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Discussion Starter #1
I am the Matron of Honor in my sisters wedding and we are beginning to plan her shower.
There are a group of out of town people that will be invited to the wedding but wouldn't come to the shower. Should they be sent shower invitations anyway?
I DO NOT want it to look like we are fishing for gifts by sending them an invite when we know they wouldn't come, yet don't want them to feel like they aren't welcome.

THanks!
 

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hmmm...don't know. I think an invite would be polite but I don't know. good luck on the party and up coming wedding of your sis.
 

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Are they family? Quite honestly if I wasn't invited to the shower and was invited to wedding I wouldn't care. Some people are thinking you are fishing for a gift when they are out of town. If it's family I would send one. A lot of people hate showers anyway. Iam happy to bring a gift and celebrate with you, just don't make me play the dumb games.
 

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Here's my take, inviting out-of-towners to a shower makes it look like gift-fishing. If the out-of-towners are grandparents, it would be acceptable. Showers are meant to be an intimate group of friends & relatives, not everyone you know.

An invitation makes a person feel obliged to send a gift. So unless you want them to feel like that, (which I am sure you don't as you've already said you don't) I would not send an invitation to people who you know cannot or would not make the trip.
 

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Everyone who is invited to the wedding does not have to be invited to the shower. Showers are usually just for close family and friends in my experience.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Here's my take, inviting out-of-towners to a shower makes it look like gift-fishing. If the out-of-towners are grandparents, it would be acceptable. Showers are meant to be an intimate group of friends & relatives, not everyone you know.

An invitation makes a person feel obliged to send a gift. So unless you want them to feel like that, (which I am sure you don't as you've already said you don't) I would not send an invitation to people who you know cannot or would not make the trip.
I agree with you 100%. These out of towners are only family, aunts, cousins and step-sisters.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I think planning this shower might put me over the edge.
The grooms mother is just about the most annoying person I have ever met in my whole life. I really am not exaggerting.
I have not received the shower invite list from her yet but I am preparing for her to be inviting everyone she knows that has never even met the bride nor the groom.
I WILL NOT be paying for strangers to attend this shower.
Should be interesting.
 

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Found this on every site I pulled up :

Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride's closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn't include every woman invited to the wedding.
Shove that in the MIL beeotch's face.
 

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Since they wouldn't attend anyway, I wouldn't send them an invite. If some in-town relatives think the out of towners might get offended, have them call and explain.
 

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I wouldn't worry about the aunts and cousins, but I might treat step-sisters differently and go ahead and invite them.

Obviously it depends on their relationship but not inviting somebody who could conceivably be considered a sister sounds like begging for trouble and hard feelings. You might include a note saying you understand they won't be in town but wanted to let them know you were thinking of them. (Or some b.s. like that.)

Step-anything can be weird and touchy.
 

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Good luck dealing with the monster-in-law!
How does your sister get along with her?
 

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When my daughter had her shower the invites were for close friends and in town relatives.

FYI, I googled Bridegroom etiquette 430,000 pages
Bridesmaid etiquette 3.2 million pages

You guy's have a lot more rules.
 

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For the record, if I get invited to a shower that I don't attend I rarely send a gift unless it's someone I am close with with. I was invited to the showers for my cousin's soon to be daughter in laws. I have never met them. I didn't go and I didn't send a gift. I did go to one of the weddings though. We couldn't go to the other because of not having a sitter. I don't think little kids belong at a wedding unless they are in it or are close family.
 

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I would send invites to the out-of-towners, only if they are family members. Family would expect to be invited to shower, even if they don't attend. My mother, sisters & I have been invited to my cousin's shower (she lives in Ohio), even though it was not likely we would go out for it. We will be spending 7 days out there for the wedding.

As others have said, non-family might take an invite to be fishing for more gifts.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Good luck dealing with the monster-in-law!
How does your sister get along with her?
My sister doesn't get bothered by her much, for 2 reasons, 1 is that she doesn't put forth much effort to be close to her (I always thought that was strange, then understood about 5 minutes after meeting her) and 2 my sister doesn't get bothered by much in general.
Me, on the other hand, might strangle this woman. She'll be lucky if she makes it to the wedding ;-) I just can't tolerate the rediculousness!
 

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30 people? Does it include any out of towners?

(I want to see a pic of you and your sister!) :)
 

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Discussion Starter #19
30 people? Does it include any out of towners?

(I want to see a pic of you and your sister!) :)
30 is how many people she thinks will attend, my side is about the same, so we are expecting 55-60 total

Here is a pic that's like 2 years old.

Me on left, Melissa on the right
 

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Awww, thanks! :) I don't see much of a resemblance though.

I love seeing sibling pics. I know....I'm weird.
 
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