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My son turns 22 tomorrow and its so hard he is so down today and I just cant seem to find any words to help him.I just hate this I really do,its like nothing will ever be better,the pain in his eyes is killing me,can hardly see to type becuae of my own tears,how do I help him,I am no good it seems to either one my boys all I do is cry or crawl in bed and want to stay there.I force myself to tame Napoleon out for his walk and playtime.I have to somehow get a grip on myself/but how???? when I cant even seem to think straight 1/2 the time.You wouldnt believe how many times a day I say oh I must tell Harry this and actually say his name and then oh god he isnt here and sit and cry.I must sound like a broken record here sorry if I do.I try and think all the good times we had but still keep thinking 50 was so young and we had so much more to do and so many more memories to make together its just so heartbreaking.My heart aches for both my sons and this first birthday without his dad is so **** hard on him.Just needed to vent sorry.
 

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Linda, don't ever feel like you have to apologize for venting your feelings on here. I can't imagine going through what you are, and my heart hurts for yours to think of you like this. Hang in there. I think just give your boy a hug and tell them how much you love him, and how much his dad loved him, and try to have a good day of things. It will be harder then hard, but as they say, you gotta keep moving one foot in front of the other, just to get through each day.

Big, big hugs for yu.
 

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Don't ever apologize for venting here, Linda. This is an unbearably tough time for you and your boys, and everyone understands that- especially your boys. I'm so sorry that this happened to you and your family. Take one day at a time. Each day think of a wonderful memory that the two of you made together.

Big hugs to you.
 

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Hugs to you all. Celebrate his memory along WITH your sons birthday. I'm sure a few tears and giggles would be a helpful way to share the day together.

Vent away; we're all here, if you need it.
 

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I'm so sorry that you're going through all this. I can't imagine what that's like, but know that you can always feel free pm me and vent as much as you like. Perhaps a grief support group would be a help too, so that you can talk to others who are further into this journey and might have some wisdom to share.
 

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We're here to listen. No need to apologize. What you're going through is very normal. Please take care of your health.

One day at a time...
 

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Your pain and anguish must be insufferable at times. Keep doing what you're doing... don't mask it, don't hide it, don't "be strong" if you don't feel strong. You are very loved and a terrible thing has happened to you and your boys.

I hope you can find one little episode of joy in the spring, knowing your beloved husband enjoyed it so.
 
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We all just wish we could come up with the magic words to make you all feel better. You are all in our thoughts and prayers.
 

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Oh never apologize for venting....it is better to put it into words then hold it inside or you will burst. You cannot make it better for your son all you can do is be there for him and understand his feelings. Life will get better it just takes small steps to get there.

We have found when grieving on a holiday or birthday it is better to do something totally different. We have gone to San Diego for Christmas (no gift shopping) or fishing on birthdays. It made them easier to bare then sitting at home or doing our normal traditions.

{{{Hugs}}} to both of you.
 

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Oh Linda, I cried just reading your post. Please consider joining a support group, people who have been down this road can share their own experiences and emotions, it'll make you understand that this is all part of the process. I wish there was something or some way I could help you through this. You're in my thoughts honey.
 

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Oh Linda. :'( It's times like these I wish we all lived in the same real life community. You'd have a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen and arms surrounding you in hugs all the time.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}
 

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I know how tough it can be....I lost my Dad in Aug. He was only 63, and I was 25.

My mom of course is taking it the hardest.....everyone told me the first year is the hardest because well its true. It gets easier as time goes. We learn to remember the good things about our loves ones, and smile :angel: upon those thoughts.

I only wish me, and my Dad were close, and as in closer I mean saying I love you, and huges other then just when I would go away on trips.

I know this is your thread, but I just wanted to share that I feel your sons and your pain.


Linda I wish you, and your family the best...you'll be in my thoughts :'(
 

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Linda, I lost my best friend and sister 9/11. This first year will be he!! The only real advise I can give is keep venting here or elsewhere. Your son knows how hard this is and his birthday will be hard to face this year but by putting one foot in front of the other you will get through this and all the other firsts. Please feel free to PM me and keep venting! It will get easier to deal with, the pain will still be there but...
 

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Every time I read your posts I start crying......I really can't understand what you are going through but please don't apologize for venting....that's what we are here for.......My heart breaks for you.....I wish there was something we could do....I sincerely hope venting helps....it's good to talk to someone......have you thought of a counselor? Maybe a family thing? I know from personal experience that it helps to get it into the open.....or a support group... I know it might be too early for all of this.....but just trying in any way to help....
 

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Grief is such a *****. You think you're making progress and you start to feel good about yourself, and WHAM! Something comes out of the blue and you realize you've still got your feet in the starting blocks.

There's good advice upthread, though. Vent. Cry. Share. Remember. They're all building blocks in getting you back on your feet.

As for your son's birthday, how about trying something different? The 1st Father's Day w/out my Dad, the dweckettes were sad and I was sad and the house was just engulfed in sadness. And so we shook it off to the best of our ability and planted a Dad-tree in our front yard. A) it got us moving off of the island of immobility we had found ourselves on and B) it became a lasting memorial to the person we'd lost. Even now, as that tree starts to bloom for the first time after its first winter, it's a good reminder that life moves on.....
 
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Hi Linda

I hope you and your sons are doing OK today and finding a way to celebrate your youngest son's 22 birthday. I know your thoughts are with your husband - these are very difficult days. Just wanted to send you my best, hope today is not as difficult as you feared.

Hugs
Judith
 

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everyone deals with grief in different ways and there is no wrong way.
The first year is HELL. All the "first" Holidays cut like a knife and you feel the loss all over again.
I agree with the post that said do something so totally different on those holidays.
 
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