I didn't know where to turn, up until 3 weeks ago, I was momma to 6 labs. Today, there are 4. Three weeks ago I came home to find my 14 year old Sandy, lying on her side dead. I have no clue what killed her, vet says she died in sleep/old age. I nearly gave up when she died, the loss was so great, and I felt guilty that I was out paying bills when she died. Fast forward to 2 days ago. Sandys daughter Bella(chocolate lab) who was almost 9, died. But I feel like I killed her! She was perfect health, bouncing around the yard and I had gave her lunch and her treat of spagettios. All was perfect. She threw up once, seemed a bit tired, started to drink water but paused then collapsed, just fell and seemed exhausted. Checked her gums, they were pretty pale, no blood return. Tries to give her a treat, and also a drink of milk(her fav) but she refused. Rushed to vet.Bella went from her hyper puppy like self to gravely I'll within an hour of throwing up. Vet took X-ray. Vet said he knew what is was before the X-ray because his Sheppard had died of it recently. She had a gigantic mass (football shaped) starting at the top of her spine to the bottom of her belly on the X-ray. I thought well, let's do surgery. Vet said it was attached to organs and the organs obviously can't all come out. He said for $3,000 to $5,000 I could try to rush her an hour to better hospital where a blood transfusion and small portion of tumor may be removed, but the majority of tumor would still be left. It could buy her a couple months. That's if she made the trip alive to the city(over an hour) and IF she made the surgery. I sure didn't have the money, and she looked so bad I doubted shed make the trip, let alone surgery. After he told me this, I went to see my precious Bella on his table. They had ran 2 bags of fluid into her, and her gums were now paper white. Jowls were grayish. She pooped on the table, and a bit of bloody poop as well. She had a giant mass that ruptured. The X-ray showed blood all over inside her body cavity. Vet said she was in process of dying and was very tired. Her mouth and foot pads were cold. She wouldn't try to move and wouldn't look at me or lick me, she was awake, and except for the white coloring in her mouth, to a stranger her appearance would seem almost normal. My husband rushed to say goodbye, she stayed alive for him to get there. She thumped her tail twice when he walked into the room. Yet she didn't lick him or look at him either, just lying there . She did try twice to turn and look at her back end or stomach, but vet gently laid her back down. Vet said when these masses explode, they are mostly going to kill the dog. I have never cried so hard. I lost her momma Sandy just weeks before and was still in shock. The vet said "most" would put her down. We did. It killed us. Now her and her momma are gone and we struggle if we did the right thing. We didn't want to bring her home, because we were afraid the internal bleeding would cause heart attack any moment, and didn't want to see her go through anything like that. Maybe she would have lived, with a miracle. Even if we had the $5000 we didn't want the possible couple months to be hard on her. I am so distraught and didn't know where to turn. Did we do the wrong thing?
I am so sorry for your losses. Please don't second guess yourself. You did what was best for your girl. It is never easy but we make these decisions Her annual check up was good not more than seven months before.Two weeks before we had to let her go she was at the beach with us. We were away with her the weekend she got sick. Just started throwing up and was not eating much. Got back home and took her right in to the vet. Tests showed lymphoma.Our vet sais she was a very sick girl. Molly was just 8 1/2 years old. By the time we were going to the vet she was starting to have dark bloody stools. We brought her home so we could have a night to say good bye. There were no options that would have cured her and I would never want her to suffer. It broke our hearts. Even though it is the hardest thing to do, we make those decisions because we love them. Take care.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your dog also. Bella was about the same age. I had always told myself I would never ever put a dog down, never play God. That's why I have so much guilt. I keep having "what ifs". What if she really wasn't dying on the table? I mean, she looked so normal. What if she trusted me to help her? I watched her get herself into the vehicle to go to the vet, thinking momma was gonna help her. She looked at me thinking I was gonna help. What if the internal bleeding could've resolved itself? I just hope I didn't take away her life early.
I had those same thoughts. But I remember the look in Molly's eyes when she looked at me. It was like she was asking me to help her. I did help her, she would not suffer. It is always so hard. But to keep her wth me when she was so sick, it was selfish on our part. If there was something I could have done to make her better...well I would have spent any amount. But there were no options & she was not going to get better. She went to sleep with my husband & I by her side, talking softly to her. This is the price we pay for loving these wonderful dogs. We never have them long enough.
I'm so sorry to hear about Molly. It kills me thinking of any dog dying, breaks my heart. We did not stay for the actual anethsethia, but for the first shot that made her relax. Honest to God she never made eye contact once, I don't know why. The tumor was humangiosarcoma(spelling) . This is so difficult to mourn them both at once. I also feel guilty because Sandy would wake me every morning by thumping that otter tail against the bed and wiggling her butt. When she died, I didn't want to get out of bed. I hated waking up, and thought of her and cried when I woke up. I missed the way she would me. Bella would then start to wake me up after sandy died, and I used to say to myself," hi Bella, morning. But you're not Sandy, and Sandy and I had a routine" Bella tried her best to make me happy and get me out of bed. She knew I was depressed. Finally, last week I started to smile when Bella would wake me, and I felt depression lift a bit. But it wasn't the same. If I would've known Bella would die, I would have cherished her trying to cheer me, if only I had more time, but now I feel bad that I compared the two. Sounds silly, but it wasn't the same and I was sad. Now I wished I appreciated Bella's wake up call more.I guess I feel guilty about every little thing now.
Im so sorry. I know exactly what you are feeling.
Our first lab Ginger had kidney failure at age 13, and we had her put down in the vets office.
I still shudder when I think of it.
Our second lab Hershey developed massive tumors at age 9.
I would not let the vet put her down this time, I thought it was my responsibility, and she would be less afraid if I didi it.
I sat in the cab of my truck with her head in my lap and held my breath while exhaust fumes put her to sleep.
Still have nightmares about that.
Our third Lab Kahlua stopped eating at age 9, Vet said she was dying. We brought her home and sat with her for two days. I held her head as she died wispering good dog in her ear.
As she died, she stiffened, and let out a little bark, and was gone. I still wonder what she saw that made her bark, maybe nothing.
Our fourth lab Mocha, same thing stopped eating, I held her head as she passed. She let out a little growl.
Many (maybe most) will say that this was not the "humane" thing to do. They may be right, I don't know.
My point is... there is no easy way to say goodbye to your friend. They come into our lives, take over our lives, and then theyre gone.
Afterwards I always say "No More Dogs" this hurts too much.
But after a few weeks the house seems so empty. I say to myself "that dog gave me 8 years of joy. Now I have to suffer and grieve for a little while."
It was worth it.
Before I know it, there a new puppy snoodleing her way into my heart, adding to, not replacing the 4 still in there.
My heart goes out to you.
You are in my prayers.
Last edited by wmingin; 07-29-2012 at 11:43 PM.
Once again I'm crying, your story has touched my heart. Personally, I am afraid of going crazy if I have to watch any of my dogs die in front of me. it would devastate me. It has only been 2 days for Bella and a few weeks for Sandy. I'm terrible at grieving and am falling apart. I appreciate you sharing. Thank you
Such pain to lose TWO in such a short time. Only time can heal. You feel like the pain will never stop.
For me, it was worse than losing my parents. I still don't know why.
I had to hide all photos of the dog for months.
Right now, all you can feel is loss. When you remember them, you feel that tight, intense pain.
Just when you think you're "all cried out" you'll start crying again.
But one day soon you'll be able to remember them and laugh when you tell stories about their antics.
Oh my gosh this has me in tears. I am so sorry. There are no words..just tears for you.
Don't second guess your self. I spent years doing that after Kass passed and it didn't bring her back. It clouds the good memories and that is what we need to treasure. You did the best you could and she knew it.
Please come back and share your precious dogs with us when you are ready. Many here understand the pain of loosing a dog so there is a lot of support if you need it.
Still thinking about you...
Hope you're sleeping, and not reading this.