What would YOU do??
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 26

Thread: What would YOU do??

  1. #1
    bebopalula is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    879

    DefaultWhat would YOU do??

    Aaaahhh!! Need help here. I apologize in advance if this is inappropriate for this forum, but I could use some feedback. A couple of weeks ago I wrote a post about a friend of my husband's (that is not really my favorite person, but I make nice to keep the peace,etc.) that comes over to our house, 99% of the time uninvited, on an average of about twice a week, every week. We have had our 4 month old lab for about 2 and a half months. This guy would just help himself to her biscuits, without asking if it was okay, and give them to her. I wasn't real happy about that. I don't just give her treats for the heck of it. I use them for training, and for special times. I like her to "earn" her treats. Well, after that happened a couple of times, (and I DID tell him, "No more biscuits!" but he ignored me), I hid the biscuits. The other night he was here AGAIN, and we were down in our family room with our puppy watching TV. It's around 10pm, and our puppy is all mellow, getting sleepy and ready for bed soon. Well this friend leaves the room and comes back with something in his hand, and proceeds to give it to my puppy, who is laying next to me on the couch. I ask him, "Yo, what's that?" He opens his fist and it's a big handful of her kibble. She gobbled it up before I could even do anything. He never asked if it was okay to do that. And don't you think he would get the hint once he saw that I had hid the biscuits? Guess not! I was pissed. I know a little extra food won't hurt her, but that isn't even the point. And, two nights before this happened, he was here---AGAIN---and she was in her crate sleeping while we were down in the family room watching a program. He leaves the room, and a few minutes later he is coming down the stairs with my puppy following him! I said, "Uh, what's going on?" And he said he went upstairs and she was sitting up in her crate so he let her out. Again, never asked. I have talked to my husband about this. When these things happen with this friend my husband doesn't say anything, so when I do I look like the bad guy. But now I don't even care if I do. I need to know if I am over-reacting about this, or if my anger is justified. I LOVE my puppy and take very good care of her, so I guess I feel like a protective mom, but in my heart I feel like I am not out of line by feeling the way I do about this. But I'd like to know how you guys would feel if it were you in this situation, and what you would do about it. I'm at my wit's end with this guy. Thanks in advance!! Sorry this is soooo long!!

  2. Remove Advertisements
    JustLabradors.com
    Advertisements
     

  3. #2
    regarese is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    578

    DefaultRe: What would YOU do??

    I wouldn't even care about looking like the bad guy.  I would warn my husband before hand that when his friend got there-if he gave anything to the dog or let the puppy out of her crate without permission-that I was going to go off on him.  If he didn't want to say anything that's fine, but I would tell him that he better have my back if his friend started talking sh** about me after I left the room.  I would be beyond furious for the same reasons you said-not so much the food but how DUH is this guy that he can't respect you and how you want your dog handled?  I'm pissed for you  >

    And if that still didn't work-I would take the dog to my room and watch tv with her there while the friend was over. When he asks "Why aren't ya sitting with us" I would say, "Because you're an A-hole."

  4. #3
    imported_gabbys mom is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    2,653

    DefaultRe: What would YOU do??

    I would let the feeding treats thing go. As a matter of fact, consider it part of training. You want her to consider other people as a good thing, a happy thing. When other people, such as this idiot come over, and she gets treats, she's going to equate other people coming over to the house with good and happy things.

    Handfuls of kibble...well...before he comes over- lock her kibble- and I do mean lock- some where- when big dogs eat too much too quickly they can bloat and die.

    If you and your husband and his friend are awake and are around, let her be out of the crate and with you. She has to learn how to behave when you have guests eventually anyway. Is it annoying he let her out of her crate without your permission? Sure. Is it the end of the world? Not at all.

    It seems like you have a problem with this guy in general and are protective of your puppy in general (who isn't?)- but relax and don't make the puppy into the battleground. If the guy is an asshole and you don't like him around your house and that's the real reason you're upset, tell your husband to go out with him instead.

    <br />U-CD Of Love and Other Demons, CD, RE, CGC (Gabby)<br />Maverick<br />Saint Louis

  5. Remove Advertisements
    JustLabradors.com
    Advertisements
     

  6. #4
    regarese is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    578

    DefaultRe: What would YOU do??

    Quote Originally Posted by gabbys mom
    I would let the feeding treats thing go. As a matter of fact, consider it part of training. You want her to consider other people as a good thing, a happy thing. When other people, such as this idiot come over, and she gets treats, she's going to equate other people coming over to the house with good and happy things.

    Handfuls of kibble...well...before he comes over- lock her kibble- and I do mean lock- some where- when big dogs eat too much too quickly they can bloat and die.

    If you and your husband and his friend are awake and are around, let her be out of the crate and with you. She has to learn how to behave when you have guests eventually anyway. Is it annoying he let her out of her crate without your permission? Sure. Is it the end of the world? Not at all.

    It seems like you have a problem with this guy in general and are protective of your puppy in general (who isn't?)- but relax and don't make the puppy into the battleground. If the guy is an asshole and you don't like him around your house and that's the real reason you're upset, tell your husband to go out with him instead.

    Well-if you want to be mature and all that I guess that's a good route to take I guess I'm just a hot-head. Your's is better advice

  7. #5
    bebopalula is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    879

    DefaultRe: What would YOU do??

    Thanks you guys. I appreciate your responses! Believe me, I would LOVE to tell this guy what I REALLY think. But out of respect for my husband, and the friendship they have, I won't. I still don't even know why my husband is friends with him; they are NOTHING alike. But that's another story. I am running out of cabinet space to lock all her treats, and now possibly her gigantic bag of Pro Plan. But I suppose I'll find a spot. We DO have her down in the family room with us when she is awake. Bottom line: IT'S NOT HIS DOG, and he is totally disrespecting me, and my property. I'm glad to hear your thoughts on it; I even had a chuckle at your comments! But it's good to know that I'm not completely out of line for feeling pissed off. Honestly, if this guy were to stop coming over altogether, I would throw a party for myself, and you all can come too.

  8. #6
    steveandginger's Avatar
    steveandginger is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Norman, Oklahoma
    Posts
    638

    DefaultRe: What would YOU do??

    bebopalula --

    Please forgive me for what is going to be a very, very personal response to your question. However, please know that this is totally with the hope that it might help you in the long run...

    I wonder if maybe the problem is not so much with your husband's friend. I wonder if perhaps this is a clue that you have more of a "marriage" type of issue to deal with. What I mean is this: I think, looking at the big picture, the way to handle this would be to tell your husband that this really bothers you -- that you are trying to train the puppy and you think your friend's actions might be sabotaging your efforts (whether they are really sabotaging your efforts is a different issue; but to me it's not what's most important). Now, if your husband respects you and values you, I would think he would be willing to stand up for you. He might want to initiate a discussion with you, to see if you could both come to an agreement about whether this was actually harming the puppy's training. But in any case, in the end, my opinion is that your husband should be willing to unite with you, as a teammate, and take a gentle stand with the friend. So my advice is, give your husband that chance (if you haven't already.) Tell him "Honey, I know how much you enjoy your friendship with "Mr. X," and I'm glad you have guy friends to hang out with. However, I'm not sure it's the best thing for our puppy for "Mr. X to be feeding the dog, or letting the dog out of its crate, when we are trying to establish rules and a routine with the puppy. This is important to me; would you mind explaining to Mr. X that we have a relatively structured routine we are trying to stick to? I am glad to have Mr. X want to socialize and be friends with our pup, but can you explain to him that there is a time and a place for giving treats, but at other times, we need the puppy to sleep (or to do without treats or whatever). Now, your husband might want to discuss this with you, and maybe reach some type of compromise. But, bottom line, he should value your wishes and be willing to gently take a stand with his friend -- thus placing himself "on your team," so to speak. If he refuses to take that stand, then I think this might be indicative of a bigger issue -- a marriage issue (lack of respect for your wife), as opposed to a puppy issue.

    Might I suggest, that perhaps one of the reasons you are SO upset by this, is a subconscious feeling of anger toward your husband BECAUSE you might feel that it appears that he is "siding" with his friend and not you on this issue?

    Again, please forgive my "getting personal" here, I'm just trying to help.

    Finally, more specifically on the puppy issue, would it be possible to, say, invite "Mr. X" over a bit early, and then encourage him to feed the puppy its dinner? Or, maybe, pick an appropriate time for him to have a "play session" with your pup -- thus allowing him to have his desire to befriend your dog fulfilled, while doing so within boundaries that you set up?

    Once more, I wish to ask that this response not be offensive to you, but instead be taken in the spirit that I am trying to help...

    Steve

  9. #7
    imported_gabbys mom is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    2,653

    DefaultRe: What would YOU do??

    Good response, Steve
    <br />U-CD Of Love and Other Demons, CD, RE, CGC (Gabby)<br />Maverick<br />Saint Louis

  10. #8
    steveandginger's Avatar
    steveandginger is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Norman, Oklahoma
    Posts
    638

    DefaultRe: What would YOU do??

    Thanks, Gabbys mom.

    My initial, gut reaction would be pretty much a parroting of regarese's suggestion above!

    But, given that I am removed from the situation, and thus can THINK about proper action BEFORE acting (gee, what a novel concept! ), then that's what I came up with!

    Steve

  11. #9
    imported_111@@@ is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    292

    DefaultRe: What would YOU do??

    i think i would just take off when he comes. go take your pup for a walk. but yea lock your treats.

  12. #10
    imported_gabbys mom is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    2,653

    DefaultRe: What would YOU do??

    Quote Originally Posted by [email protected]@@
    i think i would just take off when he comes. go take your pup for a walk. but yea lock your treats.
    That's another good idea- unless he's one of those another one of those annoying guy friends that will never ever leave.
    <br />U-CD Of Love and Other Demons, CD, RE, CGC (Gabby)<br />Maverick<br />Saint Louis

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25