[BauersMom]

I have a 10th grade son that is on my last nerve. He gets good grades, but has the potential to get great grades. He is extremely smart, but doesn't apply himself. He does just enough to get by. Weekly we have arguments about how important it is to keep his grades as high as possible, participate in school events, volunteer, etc. For the last couple of months he has decided that he doesn't really have to go to college, and probably doesn't want to go to college. AHHHHHH! He drives me crazy. Anyone else go through this? How can I make him understand how important this is?

 

[dweck]

Let him skip.

If he's content filling positions that don't require a degree, great. Maybe it was his destiny to do these jobs. Hey, SOMEONE's got to do them.

If he's miserable with physical labor or work he otherwise finds menial, he'll have learned for himself what a college education can mean and, because HE'LL want it, pursue without haranguing.

Best of all: He may even get w/an employer who'll pay for it thru tuition reimbursement.

 

[Ender's Mom]

I really think all the college prep stuff is just way too much pressure and burns kids out. It gets worse every year.

I don't have any advice... but I think it's very common to feel that frustration both on the kid level and the parent level.

 

[Retriever Mama]

I don't have kids, but I have a coworker who is complaining about the same thing...is he immature for his age? Some kids need a bit longer to realize how their decisions affect their lives...does he have any interests or idea of what he would like to study in college? Maybe if you visited some colleges with him and got him to focus on what he wants to do...it might be easier to motivate him to do better.

 

[BauersMom]

Let him skip.

If he's content filling positions that don't require a degree, great. Maybe it was his destiny to do these jobs. Hey, SOMEONE's got to do them.

If he's miserable with physical labor or work he otherwise finds menial, he'll have learned for himself what a college education can mean and, because HE'LL want it, pursue without haranguing.

Best of all: He may even get w/an employer who'll pay for it thru tuition reimbursement.

That is a really good point, maybe I just have to let him figure it out for himself . . . it is just so hard!

 

[dweck]

it is just so hard!

No doubt!! Like when you watch them totter down the street for the first time on a bike alone. You just KNOW they're going to crash, but that they've either got to or learn how to pedal ASAP!

 

[BauersMom]

I don't have kids, but I have a coworker who is complaining about the same thing...is he immature for his age? Some kids need a bit longer to realize how their decisions affect their lives...does he have any interests or idea of what he would like to study in college? Maybe if you visited some colleges with him and got him to focus on what he wants to do...it might be easier to motivate him to do better.

He is not immature for his age, he is actually very mature. His argument last night was . . . "the unemployment in MI is at an all time high. How many of those people have college degrees? Didn't work out so well for them. They wasted 4 years of their lives for nothing." He is very smart and mature; which is why it is so frustrating.

 

[kelli]

He's a 15-16 year old male.. he doesn't have the brain capacity to understand that what he does now, can have consequences on his life later on. I know. I watch Dr. Phil =)

That being said.. don't panic.. a lot of people don't know what to do with themselves until much later in life and turn out fine. He has plenty of time to correct a wrong path.

 

[Ender's Mom]

I'm 29 and not using my degree it took me 5 years to get and thinking about going to grad school... but in this economy... my job is excellent benefits and secure and is "enough" to get by... and I got it before I went to school.

Going to college isn't the end all be all... but I think it's good to always keep that option open.

 

[BauersMom]

No doubt!! Like when you watch them totter down the street for the first time on a bike alone. You just KNOW they're going to crash, but that they've either got to or learn how to pedal ASAP!

LOL! Perhaps I was a bit over-protective, but the first time my kids rode bikes they wore their hockey helmets (with full face masks).

 

[Maple1]

He is not immature for his age, he is actually very mature. His argument last night was . . . "the unemployment in MI is at an all time high. How many of those people have college degrees? Didn't work out so well for them. They wasted 4 years of their lives for nothing." He is very smart and mature; which is why it is so frustrating.

Maybe smart and mature, but he needs more facts. I'd be willing to bet that the unemployment rate for those without college degrees is much greater than those with college degrees. Not to mention the disparity in earnings over a lifetime. And most importantly you grow as a person and develop an outlook on life that is worth more than the money.

My wife's brother dropped out of high school at 16, got his GED at 19 and held a series of jobs making very little money. He eventually landed a job installing cable and lasted about a year and a half. At some point he started working alongside a guy in his 50s - doing the same job for the same money, tough physical work. He decided then and there he needed to go back to school. So now he is in school and working full time. It would have been much easier if he went right from high school to college, but he eventually got it right.

I say try to educate him over the next couple years and hope he decides to go directly to college; and if necessary find some way to force him to go.

 

[BauersMom]

I'm 29 and not using my degree it took me 5 years to get and thinking about going to grad school... but in this economy... my job is excellent benefits and secure and is "enough" to get by... and I got it before I went to school.

Going to college isn't the end all be all... but I think it's good to always keep that option open.

I agree, a degree does keep your options open. I don't necessarily use mine either, but I wouldn't have gotten my job without it. That is what I want him to realize, it will help keep his options open. He doesn't have to decide right now what he wants to do with the rest of his life. I just don't want him to skate through the next 2 years and limit his options.

 

[Maple1]

I agree, a degree does keep your options open. I don't necessarily use mine either, but I wouldn't have gotten my job without it. That is what I want him to realize, it will help keep his options open. He doesn't have to decide right now what he wants to do with the rest of his life. I just don't want him to skate through the next 2 years and limit his options.

You guys might not be "using your degree", but you are using your college education.

 

[jzgrlduff]

Most companies won't even look at you if you don't have a degree. It depends on what he wants to do with his life. He's got time, he's only in 10th grade. He'll probably change his mind by the end of next year. I know my boys did.

 

[BauersMom]

You guys might not be "using your degree", but you are using your college education.

Good point. I learned so many life lessons in school.

Most companies won't even look at you if you don't have a degree. It depends on what he wants to do with his life. He's got time, he's only in 10th grade. He'll probably change his mind by the end of next year. I know my boys did.

Thanks, I hope he changes his mind too.

 

[Golfgirlrobin]

It might be the right time to start encouraging him to think about going to school outside Michigan and planning a life somewhere else. Maybe it seems worthless to him because he isn't seeing anything past his own doorstep.

Maybe the thought of going somewhere else would get him excited about the prospect of college or tradeschool.

 

[kelli]

I agree, Robin.. tell him Unis in florida are on the beach and chicks are easy.

 

[Bob Pr.]

Dweck said

Let him skip.

If he's content filling positions that don't require a degree, great. Maybe it was his destiny to do these jobs. Hey, SOMEONE's got to do them.

If he's miserable with physical labor or work he otherwise finds menial, he'll have learned for himself what a college education can mean and, because HE'LL want it, pursue without haranguing.

Best of all: He may even get w/an employer who'll pay for it thru tuition reimbursement.

I agree 100%. He's not ready yet and if he went now, it wouldn't be because he wanted to, because it meant something, but just to appease you. That's not a recipe for success.

Let him do something he wants. I taught in Washburn University's evening college for many years and most of my students were in their 30s, 40s, 50s, picking up a few hours every semester and working toward a degree because it really meant something to them now. And most became excellent students.

 

[BauersMom]

I agree, Robin.. tell him Unis in florida are on the beach and chicks are easy.

LOL, he would probably start walking now.

 

[Mama3tikes]

I have a son who is a Jr and will be 17 on friday, he feels that because he has "Connections" he won't need to do more than "get out of high school". I am scared for him but I have learned that the only pressure he needs right now is from his classmates and teachers. I have stopped fighting with him and pray often that he changes his mindset and finds a place in this world where he is happy.

I feel your pain but have no advice!