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Well, the latest on him is that he has been asked to leave my old church where he's at. The district superintendent agreed to move him and told the Staff Parish that it will probably be June when all is said and done. They told him if that is the best they can do ok, but if they could work on finding him a position somewhere else sooner that would be even better. I guess after I left (it's been a whole year now) they have had 12 long time members leave and more have started attending intermittently. He also lost or misplaced the membership book that was kept in the safe. He was the last to have it and he doesn't have any idea where it could be. (That is a reason I wouldn't let him take it home with him.) It holds the history of the church and is priceless. I hope they find it. Then, his wife (who always told me she understood why I had a hard time with him) has filed for divorce. This will be his 2nd divorce in 10 years. I really feel bad for him, I can't imagine how hard it is to go to work knowing they don't want you there. HOWEVER, I don't miss the stress of his constant micro managing. Their new secretary is really relieved he is leaving she said. I hope they replace him with someone that church and the secretary can embrace and thrive with. It's such a wonderful place full of good, caring people. They deserve a good Pastor. I hope he finds whatever he's looking for, poor guy.
 

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I get no pleasure out of his misery, and truly wish him well. I'm going to make a trip over after the holidays and sit down and talk to him. I guess, I want to clear the air before he leaves. Am I nuts or what?
 

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I don't understand why you feel sorry for him. The guy is obviously an ar$ehole & all his current problems appear to be self inflicted. The fact he is facing his 2nd divorce in 10 years is testament to that. If only he would change his ways & treat people with more respect, he wouldn't be in this position. This is the same guy who preaches love thy fellow man etc but he can't practice what he preaches. Another case of hypocrisy at its best.

IMO, this is just karma catching up with him & biting him in the butt. ;)
 

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I don't understand why you feel sorry for him. The guy is obviously an ar$ehole & all his current problems appear to be self inflicted. The fact he is facing his 2nd divorce in 10 years is testament to that. If only he would change his ways & treat people with more respect, he wouldn't be in this position. This is the same guy who preaches love thy fellow man etc but he can't practice what he preaches. Another case of hypocrisy at its best.

IMO, this is just karma catching up with him & biting him in the butt. ;)
I agree with Garth, if he ain't figgered it out by now it ain't worth the trouble, some folks just never learn.
 

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I understand that you feel sorry for him, but honestly it shouldn't surprise him. Sooner or later you reap what you sow.
 

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You shouldn't feel sorry for him. Pity maybe. Along the lines that labby wrote, one of my favorites is, What goes around, comes around. Good people attract good friends, Bad people either have bad friends or no friends. He was in a leadership position for a close community.He chose not to join the group heled. That is not something you should be sorry for.
 

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Well, the latest on him is that he has been asked to leave my old church where he's at. The district superintendent agreed to move him and told the Staff Parish that it will probably be June when all is said and done. They told him if that is the best they can do ok, but if they could work on finding him a position somewhere else sooner that would be even better. I guess after I left (it's been a whole year now) they have had 12 long time members leave and more have started attending intermittently. He also lost or misplaced the membership book that was kept in the safe. He was the last to have it and he doesn't have any idea where it could be. (That is a reason I wouldn't let him take it home with him.) It holds the history of the church and is priceless. I hope they find it. Then, his wife (who always told me she understood why I had a hard time with him) has filed for divorce. This will be his 2nd divorce in 10 years. I really feel bad for him, I can't imagine how hard it is to go to work knowing they don't want you there. HOWEVER, I don't miss the stress of his constant micro managing. Their new secretary is really relieved he is leaving she said. I hope they replace him with someone that church and the secretary can embrace and thrive with. It's such a wonderful place full of good, caring people. They deserve a good Pastor. I hope he finds whatever he's looking for, poor guy.
Your "pasterd" is a person with a LOT of problems.

But, IMO, he's FAR less to be blamed than the district superintendent. Your "pasterd" obviously has long standing severe relational and leadership problems.

Is he just going to be moved to another congregation?

That's insane!!

The DS is NOT doing his/her job. The DS needs to be a pastor to this defective, crippled pastor and direct him into either therapy to examine the mess he's making with his life and mission or to get out of the ministry and into something else.

IMO, if the DS does NOT do this, but just moves him to another congregation, he/she's no better than bishops who moved priests who were abusing children from parish to parish, never confronting the problem of the individual.

IF the DS does NOT do this, then he/she has severe problems and deficiencies in leadership and doing the job they were entrusted and impowered to do.

THIS pastor has, and has long had BIG, SEVERE problems that hurt him, his congregation, and everyone he has contact with. Someone needs to steer him and, if the DS fails to do his/her job, who is to do that?

I'm going to make a trip over after the holidays and sit down and talk to him. I guess, I want to clear the air before he leaves. Am I nuts or what?
I don't think you're nuts.

I think you're a very caring person with an admirable compassion for even those who've caused you problems.

I only vaguely know the structure and workings of the UMChurch. You might consider pleading with this DS to take a more active role in directing your "pasterd" into getting help.

AND, if the District Superintendent seems deaf or unresponsive to your pleading -- take your case up to a higher level.

I presume you have a good relationship with your present UM pastor?

I suggest you discuss this situation with him (or any other UM pastor you feel comfortable talking with) to get advice on how you might most effectively proceed within the byways of the UM church.

Taking an active interventionist role in this could save many future congregations as well as this man's life and future.

Good luck!!

Happy intervening!!


 

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What is really disturbing is he has his doctorate in marital counseling. :eek:
2 failed marriages... I sure wouldn't go to him for help.
I do believe they are going to try to put him somewhere where he doesn't really have to 'run' a church. Maybe push paper or something like that has been suggested. I just can't imagine what has gone on in his life to turn him into what he is. It makes you wonder. His father was a pastor too, I wonder if it had anything to do with that. We will never know. :confused:
 

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What is really disturbing is he has his doctorate in marital counseling. :eek:
2 failed marriages... I sure wouldn't go to him for help.
I do believe they are going to try to put him somewhere where he doesn't really have to 'run' a church. Maybe push paper or something like that has been suggested. I just can't imagine what has gone on in his life to turn him into what he is. It makes you wonder. His father was a pastor too, I wonder if it had anything to do with that. We will never know. :confused:
It all depends on the course material. I never took sociology, but I do remember a friend being hella PO'd because the book said that even an abusive marriage should be saved at any cost.
 

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What is really disturbing is he has his doctorate in marital counseling.
From where?

There are a number of online so-called "universities" that offer pieces of paper awarding such "degrees" (in exchange for Pieces of Eight) but, in doing a quick google search, I didn't find any "established" universities that offer such a degree.

A legitimate "doctorate" in a mental health area dealing with face to face treatment usually involves at least 4 years or more study past a bachelors or masters plus 1-3 years internships or residencies under close supervision.

Any worthwhile program in the counseling/therapy/mental health area (psychiatry, psychology/clinical social work) screens people at many different times and levels to provide some assurance that the person is competent and sufficiently adjusted.

For this man, as with Maj. Hasan, the Ft. Worth killer, there's been a massive series of administrative and supervisory failures -- admitting him to seminary, graduating him from seminary, the same with his "marital counseling doctorate," the same with evaluating his performance in any church to which he's been assigned.

IMO, it's been tragic, shameful, and inept that such behavior has been allowed to go on for so very long.


 

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I'm glad you were able to find another job... What a nightmare!!! IMO, the guy needs a lot of prayer and psychiatric counseling for himself... He also doesn't need to be doing ANYTHING that involves working with people until he overcomes whatever he is dealing with...
 
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