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Discussion Starter #1
Kaitlin's 1st birthday is coming up, but her in-town Grandparents (my parents) won't be here the day of her birthday.

Why?

They volunteered to babysit my brother's kids-a six hour drive away while they go to Hawaii to celebrate their anniversary. It's their 10 year anniversary and they eloped in Kauaii in February. I don't remember the exact date, but it's in February and her birthday's in early March.

This is the brother who lived with his girlfriend, then fiancee for quite a long time and all my sister and I heard about it from my mother was "I wish they'd get married". When they finally did my brother chose the only time of year that my parents could not attend. It was the year my dad retired and they had booked a villa in France (a year in advance).

I guess I'm pissed about their general lack of consideration for anyone else in the family.Sure it's her 1st birthday and she's not going to remember, but I'm pissed that someone else might rearrange our plans to suit their own,

My mom will never say anything to them, just as she didn't say anything about how disappointed she was when they got married. We got to hear all about it, but she's kind of old school British-never say anything to the actual person who has pissed you off-tell everyone around them. She's also very slow to criticize anything my brother does, but isn't as reserved about telling my sister and I what were doing wrong. If my DH and I pulled something like this we'd be strong armed into changing our plans.Or rather she'd attempt it. DH is pretty good at saying no.
 

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Family is always tough. The only suggestion I have is, Look around, remember some story you may have read, and be thankful you don't have someone else's issues.

PS: I tell my DW this all the time.
 

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I think the relationship between mothers and daughters is just different than with mothers and sons when they are adults- for whatever reason.

It isn't fair and it sucks. So I'm sorry.
 

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Is there any way you could suggest to bring your brother's kids to your parents house (I assume is near yours) to babysit? Then they could all come to your daughter's party.
 

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I think the relationship between mothers and daughters is just different than with mothers and sons when they are adults- for whatever reason.
I agree.

My sister has always complained that I am the favorite no matter what I do. When I left for America my sister and mom had a huge row which was largely to do with this. What was meant to be a leaving party turned into a real nightmare. I think they have a better relationship now and sometimes I wonder if it is easier with me living in another country. I don't think my mom favors me, we just understand each other better. I think that is often the case with moms and sons.

My Grandmother seemed to favor my Uncle. He could do no wrong in her eyes, yet he never so much as sent her a birthday card. I wonder now if her trying to get his attention was mistaken by us as being favoritism.
 

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Did they have the trip planned before you planned your party? Maybe it was the best time for them to go? I would be more mad that my parents wouldn't be there. SU's parents never come to anything. They live 4 hours away but they never even come visit us and they are retired.
 

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Discussion Starter #8 (Edited)
Is there any way you could suggest to bring your brother's kids to your parents house (I assume is near yours) to babysit? Then they could all come to your daughter's party.

That's a good idea, but no, they are babysitting for 2 weeks straight. The boys are in school (4 and 6).

Well Dexter Dog, I'm not convinced. You mum is British after all. ;) :shocked: :)

For example: My mother has said to me "Well, I don't think that's right, but he is an adult now.". I think she was talking about his anti-social behaviour-he was reading a magazine while we (my ex and I) had company (my ex's parents,my parents and my brother's family) over. (He was 32 and I was 30)

But, at my baby shower last year she wanted my sister to tell me that I should change the colour of my lipstick because she didn't like it. Thankfully my sister told her where to go and I didn't find out about it until well after. (I was 36 at my baby shower)

Really I just don't think they (my brother and SIL) take anybody else into consideration when they make their plans or they assume people will work around them.

My sister is definitely not the favourite because she will tell my mother to back off. My brother doesn't have to because you know he's an adult now, so she never nags him and I can't be bothered most of the time.
 

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Well Dexter Dog, I'm not convinced. You mum is British after all. :shocked:
:biggrin1:

So you think British mothers are biased towards their sons? I think it is just a mom/son thing in general. :noidea:

On another note, I have always felt that my dad had a close bond with my sister, well at least until he married someone half his age.


she's kind of old school British-never say anything to the actual person who has pissed you off-tell everyone around them.
LOL! Well the Brits don't mind a bit of gossip - just ask Colin!! Having said that, most of the women in my office do that and they are all Americans. Dare I say it...maybe its a female thing? :bolt:

I agree with you that it is really inconsiderate of your brother.
 

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Discussion Starter #10 (Edited)
:biggrin1:

So you think British mothers are biased towards their sons? I think it is just a mom/son thing in general. :noidea:
You may be right. :biggrin1: I've just noticed in in families of British ancestry.

On another note, I have always felt that my dad had a close bond with my sister, well at least until he married someone half his age.




LOL! Well the Brits don't mind a bit of gossip - just ask Colin!! Having said that, most of the women in my office do that and they are all Americans. Dare I say it...maybe its a female thing? :bolt:
Everybody likes gossip but an American/Canadian woman is more likely to tell you she's pissed off and if you ask why she'll tell you. Not so much the British.

It was weird. When I went to the UK I expected to feel more of a connection to Scotland, my last name is very Scottish, but I found I had more of a connection to England. My thought was "My Gawd, there's a whole Island of crazy people just like my Mum.". <--- Mostly taking the piss.... My dad's dad was first generation Canadian, so he was more Scots than the Scots. My dad of course rebelled and didn't want anything to do with other Scots. My Mom emigrated when she was 10. She doesn't have an accent, but she was raised by very British parents.



I agree with you that it is really inconsiderate of your brother.
Thank you. I think I was just looking for some empathy and now I can hopefully let it go.......
 

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I guess I'm just not getting it. Your brother was supposed to check with you as to when you were going to have a birthday party so that they could plan their vacation around you? And then your parents shouldn't have agreed to babysit until they checked with you about when the party was going to be?

I understand you're upset, but if they got their dates confirmed before you let anybody know when you'd be holding the party, what were they supposed to do? Relatives aren't going to reserve your child's birthday every year and plan around it; they just aren't.
 

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Why don't you just schedule her party when your parents are back in town, either before or after her actual birthday? No big deal. I'm sure when they booked their dates they didn't do it to make you upset. They might not have even thought about it being your daughter's bday. Denny's sister has a little girl and while we go to her birthday party, it isn't a big event for us like it is her parents. So maybe your brother and SIL just don't get that.

I have a little brother (7 yrs younger) who gets away with murder, while all I get is criticism for the most part, and we are definitely an American family. My DH is a younger brother and he had to work hard all his life and got very little thanks for it while his mother was alive. Every family is different.
 

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Firstly, I'm sorry. I know that was disappointing. Second, in order to keep peace, would you consider having a little celebration with just your immediate (in-house) family on the actual day, but the larger, extended family party on a day when everyone can come?

I am learning, slowly, that I need to be more flexible in my expectations of others.
 

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It is hard and that is nothing compared to the nightmare of Addison's first Birthday but that is for another time. i agree plan the celebration for before or after they go - the party is not for her at this age it is for you and dad and all the grown ups - she will not have a clue!
 

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Discussion Starter #15
I guess I'm just not getting it. Your brother was supposed to check with you as to when you were going to have a birthday party so that they could plan their vacation around you? And then your parents shouldn't have agreed to babysit until they checked with you about when the party was going to be?

I understand you're upset, but if they got their dates confirmed before you let anybody know when you'd be holding the party, what were they supposed to do? Relatives aren't going to reserve your child's birthday every year and plan around it; they just aren't.
Um. Not quite. My brother asked my parents to babysit and they agreed to it along time ago. The problem comes in when everybody assumed that they'd go to Hawaii in February. You know for their actual anniversary. Nope I don't expect them to double check with me about the party, but I am quite sure they'd have a fit if I did the same to them. It's her actual birth date that pisses me off. Sure it's easy enough to work around and have another party after her birthday-they did it for their own son, but the choice was theirs and not mine. It's inconsiderate and quite in character for them.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
Firstly, I'm sorry. I know that was disappointing. Second, in order to keep peace, would you consider having a little celebration with just your immediate (in-house) family on the actual day, but the larger, extended family party on a day when everyone can come?

I am learning, slowly, that I need to be more flexible in my expectations of others.
That is what we will do, but I doubt they'd come after as they will have just arrived back from Hawaii. We'll have a small party with my parents and possibly my sister as she will have a 3 week old on her hands and I'm not sure how she'll feel about travelling.
 

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Everybody likes gossip but an American/Canadian woman is more likely to tell you she's pissed off and if you ask why she'll tell you. Not so much the British.
I have noticed that Americans definitely speak their mind more than the Brits. For example, Americans will complain about poor service much quicker that most Brits who would put up with something for longer.

Have you spoken to your Brother about how you feel? Maybe he does not think he has done anything wrong since he "pre-booked" your parents services...

As we all know, men don't think like women. I have got into hot water with my sister several times and usually I dont realize what I am supposed to have done. :rant: (Of course, my wife usually points out things to me).
 
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