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Discussion Starter #1
Okay... so I mentioned on here that my very good friends David and Marilka are getting married (destination wedding... so no "wedding gift" wanted other than presence at wedding). A surprise engagement party is being held by Marilka's 4 best girl friends. I will of course offer to help the hostess however I can... but I'm wondering if I'm supposed to bring an engagement party gift. Is there something that is generally appropriate? (I'm sure there will be a bridal shower at some point too.)

Some general information:

Both bride and groom are good friends of mine.
Not to say that "money is no object" but I certainly don't feel bad spending money on these friends.
We are all between 29-35 years old (uh.. does this matter?)
The couple have been living together for like 10 years so they don't really "need" any traditional wedding type gifts. (household items)
 

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I'd be seriously pissy about an "engagement" party.. especially if it was a gifted event.. i mean FFS already.. engagement party, bach/bach'ette party, wedding shower, wedding.. wtf.. enough already!

Then there's those assholes who get knocked up at or around the wedding so you get to do that **** all over again for their child.

HOORAY!
 

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My friend's family threw her and her fiance an engagement party. No gifts were expected. It was just a yay! let's celebrate the engagement. I brought a bottle of wine just to be polite. alot of people brought things like cards or bottle of wine or some flowers. Something small like that would suffice I think.
 

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I agree with the wine for the engagement party. For a shower gift, maybe a gift card to a place that caters to one of their passions: Cabela's or Gander Mountain if they are into sports and the outdoors, a wine shop, specialty grocery store, Home Depot, bike shop, etc.
 

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This reminds me of the most outlandish gift request I think I've ever gotten. In a wedding for an old high school friend - so you have all the expenses of being a bridesmaid in addition to the expenses of being a guest. While we were all getting ready before the wedding, the maid of honor comes up to me and says she needs $xx (I think it was $20) for the bridesmaids gift. I said "excuse me?" "Our group wedding gift as bridesmaids to the bride."

What the hell? I have no idea what "we" got her.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
BTW guys... in my original post I wasn't clear that I was asking IF it was customary to get a gift for an engagement party... and if so... what kind of gift? No mention of gifts were in the invitation so I wasn't sure if there was an expectation or not.
 

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This reminds me of the most outlandish gift request I think I've ever gotten. In a wedding for an old high school friend - so you have all the expenses of being a bridesmaid in addition to the expenses of being a guest. While we were all getting ready before the wedding, the maid of honor comes up to me and says she needs $xx (I think it was $20) for the bridesmaids gift. I said "excuse me?" "Our group wedding gift as bridesmaids to the bride."

What the hell? I have no idea what "we" got her.
zomg.. i would have told her to shove her gift up her arse
 

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BTW guys... in my original post I wasn't clear that I was asking IF it was customary to get a gift for an engagement party... and if so... what kind of gift? No mention of gifts were in the invitation so I wasn't sure if there was an expectation or not.
I know, Lindsay. I think we just went off on a tirade based on previous experiences. =)
 

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BTW guys... in my original post I wasn't clear that I was asking IF it was customary to get a gift for an engagement party... and if so... what kind of gift? No mention of gifts were in the invitation so I wasn't sure if there was an expectation or not.
I don't think it is. At least it wasn't at any of the ones I have been to or know of that my parents went to. If not specified, it isn't expected. It is kinda like going to a party at a friend's place only it is to celebrate an engagement.

A nice congratulations on your engagement card would work too :p Really I think it is one of those things that you could do what you are most comfortable with. Get them something or not.
 

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This reminds me of the most outlandish gift request I think I've ever gotten. In a wedding for an old high school friend - so you have all the expenses of being a bridesmaid in addition to the expenses of being a guest. While we were all getting ready before the wedding, the maid of honor comes up to me and says she needs $xx (I think it was $20) for the bridesmaids gift. I said "excuse me?" "Our group wedding gift as bridesmaids to the bride."

What the hell? I have no idea what "we" got her.
woah that is a bit much.


My parents were invited to a small wedding once and in the registry there were no items below $200. I thought that was a bit bold and rude considering the number of items registered were the same number of people coming to the wedding. So it wasn't like a bunch of people could split the cost of one gift. I mean really who needs two of those large Swarovski crystal swans? Most of the registry was filled with items like that.
I get it people like to collect stuff like that but I thought it was a bit weird to expect other folks to buy it for you at your wedding.
 

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John and I had an engagement get together at a local microbrewery/pizza place. We just invited some close friends to show off the ring and talk about Paris all in one swoop rather than 100 little "I'm coming over to hear about it" visits. Certainly no gifts expected! Although some people and the Owner of the restaurant did buy us drinks :)

I'd say bring a dish or bottle of wine!
 

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I don't think a gift is expected at an engagement party. I would just do a gift for the bridal shower, and something after the wedding.
 

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I found this on an ettiquette website:

Q: Should guests bring gifts to an engagement party?
A: Most guests should not bring a gift to an engagement party, however many do. Engagement gifts are generally supposed to be limited to only the closest friends and family of the bride and groom. However, the bride and groom should never expect a gift from any of their guests.

Q: Should the bride and groom register for gifts before their engagement party?
A: No, absolutely not. Registering is a way of saying you expect gifts. The bride and groom should not expect gifts at their engagement party.

If you choose to get a gift: A journal/scrapbook/photo album to fill when they return, music that they both enjoy, or stuff they can use at the resort (sunscreen, disposable underwater camera, travel book about the area, etc.).
 

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hard one Lindsay. In Australia people generally always gift at an E. Party. We held one and our guests were extremely generous.

In saying that I'm not having a a bridal shower.... just a dinner out with girlfriends and female family members a few weeks before the wedding for a hen's night that my bridesmaids insist I have.

I really only wanted an Engagement Party & Wedding.

So in answer to your question, yes in Australia you buy a small Engagement Gift. Things I really think are nice for an E. Party gift is something that is handy for the home.

Because your friends have lived together forever I would probably get them something like a nice photo frame that they can put a pic of themselves in from their Engagement Party.

Even if friends didn't want gifts for an E.Party, if they were close I would definitely buy them something. We never asked for E.Party gifts, but everyone brought one anyway. It's just the Aussie thing to do I guess!
 

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Forgive me in advance for my rant-

but I'm tired of all the **** parties that go along with weddings! I'm tired of all the money I'm expected to spend because two people have decided that they want to make it legal. Grrrr..

BUT- I do see that they are not the ones planning it and have no idea- so I would say- NO GIFT! A nice card? Yes. Maybe a bottle of wine. But that's as far as I'd go.

My SIL is getting married next year and so far, we've had an engagement party. I did not buy a gift. Because when my other SIL was married two years ago, I did not buy them an engagement gift, so I wasn't doing for one what I had not done for the other. And we will still have to attend their Jack and Jill. And then TWO, not one, but TWO flipping showers, as my inlaws are divorced and there will not be a combined shower for the families. Plus the bloody wedding itself, which will include a gift and the cost of having my two kids in the wedding.

Signed,
bitter party of one.
 

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Forgive me in advance for my rant - but I'm tired of all the **** parties that go along with weddings! I'm tired of all the money I'm expected to spend because two people have decided that they want to make it legal. Grrrr..
I am right there with you! When my sister got married there was an engagement party, 2 showers (I hosted one), bachelorette party, wedding gift, I was the matron on honor - dress, shoes, jewlery, etc., one of my kids was the junior groomsman, and the other was the ring bearer. I bet when all was said and done, I was in for well over a grand. Love my sister to death, and was honored to be part of her day . . . but it was a lot of money spend for someone else's wedding.
 

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And if you have to travel to get to the wedding, hotels, etc. frig that. You get a wedding gift. If I attend a shower, I bring a gift, but I decline all wedding and baby showers aside from the very closest of friends & family. Or if I am forced into at at-work-shower, then I usually just kick in towards a larger group gift.

I especially love the extended family shower invites. IDue to my adoption, I am a fair bit younger than most of my cousins, and I have a ton of the,. I rarely saw them in childhood, & barely know half of their names, & wouldn't recognize many of them if I tripped over them . My cousin sent an invitation through my mother (she didn't know where I lived) to her daughter's baby shower. WTF????
 

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I have a friend who seems to re-marry everytime 3 or more kitchen appliances puke. Just saying there might be a pattern.
 
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