[dweck]

Who has been estranged from the rest of the family since well before my father's passing in 2006? And continued thru my mother's passing in 2008?

The one who, of his own choosing, is a stranger to my kids, including Amanda, his God-daughter?

The one to whom I offered the olive branch of a Christmas card this year -- first time in a LONG time?

The card that also contained my business card (full contact info) and a note saying: "It's time to put the past behind us. Call me."?

That brother?

Just thought I'd close the loop on this for all you in JL-land:

No call.

 

[MidwestGirl]

bummer!

 

[TangerineFizz]

Well, it is only January 6th.

 

[jzgrlduff]

Well CRAP! I thought this was going to say that you DID hear from him.

Rotten bastage.

 

[blacklabelias]

Sorry Dan.

 

[Bob Pr.]

Sorry.

But you did make a good attempt to start to get some healing, if it doesn't work on a first attempt maybe it will on a fifth or tenth.

 

[Clanceycanuck]

I'm sorry Dan.

But I wouldn't shut the door just yet, he obviously has many issues and it may take him a long time to come around. I don't want you to have false hope - but there may be many demons.

 

[IzzyLucyWillie]

You tried.
You never know, he may have that card in his wallet and working up the nerve to call.

 

[Paddysmom]

That's too bad. Maybe you just need to find a way to let go without beating yourself up over it.

 

[Retriever Mama]

You tried.
You never know, he may have that card in his wallet and working up the nerve to call.

This.

 

[dweck]

I'm not even sure he got it.

His wife hates us more than he does. Or at least she did. If she were home when it arrived and opened it and saw who it was from, she may have shredded it right then/there. I purposefully put no return address on the envelope, hoping to avoid the shred-just-based-on-the-return-addy syndrom. But even w/that precaution, he may have never even seen it or knew it arrived.....

//shrugs//

Onward, I guess....

 

[kaisdad]

I'm sorry, Dan. But I suggest making that gesture a Christmas tradition. Send that very same olive branch to him every year. One day it just might work.

 

[Dexter Dogg]

I suggest making that gesture a Christmas tradition. Send that very same olive branch to him every year. One day it just might work.

I think this is a great idea.

 

[jzgrlduff]

Lisa is right. It did, after all, take me 2 months to get the nerve up to return my brothers call. It's a scary thing to have to face, believe me.

I also agree with Cam, do it every year.

 

[joflake]

Sorry, Dan, but I agree with the others. Maybe he's working up the nerve, maybe he needs to think about it a bit. If you think he may not have received it, why don't you send him a note at work, that way the wife can't interfere. If he talked to her about it, maybe she pitched a fit and told him not to call, that might be his hesitation. He'd have to go behind her back. I would not quit trying if I were you. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

 

[TangerineFizz]

Cam has a great suggestion Dan.

 

[Bob Pr.]

Originally Posted by kaisdad
I suggest making that gesture a Christmas tradition. Send that very same olive branch to him every year. One day it just might work.

Ditto.

I'm not even sure he got it.

His wife hates us more than he does. Or at least she did. If she were home when it arrived and opened it and saw who it was from, she may have shredded it right then/there. I purposefully put no return address on the envelope, hoping to avoid the shred-just-based-on-the-return-addy syndrom. But even w/that precaution, he may have never even seen it or knew it arrived.....

Do you know (or can you find out) where he works and send your cards to him there?

 

[dweck]

I'd be really reluctant to send it to his work. He works in a hospital. I once called him there (around the time that my mother's health was first beginning to deteriorate) and all hell broke loose: "I'm not allowed personal phone calls during the work day!!"

"Not even with your mother very ill?"

"NO!"

"It's not like I just called to chat about the weather! Besides, you screen our calls @ home..."

"Well don't bother me at work anymore, either!"

It wasn't pretty.......

The yearly tradition of a card.

Hm.

OTOH - Yes, it may take some persistence to re-establish contact
OTOH - It was tough enough sending this year's... I'll see where I am on this issue in Dec 2010.

 

[Thunders Mom]

Sometimes you just have to say "screw it" and move on. I know he's your brother, but why put yourself thru it. Maybe one more try next holiday season. I wouldn't go beyond that myself. But that's just me!

 

[kaisdad]

I can't help think of how it all works out in "A Christmas Carol", where, at the end, Scrooge (your brother) finally takes his nephew (you) up on the countless, annual invitations.

Hell, send your brother a copy of the book with that portion of the story highlighted!