I can't seem to go on
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Thread: I can't seem to go on

  1. #1
    my2labs's Avatar
    my2labs is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultI can't seem to go on

    We brought Cinder home at 8 weeks old in the middle of a blizzard in 2002. She was such a little furball and we were so excited to be adding this second lab to our household. From the beginning, she tortured her older sister, chewing on her cheeks and chasing her around. In November of 2011, we noticed that she wasn't able to track her tennis balls as well. She loved playing and could catch just about any ball on the fly. She took her to a vision specialist and they couldn't find any problems and that is when we started hearing the word "tumor". I could have spent tons of money getting x-rays but then I would have been living every day in fear so my husband and I made every day wonderful. She had a seizure at the beginning of April, which terrified both my husband and myself. After that, her eyes really sagged but she was still energetic and loving. We were still thankful for everyday we had her.

    Monday afternoon, she played like normal and then laid down in the living room. When her daddy came home, she stood up and seemed disoriented. She could hardly move her back legs and tucked her tail in between her legs when she moved. My husband laid her carefully on the ground and when he touched her inside hip, she let go the biggest yelp. We immediately loaded her in the car and scrambled to our vets office. They sedated her and did x-rays on her hips and her knees, both in perfect shape. They also looked at her belly and therein lies the problem. Our vet noticed a very large tumor that was pushing all her organs up and that at some point in time during the day, something must have ruptured and she was in a great deal of pain. We could either put her down or do surgery and since our vet still believed with her history of problems recently, we were still looking at a brain tumor.

    My husband and I went out into the parking lot and held eachother and sobbed. We wanted to hang onto her but we also didn't want her to suffer and it was clear she was in pain. We made the decision to let her go. The vet, who who knew when she was 8 weeks old, would now be with her in the end. She woke up from the sedation and they brought her into the room so we could say goodbye. I couldn't help apologizing, thinking I had failed her in some way. My husband was a mess. She was a daddy's girl but she was her mother's world. The vet and an assistant came in to give her the shot and we pet her and talked to her until she passed. It broke our hearts in two.

    I sobbed as I cleaned yesterday because I could still see the indentation of her in the carpet in the living room and the dust bunnies had her black hair in them. She leaves behind her 12 year old sister, who will probably be crossing the Rainbow Bridge to be with Cinder soon. I feel like someone keeps stabbing me in the heart and I want to scream from the ache. She was only 9.5 and should have been with us for a few more years. It is completely unfair and I don't know how I can go on.

    I take heart knowing she is with other labs across the Rainbow Bridge but I still want my baby girl with me. I'm taking things hour by hour at this point and hope the healing starts soon.

    babycinneyinbed.jpg

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    Sam 9-27-07

    Mojo 7-6-12

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  3. #2
    MidwestGirl is offline Senior Member
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    I am so sorry, her passing is just heartbreaking I will be praying for you.

  4. #3
    Jenylynne's Avatar
    Jenylynne is offline Senior Member
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    I am so sorry. Rest well, Cinder.
    Jen


    Cleo, our black beauty


    Zeus, our yellow, mellow, fellow

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  6. #4
    dek
    dek is offline Senior Member
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    I am so sorry! Go ahead and cry and scream if you need - the loss of such a sweet companion is devastating.
    She is pain-free and playing with the other labbies now!



  7. #5
    Mary Jane is offline Senior Member
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    I am so sorry for your loss. It truly will get better...........it just takes a while and many tears. Love on Abbey.

  8. #6
    theoconbrio is offline Senior Member
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    I am so, so sorry. We all know only too well what you are feeling now. It is the price we pay for having them in our lives. Please know that you did the right thing for her; it was your last act of love.

  9. #7
    bigbrownsmom is offline Senior Member
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    I'm so sorry. Run free sweet girl.

  10. #8
    my2labs's Avatar
    my2labs is offline Senior Member
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    Thank you all for your kind words and support. It was a rough day as I cleaned her food dish and put toys away and got a beautiful card from the vet. Every time i see a black hair, I tear up and the hair seems to be everywhere. My husband came home and cried for his little girl. He wants the sadness to go away and I do too but we have to be atrong for eachother and for Abbey. I am glad I came back to this forum. It is like coming back to family after a long vacation.

    Sam 9-27-07

    Mojo 7-6-12

  11. #9
    Tucker is offline Senior Member
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    I am so sorry for your loss...I cried as I read your post...my heart goes out to you and your husband

  12. #10
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    Sophiesmama is offline Senior Member
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    Tears here too. I am so sorry. I know how you feel. We lost our Maggiemay last May in a similar way. I still cry for her, and I remember just wanting the pain to stop. My heart breaks for you and the loss of sweet Cinder. About a month after we lost Maggie, we brought home Sophie. She in no way took Maggie's place, but made her own place in our hearts. When you are ready, a puppy will help you grieve.
    ~Pam



    Sophie DOB 04/13/2011 6 mo


    8.5 mo.

    Sophie 15 months, with Skye

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