December 2008 -
Christmas grows closer today and I wonder where the year has gone… where does the time go so quickly now?
I took Mocha to the Vet today and he told me for the first time that she has bone Cancer.
It seems to bubble and erupt from deep within the bone like something flowing that must go somewhere. Maybe this is TIME – ebbing and flowing, sometimes erupting, and in the quiet moments we catch our breath and wonder where will it go from here?
It kills me to look at the lump in her chest. She is much stronger than you or I will ever be. She does not call in sick or take a day off – no, she adapts and adjusts to be ready for us, whenever we may need to ‘GO’.
Does she look at us and feel our sadness? What would she do for us if she could take away the pain we felt?
Our lives will be much different when she is gone. She has been the third member of our family, traveling and moving with us as needed. Being "small" when small was best (hotel 20 pound weight limit for dogs), "loud" when loud was best (there's a stranger at the door!). But always there for us with her version of “I will give them my best as a member of this pack”.
Aggravating sometimes. Maddening, yes. Our Mocha.
February 8 2009 -
Today we made one of the most difficult decisions in our lives. We had to put our dear Labrador to sleep today at 1 p.m.
This morning it had become apparent that the bone cancer mass was becoming too much for her. She barely slept during the night and could hardly make it back in the house with the morning paper (her morning 'job' for 12 years).
Now the house seems terribly cold, dark, and quiet without her. .. where do dogs go when they pass? We often read they have no soul and do not go to Heaven.
My Wife told me now that "What comes from God, goes to God".
So I will forever firmly believe that God sent her as an Angel to us. Who else but an Angel could make our lives so full of happiness and laughter? I am a better Man and Husband because of my dog Mocha. I look at life in a different way. Who else but an Angel?
I hear a symphony in your Heart, sets my head a reeling. (The Who, 1971)
I will miss her and the way she constantly made me look at myself and my actions. I tried to be a better person because of her, and a better Husband to Maria because of her.
If we all could love and forgive the way a dog can or world would be a better, peaceful, happy place.
I walked out to get the paper today without my old friend, saw the sun rising and thought of a poem I wrote long ago, never knowing why or for whom, but now it seems so fitting.
“I kissed the Sun this morning
Cause I thought it was you in disguise
Then I waded in pools of loveliness
Cause I swore they looked like your eyes
I climbed a mountain of daydreams
Thought you might have been waiting on top
But the view from up high left me empty from within
I Long to see you again my Friend”
How we miss you.
We sat down and read and watched the Rainbow Bridge video about how dogs wait for their Masters, fully healed and well-fed among friends.
We know Mocha is waiting for us. I just hope she knows how she is missed here in our lives.
Coppertone's Mocha Supreme May 1996 - February 2009