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Discussion Starter #1
Okay... so I really really really did it last night. I couldn't take it anymore. I let my husband have it. OHHH... MAJOR MAJOR HAVE IT. I think I did some serious verbal damage here. I mean, it was all true, but I didn't have to say it the way I did. I left him speechless, which tells me.... BAD BAD BAD.

He hasn't woke this morning. I feel kind of sick to my stomach.... I don't know what to say to him this morning.

Any advice?
 

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I'm not a good one to ask, Shann. When I give an ass beating, it's usually because I'm REALLY fed up. Apologizing and forgiving are usually out of the question until I truly am over it - no matter how bad I gave it to him. I need a few days to get crap like that out of my system. In other words, I don't forgive easily. I rip a new ******* because he deserved it, and I don't feel bad about it. However, you're much different than I. You'll probably be having wild sex in the next hour or so! :D

Good luck - your heart will guide you.
 

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Well...I don't know your husband's personality, and maybe you are just asking this question to people who know you. But. If it were my husband, I would wake him up with some fresh coffee and ask him if he want to talk about what went down. I'm certain he would say yes.
 
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Stick to your guns, you gave him an arse chewing for a reason right. Let him come to you first and see what he says.
:)
 

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Discussion Starter #6
He is bad about letting his ass overload his mouth. Whenever I try to comment about him shooting off at the mouth, he always says... FINE.. I should just keep my mouth shut for now on.

Well, last night, I told him that he keeps saying he's going to keep his mouth shut... and I am STILL WAITING ON IT. I told him that he JUST LIKES TO HEAR HIMSELF TALK, WHETHER HE IS MAKING A LICK OF SENSE OR NOT.

I told him that all that **** he dishes out to me and the kids, I am NOW GETTING A SHOVEL AND SHOVING IT BACK UP HIS ASS..... I AM FED UP.

I told him that I am acting just like him... to humiliate and degrade him just like he does me and the kids... AND THIS **** DOESN'T FEEL VERY GOOD.... DOES IT?

That was some of what I said. :-\
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Oh, and what started it all was .. Savannah and Maddy were cleaning out the van. They made sure everything was out from under the seats... One of Savannah's books was in the back (hatch part) of the van. She was very proud and told him they DID IT... CLEANED THE VAN OUT :laugh: . Instead of praise, he walked around, saw the book in the back and lit into her. He said something to the effect that she was a Poo Poo Pants... yeh, sounds kind of funny, but he was being very ugly.... and kept sounding off on her until she was just a hysterical mess. Never did he say THANK YOU to the kids. Well... that was it. I WANTED TO HIT HIM WITH A 2X4.
 
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Don't back down. It will all just build up again and you'll do this all over again, if you want him to change you need to leave him come to you after he has thought about what you've said, the only way he'll think about it is if he thinks your still upset over it, and will try to think of ways to fix things with you, men are fixers afterall. Don't pitty him.
 

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Okay, knowing a bit about what the arse chewing was about, I'd let him stew on it some more, force him to make the next move. Sounds like you gave him a lot to think about.
 

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I like the coffee idea and the opener: "Well now that a lot of cards were laid on the table last night, can we talk through them?"

If he's not ready, back off and give him time, but make the offer again, at a time when the kids are busy with something else and you two can communicate.

Speaking from experience as a hub who has popped off to the kids more than once over 13 years, I can say that the book in the back of the van was probably NOT the issue that was grinding his gears. In fact, it may well have been the LAST thing on his mind at that moment. But it was a trigger, and it opened a whole floodgate of goo that should probably have come out anyway but not directed at your daughter.

Once things have calmed down and everyone is okay again, he owes her an apology, btw.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
I also told him he was an embarassment to me. :-X
 

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Discussion Starter #13
dweck said:
Shanna said:
I also told him he was an embarassment to me. :-X
Ooh. Bad.

What happened to your Dr. Phil argument training to stick to "I" words?? I thought all women had these fighting rules tattooed to the palm of their hands?
I KNOWWWWWWWWWWWWW... :'(

It was true.... but I never should have said it.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
dweck said:
When things calm down, you owe him an apology, btw.
For the embarassment part or for all of it?
 

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He was laying into your daughter about a book in the back seat? I would have laid into him too. Just give him some time. Let it sink in. You need to make a point with him. I would just let things calm down for the next day or so.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I also told him.... OHHHHH YOU ARE SUCH A BIG MAN, PICKING ON LITTLE GIRLS LIKE THAT. DOES IT FEEL GOOD, HUH? ARE YOU FEELING ALL POWERFUL SINCE YOU CAN BRING LITTLE GIRLS TO TEARS. IS THAT WHAT YOU NEED TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF. YOU HAVE SOME SERIOUS SELF ESTEEM ISSUES AND YOU BUILD YOURSELF UP BY BELITTLING US.

Well ****... when I say stuff like this... anyone would have self esteem issues. But really, usually I am calm and loving. I put up with a lot. It seems like the more rope I give him, the more he uses to hang himself. The more I give in, he takes it another step.
 

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That's quite a fight but the way I see it if you back down about this one he will think you will everytime. Maybe you telling him he is an embarrassment will make him think about what he has done to you and the kids. It wasn't the nicest thing to say but sometimes you have to hear the not so nice stuff to understand what is going on. I understand how you are feeling.
 

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Shanna said:
I also told him.... OHHHHH YOU ARE SUCH A BIG MAN, PICKING ON LITTLE GIRLS LIKE THAT. DOES IT FEEL GOOD, HUH? ARE YOU FEELING ALL POWERFUL SINCE YOU CAN BRING LITTLE GIRLS TO TEARS. IS THAT WHAT YOU NEED TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF. YOU HAVE SOME SERIOUS SELF ESTEEM ISSUES AND YOU BUILD YOURSELF UP BY BELITTLING US.

Well ****... when I say stuff like this... anyone would have self esteem issues. But really, usually I am calm and loving. I put up with a lot. It seems like the more rope I give him, the more he uses to hang himself. The more I give in, he takes it another step.
But Shanna.....you're feeling badly for things he has done to you all along. Let him get a taste of his own medicine for a change. Now, I know 2 wrongs don't make a right and you can apologize (when the time comes) for stooping to his level....but let him stew over some of those words, just like you have had to in the past. Apologies and explanations can come with time.
 

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chance72399 said:
He was laying into your daughter about a book in the back seat? I would have laid into him too. Just give him some time. Let it sink in. You need to make a point with him. I would just let things calm down for the next day or so.
Again - I'll bet a mortgage payment that the book had NOTHING to do with his rampage.

OHHHHH YOU ARE SUCH A BIG MAN, PICKING ON LITTLE GIRLS LIKE THAT. DOES IT FEEL GOOD, HUH? ARE YOU FEELING ALL POWERFUL SINCE YOU CAN BRING LITTLE GIRLS TO TEARS. IS THAT WHAT YOU NEED TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF. YOU HAVE SOME SERIOUS SELF ESTEEM ISSUES AND YOU BUILD YOURSELF UP BY BELITTLING US.
EEk - Not many "I" statements in there, either. Dr. Phil would be ashamed at you.

AFTER he's made amends with the family, it's time for you to make amends w/him.

Good luck.
 
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