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Discussion Starter #1
Told Bill I was going to do laundry.

"Where are you going to put it?"

"What do you mean, where am I going to put it?" :confused:

"The laundry basket is full of clean towels, table cloths, and napkins, getting all wrinkled. I can't even get to the stuff under them!"

Gee, if I was home all day sitting on my ass, I'd have them folded and put away. But since I am working and YOU are the one home all day, I guess I'm going to have to do it anyway! :eek:

No, I didn't say it, because it would start a war and I just don't want to go there. But I am **** sick and tired of still doing at least half the housework when he's sitting at home all day! :mad:

That's all, back to your day! :eek:
 

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Oh I'd be doing a slow burn. Jackie, you need to say the words. OFTEN. "Bill, while you aren't working here's your part of the deal." Then name the things you expect him to be in charge of. Be specific! Don't make the list too long but pick out the major things he needs to take care of.

And if he doesn't know where things go, when it's time to put them away, SHOW him. OFTEN.

Where did I learn this? From Tudor, of course. "I'll do anything you need me to do but you're going to have to tell me what you want done." Assuming they can read your mind, knowing this or that needs to be done, simply does NOT work. Don't assume he will fold and put away laundry just because he took it from the washer and into the dryer. Tud finally *dinged* into "Ohhhhh! She really wants it FOLDED! With like items together!" instead of huge heaps of laundry left on the kitchen island for me to take care of when I got home. I was so happy with his progress I never asked him to put things away, and I never minded doing that myself.

And that's just the laundry aspect of household responsibility "sharesies"!

*smooch* :)
 

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Oh I'd be doing a slow burn. Jackie, you need to say the words. OFTEN. "Bill, while you aren't working here's your part of the deal." Then name the things you expect him to be in charge of. Be specific! Don't make the list too long but pick out the major things he needs to take care of.

And if he doesn't know where things go, when it's time to put them away, SHOW him. OFTEN.

Where did I learn this? From Tudor, of course. "I'll do anything you need me to do but you're going to have to tell me what you want done." Assuming they can read your mind, knowing this or that needs to be done, simply does NOT work. Don't assume he will fold and put away laundry just because he took it from the washer and into the dryer. Tud finally *dinged* into "Ohhhhh! She really wants it FOLDED! With like items together!" instead of huge heaps of laundry left on the kitchen island for me to take care of when I got home. I was so happy with his progress I never asked him to put things away, and I never minded doing that myself.

And that's just the laundry aspect of household responsibility "sharesies"!

*smooch* :)
Nance, if he hadn't been such a freakazoid neatnik when he lived alone, and when he traveled for work and stayed in apartments, then I would excuse (some of) it. But he KNOWS how to do it all, he's lazy and just prefers to leave it for me. When he was traveling, it was 'my job' to make sure I vacuumed daily to keep the hair down in the house. How many times a week does he vacuum? Maybe once.

And I am doing a slow burn! ;)
 

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you know, jackie, if you don't stand up for yourself, nobody else will.. and if you let him know it's okay to treat you like that... he'll continue to do so.

You don't have to attack him, but you don't have to put up with that ****.
 

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What Kelli said. You teach people how to treat you. Trust me, I am learning this myself and trying to implement changes.
 

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Nance, if he hadn't been such a freakazoid neatnik when he lived alone, and when he traveled for work and stayed in apartments, then I would excuse (some of) it. But he KNOWS how to do it all, he's lazy and just prefers to leave it for me.
HAH! I love "freakazoid neatnik". Well, he may have been during his single stints. I think most "singles" are, to some degree or another. I know I am. Tudor was... I've seen pictures of his "single days" apartments. Neat as a pin and sparkling clean, to boot.

Fortunately for both of us, we were tidier-uppers. Not fanatic about it, but the house was always tidy and reasonably immaculate. But it's human nature to just wait for the other guy to take care of things! I really don't think it's a guy or girl thing... it's just human nature. "Hey! They live here, too! They can take take of it for a change!" And during all that waiting and expecting and assuming, the clean laundry gets wrinkledier, the dust grows thicker, the leaves amass in the corners of the house, the oil in the car gets shallower, the windows begin to look like Tupperware and all because it's the other person's job to take care of.

Sure Bill knows how to keep his own digs ship shape, but now you have to tell him how you expect your SHARED digs to be kept and what his part in that is.

If you try this method and he still won't carry his weight, you absolutely MUST begin slamming kitchen cabinets and room doors and be faithful about vacuuming during the football games. Never ever fail to let out a HUGE put-upon *huff* as you walk past him in his chair. Do NOT look at him. You must make this show completely obvious... transparent I think they say now. "Do you see me ignoring you? Do you?!? DO YOU?!? If you had just done what you should have done we'd be having a wonderful conversation about something we both enjoy right now but NOOOOO! Instead I must ignore you! See this? See how effective I am being?"

:)
 

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My DH is currently out of work and I am the bread winner, so each morning I say to him, can you get X,Y & Z done today whilst I'm out and generally he does, I go back to work on Monday so today we have been and picked out paint and paper for our bedroom and I have given him a project to keep him busy over the next couple of weeks.

I guess being out of work it can become easy to fall into a rut of laziness so the odd kick up the ass keeps them on track.

Hugs to you x
 

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Oh I'd be doing a slow burn. Jackie, you need to say the words. OFTEN. "Bill, while you aren't working here's your part of the deal." Then name the things you expect him to be in charge of. Be specific! Don't make the list too long but pick out the major things he needs to take care of.

And if he doesn't know where things go, when it's time to put them away, SHOW him. OFTEN.

Where did I learn this? From Tudor, of course. "I'll do anything you need me to do but you're going to have to tell me what you want done." Assuming they can read your mind, knowing this or that needs to be done, simply does NOT work. Don't assume he will fold and put away laundry just because he took it from the washer and into the dryer. Tud finally *dinged* into "Ohhhhh! She really wants it FOLDED! With like items together!" instead of huge heaps of laundry left on the kitchen island for me to take care of when I got home. I was so happy with his progress I never asked him to put things away, and I never minded doing that myself.

And that's just the laundry aspect of household responsibility "sharesies"!

*smooch* :)
YOU are my kind of woman. I don't mind doing anything she wants. I just have to be told she wants it. Now there are a few things I do not do. I do not put anything into the washer. I am not allowed to do that since 1968. Seems that I screwed up putting a bright red sweater and a white sweater in the laundry together. She stillhasn't forgotten that, and I am not trying to convince her that I can learn to do that right. I pretty much do everything else though, when asked. And yes, I do need to be asked. I never complain or react poorly, but the woman has no regiment for when which things need doing, so I need to be asked. I also do not put her clothes away. Been yelled at for doing that the wrong way too many times.
 

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My DH is currently out of work and I am the bread winner, so each morning I say to him, can you get X,Y & Z done today whilst I'm out and generally he does, I go back to work on Monday so today we have been and picked out paint and paper for our bedroom and I have given him a project to keep him busy over the next couple of weeks.

I guess being out of work it can become easy to fall into a rut of laziness so the odd kick up the ass keeps them on track.

Hugs to you x
I could do with this too Kate

I'm afraid that the pups are too lenient and allow me to be a couch potato !

My bathroom is only 50% finished and my next project now that Dylan is a good boy is the kitchen..........................when I get round to it !

I need motivation *sigh*
 

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I could do with this too Kate

I'm afraid that the pups are too lenient and allow me to be a couch potato !

My bathroom is only 50% finished and my next project now that Dylan is a good boy is the kitchen..........................when I get round to it !

I need motivation *sigh*
Pm me your iphone number and i'll send you a daily chores list, then you can send me video proof that you completed my list...sound ok?? LOL :p
 

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I could do with this too Kate


I need motivation *sigh*
Well if I was closer I could motivate you in the butt with my boot. But just because I like you and want to help.:D
 

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Oh I'd be doing a slow burn. Jackie, you need to say the words. OFTEN. "Bill, while you aren't working here's your part of the deal." Then name the things you expect him to be in charge of. Be specific! Don't make the list too long but pick out the major things he needs to take care of.

And if he doesn't know where things go, when it's time to put them away, SHOW him. OFTEN.

Where did I learn this? From Tudor, of course. "I'll do anything you need me to do but you're going to have to tell me what you want done." Assuming they can read your mind, knowing this or that needs to be done, simply does NOT work. Don't assume he will fold and put away laundry just because he took it from the washer and into the dryer. Tud finally *dinged* into "Ohhhhh! She really wants it FOLDED! With like items together!" instead of huge heaps of laundry left on the kitchen island for me to take care of when I got home. I was so happy with his progress I never asked him to put things away, and I never minded doing that myself.

And that's just the laundry aspect of household responsibility "sharesies"!

*smooch* :)
You are wise, Nancy. I'm the stay at home at the moment. Therefore, I'm supposed to do everything and keep up with a 9 almost 10 month old. God forbid I take a much needed break like I did yesterday and sleep half the day. (All the stores were closed and I've had a cold for the past 2 weeks. His favourite trick is to go out for at least 3 hours each day on the weekend. I get that he needs a break, but so do I).

I resent having to ask my husband to do things that seem so very obvious to me. Like oh I don't know helping to pack up the baby and her things when we're going places. In the future I'm just going to have to suck it up and ask, because getting angry doesn't really help.
 

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I'd be pretty ticked off, too. Mark does *most* of the housework because he works from a home office. I do feel very lucky.

Is there anyway you can have a talk with him about things? Maybe make a list of things he can do around the house that will make your time away from work more enjoyable for you?
 

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Make a list of 5 things you want done each morning. Tell him to pick 4 and you will do the one job he detest.

My SIL convinced my BR of this by stopping cooking anything for him or washing his clothes. She did hers and Michael's after about a week Scott got the idea. Now granted her and Michael lived on hamburgers, grilled cheese etc things they could make just enough for the 2 of them with no left overs for Scott to snack on.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
If you try this method and he still won't carry his weight, you absolutely MUST begin slamming kitchen cabinets and room doors and be faithful about vacuuming during the football games. Never ever fail to let out a HUGE put-upon *huff* as you walk past him in his chair. Do NOT look at him. You must make this show completely obvious... transparent I think they say now. "Do you see me ignoring you? Do you?!? DO YOU?!? If you had just done what you should have done we'd be having a wonderful conversation about something we both enjoy right now but NOOOOO! Instead I must ignore you! See this? See how effective I am being?"

:)
*giggles* This is what I have been doing. He got up and laminated his new Medicare card. :rolleyes:
 

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kelli is absolutely correct. as long as you allow him to think this is ok, he will continue.

im sorry, but unless that cabinet or door is slammed on his penis he wont care that you are doing it. you will have your hissy, he will turn up the TV and you will still do the work. win/win for him.
 

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When my husband and I both worked full time, somehow the cleaning, laundry and child rearing always fell to me. I don't think my husband ever attended a parent/teacher conference. Oddly though, since he's retired he's taken a very active role in the household duties. He mostly does all of the laundry and all of the dish/kitchen cleanup. He'll pretty much do whatever I ask him to do.

I think giving him a reasonable "to do" list is not out of bounds.
 

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I guess it's my fault for thinking that if it's there in front of him, he'll realize it needs to be done. :rolleyes: That if the linens are on top of his socks and underwear in the basket, he'd fold the linens and put them away so he can access his clothes.

There will be to-do lists made next week when I go back to work.

He does clean the kitchen after himself, I will give him that.
 

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I guess it's my fault for thinking that if it's there in front of him, he'll realize it needs to be done. :rolleyes: That if the linens are on top of his socks and underwear in the basket, he'd fold the linens and put them away so he can access his clothes.

There will be to-do lists made next week when I go back to work.

He does clean the kitchen after himself, I will give him that.
Does he spend a lot of time on the computer? I just found Google desktop gadgets and they have a desktop gadget that I've been using for about a week now. Really helps me stay organized for my little work from home job. It has check boxes next to each item so that you can check off as your completing. I can't ignore it because it's right there on my desktop every time I get on the computer.
 
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