in hell for doing this to my already fragile friend! PLEASE TELL ME I DID THE RIGHT THING!!!
 

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YOU DID! You may have saved your friend's life. That guy is a nutjob looking for somewhere/one to explode all over.
 

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You most certainly did the right thing!!!! Just glad that you were able to get thru to your friend in time and get her out of that scene.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I can't help but to feel guilty for betraying her trust and also getting involved where perhaps it is not my place, but since they work together I could not help but think what he could do by following her to the bathroom, the parking garage, etc. Not to mention, she has to see him everyday, and he HURT her! I also feel like I should have been more forceful with her to begin with...I had a bad feeling about this guy! And I tried to tell her that things did not seem right, but she just shrugged me off. My dad told me that just recently they had to have a serious talk with this guy about his behavior towards another girl in the office too, so this guy is apparently a serial psycho!
 

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OMG, Cadey you DID do the right thing. Your friend may owe her life to you. BUT if this guy gets fired make sure your dad beefs up the security. Seems like these are the ones that go back to the workplace for revenge. Scary situation.
 

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chocolatecoverdlab said:
I can't help but to feel guilty for betraying her trust and also getting involved where perhaps it is not my place, but since they work together I could not help but think what he could do by following her to the bathroom, the parking garage, etc. Not to mention, she has to see him everyday, and he HURT her! My dad told me that just recently they had to have a serious talk with this guy about his behavior towards another girl in the office too, so this guy is apparently a serial psycho!
Probably time to let him go.
 

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Cadey, don't feel guilty AT ALL!! You did what was right and you are a great friend.
 

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You most certainly did the right thing!!! You probably saved her life. I woudl say she needs to go get a protective order against him at least that way they can start a paper trail and maybe get him arrested if he keeps stalking her.

Your a good friend please stay on her about this. I have a cousin who's in a not so great relationship with a control freak (not physically abusive but verbally). It's very hard to get them to see how bad it is and that their life will not be over if they leave them.
 

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I'm just wondering out loud here. If this guy gets fired ,will he make the connection? What if losing his job sends him over the edge? I don't like the feel of any of this. She needed to press charges immediately upon getting hit by this jerk. Now if the guy gets canned, it's gonna look like she got him fired and not his abusive actions and resulting arrest. Too much of this is going to point at you and your friend and the reality is it's not your fault.

I hope this works out for the good. I gotta bad feeling.
 
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Cadey you did the right thing personally but your friend needs to get a restraining order, press charges for him hitting her and your dad and his partner need to get a security program set up. They have prior justification for firiring him judging by what you're saying (his previous problems with other women in the office) so that may not be an issue legally, but he'll blame it on her anyway.

This guy is a prime candidate for coming in and shooting up the office. They absolutely have to be very seriously proactive about the security issue.
 

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BudGirl8 said:
Cadey you did the right thing personally but your friend needs to get a restraining order, press charges for him hitting her and your dad and his partner need to get a security program set up. They have prior justification for firiring him judging by what you're saying (his previous problems with other women in the office) so that may not be an issue legally, but he'll blame it on her anyway.

This guy is a prime candidate for coming in and shooting up the office. They absolutely have to be very seriously proactive about the security issue.
Good points. Does your Dad's company have an attorney they deal with for HR things? If so, he should call that person and explain what's going on. They can probably help him get the proper security in place.
 

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labs4life said:
I'm just wondering out loud here. If this guy gets fired ,will he make the connection? What if losing his job sends him over the edge? I don't like the feel of any of this. She needed to press charges immediately upon getting hit by this jerk. Now if the guy gets canned, it's gonna look like she got him fired and not his abusive actions and resulting arrest. Too much of this is going to point at you and your friend and the reality is it's not your fault.

I hope this works out for the good. I gotta bad feeling.
I totally agree with this right here, and I would say that the restraining order is a MUST. This guy is a ticking time-bomb, and will eventually kill or permanently injure someone if he isn't stopped. In this situation, the escalation of violence and bizarre behavior happened so quickly that I'm very much afraid for your friend. This has all the components of a really bad meltdown all over it.

Pressing charges will help to protect your Father and his partner as well, as they can point to the arrest as reason for dismissal, and they can order protection for themselves, since some of the stalking occurred on company property.

Perhaps this will be a wake-up call for this person to get help, I doubt it, but at least he'll know that there's a record of his horrible behavior that can be accessed the next time he loses his mind like that.

You may have just saved your friends life, and possibly the lives of others in this nut's path.
 

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Don't feel guilty, you totally did the right thing, both with your friend, and going to your dad. I hope that your friend is able to stay out of harm's way with this guy.
 

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This guy needs to be jailed. The best opportunity to jail this creep was the same day he hit your friend,what last Friday? This guy cannot easily be arrested for anything right now. A restraining order is a good idea. It will be hard to get a restraining order without the police report from last Friday's attack. Restraining orders do not guarantee any safety either. Extra security guards. I'll buy that. Good for the work place. What about everywhere else? I'm not trying to be negative here,but it is so difficult for the police to do anything when crimes aren't reported. Immediatly!
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Yes, I understand all of those points. I just got off the phone with my dad, and he and his partner met this morning, and are going to fire the guy. They will not be doing it based on any information that I provided. They apparently had some behavioral issues with him recently making sexist comments to women in the office. He also failed a certification exam that he needed for a promotion and has been behind on his projects. He was even at work all night last night to try and catch up. Also, this guy has two DUI's, so my dad is going to do a background check on all of the employees and use that as part of his "decision". I wouldn't be suprised if they found prior assault charges too. He also said that they will be changing the locks over the weekend, and will be increasing security. This guy is going to go off the deep end! :-\
 
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This man is very dangerous. Your friend needs a safe place to stay where he cannot get to her.
 
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labs4life said:
This guy needs to be jailed. The best opportunity to jail this creep was the same day he hit your friend,what last Friday? This guy cannot easily be arrested for anything right now. A restraining order is a good idea. It will be hard to get a restraining order without the police report from last Friday's attack. Restraining orders do not guarantee any safety either. Extra security guards. I'll buy that. Good for the work place. What about everywhere else? I'm not trying to be negative here,but it is so difficult for the police to do anything when crimes aren't reported. Immediatly!
You're right...and that's why d.v. is so hard to fight. Cadey, if you want to help even more, start researching restraining orders and domestic violence laws in that area and see what it's going to take to get one against this guy. That way the evidence can start to be gathered. Unfortunately if no photos were taken of her injuries from getting hit, that is probably off the table. It's a really tough spot she's in now.

As for the work place...time to install electronic badges and security guards. Hire a consultant to come in and set up a plan, get the police to come in and help with evaluating the outside landscaping for places he can hide (a lot of departments will do this, some won't), you can hire off duty police even. There's a lot of security options. Just have to find the best one for this company.

I'm sorry you and your friend and your dad have to deal with this Cadey...it just seems like people are acting like jackasses more and more these days.
 

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chocolatecoverdlab said:
Yes, I understand all of those points. I just got off the phone with my dad, and he and his partner met this morning, and are going to fire the guy. They will not be doing it based on any information that I provided. They apparently had some behavioral issues with him recently making sexist comments to women in the office. He also failed a certification exam that he needed for a promotion and has been behind on his projects. He was even at work all night last night to try and catch up. Also, this guy has two DUI's, so my dad is going to do a background check on all of the employees and use that as part of his "decision". I wouldn't be suprised if they found prior assault charges too. He also said that they will be changing the locks over the weekend, and will be increasing security. This guy is going to go off the deep end! :-\
I hope this is the end of it. I don't know too many rent-a-cops that will take a bullet for 12 bucks an hour.

Please everyone "If you feel you are the victim of a crime. Report it immediatley!'' Also, Ladies you are not punching bags,nor are you "property". One of my biggest fears is that this could happen to one of my girls. I get upset when I hear these stories. I apologize.
 
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