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Its just beautiful out today and here I sit feeling depressed and crying,as you all know my husband of 30 yearsd passed away Jan the 9th.This was his fav time the year when spring was arriving he just loved it.I wish it was over and winter again ,I know sounds silly but seems everything is soooo hard to deal with now ,everything reminds me of him.I just cant do this without him I am sooo lost,I have to pull myself together and I just cant seem to do that.I have my 2 sons and they are fantastic one is 27 the other turns 22 on monday and I been vrying over that his turning 22 and no dad here for that.To be honest I feel like I am losing it I dont know where to turn what to do.I have many friens but all married and I will be honest it hurts to see them with their husbands I actually get mad sometimes inside about it,I know thats wrong to feel that way but I cant help it at times.There are days when I want to die too go with Harry ,is this all normal???I am sorry ramblimg on here I just had to get things out and dont tell my frineds all my feeling try and be so strong in front of them.Thamks for listening .Linda
 

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Linda,

You had a major loss in your life and it's only been about 3 months, it will take time to heal. I know it sounds trite but it's true. It's normal to have things and events and people remind you of your husband, and think about how he isn't there. And I also think it's normal to get mad when you see friends with their husbands. However, you don't want all of these feelings taking over your life. I suggest that you look for a bereavement support group where you can talk with people going through the same experiences. They may help you grieve and also to be strong again. My thoughts are with you. Post here anytime.

Jeanne
 

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Linda,
I can feel the intense pain you are feeling in the words you write and I am sorry you are feeling so alone.
I think what you are feeling is very normal and you need to vent the feelings you are having.
Perhaps talking to someone outside your friends and family could help you feel like you had a place to share your feelings?
Of course coming here and venting is very cathartic too..we are all here for you.
(((HUGS)))
 
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Linda

You sound like my mum, when my dad died. He died suddenly too, like your husband.

I know some days she just hung on for dear life emotionally. The grief was so intense. Those were the early days after dad died. Recently, I heard that she told someone, "oh I've had a very good life". I thought of those early days and how far she has come. What I mean is, she has found happiness again. She never remarried, or even dated, she has just found ways to be happy.

My mum got some grief support. I don't know if that's something you'd want to do yourself, but maybe something to consider. My mum also had a very good family doctor who kept her on track with sleeping and nutrition - she didn't sleep well right after dad died, sometimes she slept too much, and she lost weight in those early months. He helped her keep those things healthy so she could find her strength emotionally.

I thought of you after you posted about your husband's death. As others here have. I hope that helps in some small way. Hang on during the really tough moments. It's just going to take some time. The grief is very intense right now, but it will subside.

Hugs to you today
Judith
 

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What you are feeling is absolutely normal. It just hasn't been that long so you lost the person you love most in the world. Just try to get by day to day, and do something - anything - each day , just so you have done something. Try to think one good memory and promise him you'll go on because you know he would want you to. I would urge you to go to some kind of grief counseling, whether private or group. Most hospitals offer some type of group. Call your local Hospice - they'll know groups in the area. Know that we are here whenever you need to talk to someone. I can't say that I know how you are feeling, but whenever I think of SU dying - I'm not sure how I'd go on either - but I know that I will somehow. (((((HUGS))))))))
 

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Hugs, sweetie!! I'm so sorry for the pain you are feeling, which is so very normal right now. I wish I had words for you, but just know that you are in God's hands. We don't understand why things happen, especially when it hurts so deep. Try and take care of yourself and do things in rememberance of your husband...celebrate his life and the things that made him happy the best you can.
 

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I'm glad you can come on here and "talk" to us. A bereavement support group would probably help you understand that all of your feelings and grief are completely normal, and nothing that you are feeling is wrong. You could benefit others by sharing your feelings, because they are in the same spot you are. It is a terrible, tragic loss that you have gone through, and I'm so sorry for your pain. (((hugs)))
 

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Linda, I am so sorry for your pain. Please know that ALL your emotions are normal. My mom went through all of what you describe. Please come here anytime you need to talk, vent, rage, remember, reminisce, work through feelings, etc. We are all here for you. I agree with everyone else that a support group or grief counseling might be helpful too.

All the "firsts" will be hard. The first spring, first holiday, first birthday, etc. Somehow you get through. It sounds like you can draw comfort and strength from your boys, and I'm sure you are thankful for that. I wish you peace.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} for you.
 
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I am so sorry for your pain. WHat you are feeling is absolutely normal. It may help to find a bereavement group to share your feelings. It will help to get them out and to help you through the grieving process.

I have a very good friend who last his wife a few years ago - they had been married for 32 years. It is never easy to lose someone who has been your soulmate for so many years. He was recently married - it took time for him to be ready to enter into a relationship again but he found a wonderful person to share his life with. You need time to adjust to the change in your life - but time will help you to do that.

We are always here if you need us!
 

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First of all, hugs to you Linda. You need to know that there are steps in the grief process and you are going to move along those steps, different people move through the continuum at different speeds and often move two steps forward and then 3 steps back, it happens, and that's okay. Anger that you feel towards other couples is one of those steps. I hope you have a better day tomorrow and remember, you can always come here to talk.
 

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I wish I had some magic words to make you feel better but I don't. You have suffered a tremendous loss and the emotions you are feeling are totally normal. Please look into a grief support group. If you don't have a hospice in your area call your local hospital and talk to the social workers they will also have info on them. I think it will do you a world of good to share this with others who are going through this or have been through it.

Do something today to make yourself feel good even if it is just making yourself take a shower and get dressed. One step at a time is all you can ask.

Come here any time you need to we will always be here to prop you up.
 

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Linda, I am so sorry. I can't imagine what you are going through. I hope your heart starts to heal quickly. Please stay in touch here...sometimes writing it out makes a world of difference, even if we are people you have never met.....we are here to listen.
 

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I hope this comes out the way I mean it: I know that sometimes hearing that what you are feeling is "normal" doesn't help... even if it is. That doesn't mean it isn't unique, and tremendously painful, and it definitely doesn't mean you shoud just suffer through it because it is "normal". You are in a tremendously challenging emotional time, and much of what you feel is absolutely individual, but there are a lot of people who have gone though similar things and who might be there to help. Whatever you do, don't feel alone and isolated.

My parents were married for 38 years when my mother died at 58. I worry about my father still, and I think he's doing well, but I know I can never completely understand what he went through... I just got engaged, and although I am incredibly happy, I know that this means I am also putting myself in the position of possibly eventually being utterly devastated by loss... and I wouldn't trade that for the world right now.

As great as your pain is - and it is legitimately a lot of pain - you would not have traded the time you had in order to avoid the pain now, would you? All the years of joy, of sharing, of accomplishments? Your sons? Of course not. You are in a difficult spot as the survivor, but do whatever you can to celebrate the joys you had before, and you will find soon that there are many more to be had. Not the same, but joys none the less.

Meantime, find others to talk to - including those here. Good luck. It's OK to cry and vent.
 
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