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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So... my mother is a manipulative evil genius!

Did I tell the story of the knitting needles here? Not sure... so here's a recap...

One weekend I went to mom's, asked her to teach me how to knit (she used to knit a couple of years ago but has since moved on to a new "crafting" love... water coloring... she switches hobbies a lot... most recently quilting, knitting, and water coloring)... which she did and let me have some scrap yarn of hers and borrow one of her circular knitting needles.

SO... I fall in love with knitting right? I'm on my 3rd project right now (cabled scarf I'm almost done with) and I have many planned. Now.. the sucky thing about knitting is that every project I see seems to need a different needle type/size.

SO... I called up my mom and VERY politely said, "hey mom.. I'm really getting into this knitting thing... I really like it and I'm excited about being able to make all these things... blah blah blah... I was wondering... since you aren't using your needles, could I borrow them? Of course, if you take up knitting again or want them back for any other reason, I will send them back... and of course if I stop knitting I'll send them back to you."

Her answer?

"no." "they were an investment"

ME... "ummm okay" (thinking... WTF?!!!)

So I drop it right? I mean... it is just not worth an argument and it's another reason why I need to realize to literally not expect ANYTHING from her, no matter how small.

So anyways... here I am... plugging along... picking out new projects and ordering needles/yarn for one project ahead of myself (oh god I'm tempted to go so much farther than this) and she sent me a package. (which she warned me ahead of time she was sending)

I thought... oh cool... she's changed her mind on the needles and is sending them to me. (yay I win for just relaxing and sitting back and not creating an argument)

Uhh... no.

In the box is the pattern, materials, and needle to make a knitted felted bag. It's the same bag SHE made (and loved) as one of her first projects.

Here's the downside. I don't want it. I don't like the color of yarn, I don't like the project (and I've discovered in knitting... when you don't like something... it makes it 10 million times harder to finish)... the yarn is okay yarn... I mean I could probably find another project to do with it (even though I don't like the color), but the pattern calls for one additional small ball of some really special yarn which would now be useless. The knitting needle is an okay needle (but in a size which I may never use).

/sigh

She included receipts (it's from a local yarn shop in Madison, 77 miles away) but no note. So she spent $50 when I would have been elated if she had just loaned me her needles she's not using, costing her nothing.

The "manipulative evil genius" part... I think she did this on purpose (bought a project worth of stuff without finding out first if I wanted to make that bag, and in colors that are just not what I like) so that I'd have to go to Madison (thus visiting her) and return/exchange the stuff for a project I'd actually like to do.

So... what to do? I haven't talked to her yet, but will need to say something by tomorrow (when she knows I will have received the package). Part of me wants to just give it away to someone who wants it thus neutralizing the bad karma.
 

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Here's my kneejerk reaction, Linds.

Quit going to your mom for anything. You just set yourself up for a manipulation scenario.

If you want to play snark with her, send a note back thanking her for discreetly including the receipt for the cost of the goods. Tell her that, since it is a project you will probably not get into in any forseeable future, you will look upon it as an investment.
 

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She thinks alot like my father. He's the King of Manipulation. :(

What I would do, because I feel horrible for everything, especially when someone gives me something I don't want or can't use. I accept it gracefully, say thank you, and then put it away and never use it.
 

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My 2 cents would be just to send it back with a note saying it's not a project you want to do. I wouldn't give it away cause she will probably hound you about doing it or get angry that you gave it away. You can also say your much to busy to make the trip to return it yourself hence that's why you mailed it.

whatever you do-GOOD LUCK
 

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I would send the entire package back to her with a note saying you've got so many projects planned that you will never get to this, so she might want to just return it. No accusations, no comments, nothing. Just send it back, and don't look to borrow anything, ever.
 

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Thank her, and move on. My mom is also very manipulative, and has a need to be needed. It took me a longtime, but I eventually learned that it was easier to accept her for who she is.

I haven't asked my mom for anything in years (not even a receipe), because I know that everything comes with strings. She still does things on her own, like paying for magazine subscriptions that she thinks I need: Catholic Digest, Guideposts, Prevention, Heath, Women's Day, Family Fun, Good Housekeeping, Redbook, Family Circle, Martha Stuart Living, and the list goes on. Do I need or want any of these? No, but I just thank her and move on.

She takes my kids shopping for school clothes, and buys them $150 shoes that they are going to ruin/outgrow in 2 months. Do I wish she would buy them less expensive shoes, and give me the rest of the money to replace them in a few months? Yes, but I have learned that my life is much more simple if I just thank her and move on.

It has taken me 35+ years to be able to appreciate her for who she is. She still drives me nuts, but she is the only mom I will ever have.
 

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How long has your mother been a manipulative person? In other words, is this new?

I'm in agreement with Debi. You're not going to change who she is. You can only change how you respond to her. I'd just thank her for the stuff and put it away somewhere for "later", and never ask her for anything again.
 

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No, no, no. Don't you know how to play this game???

"Gee, Mom. Thanx TONS for the supplies for the project materials. But Y'know what?? Knitting that bag would be a piece of cake if I had YOUR NEEDLES THAT I ASKED TO BORROW!!!!"

*****poing-g-g-g-g-g-g*****
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I just thanked her... and said I wasn't sure when I'd get to it.

(btw... looking at the receipt... I can't return any of it anyways... needle sales are "final"... and yarn sales are final if they are wound into balls (which mom had done there) otherwise you can only exchange them)

I guess this will be the first addition to my "stash" I hear so many knitters talk about.
 

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Lindsay, post it on Ravelry to someone who wants it - that way you don't have to hang on to it, and it'll go to someone who does.... Who knows? maybe that person will trade you for it, or something....
 

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OMG! She wound the skeins into balls before she gave them to you?!?
Oh she's a tricky one! She's a knitter! She KNEW you wouldn't be able to return them! Or the needles. She's a piece o' work, Linds. No disrespect, but golly!
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Lindsay, post it on Ravelry to someone who wants it - that way you don't have to hang on to it, and it'll go to someone who does.... Who knows? maybe that person will trade you for it, or something....
I think I'll do that after I check with the knitting group... and actually tonight I'm meeting up with a friend of Paul's who is really nice, likes to knit, but recently has been unemployed sporadically. If she would like the materials I might give to her.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Get a kitten :)
I love this suggestion. I actually have been thinking about it... even though I am NOT a cat person. Paul has a cat (16 years old!) who loves me and I actually like her a lot as well. But I haven't been spending that much time at home, so I don't think getting a pet would be fair to the kitty.

So selfishly... yes.
Reality... no.
 

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I'm meeting up with a friend of Paul's who is really nice, likes to knit, but recently has been unemployed sporadically. If she would like the materials I might give to her.
That is a great idea.
 

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Who is this Paul of which you speak? :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Who is this Paul of which you speak? :)
A friend from work. He's the one that got me into Scottish Country Dancing.

And sometimes gaming at his friend Scott's house.

Scottish Country Dancing...



Gaming...


HAHAHAHA... he's wearing the same shirt in both pictures.
 
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