For those who foster - picking a family and letting go
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Thread: For those who foster - picking a family and letting go

  1. #1
    Tanya is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultFor those who foster - picking a family and letting go

    Just reading applications for Jake made my stomach turn. After calling a potential family (who sound good) I want to cry. I don't plan to keep Jake, i'm sure there is a better home for him then me. But how do I trust people with his life?

    Sigh. I know this part never gets easy and is part of the deal. I'm just in a lull right now about it.
    Charlie (foster) and Rocky

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    Kathy5475 is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultRe: For those who foster - picking a family and letting go

    Sheesh. I just completed my ap to foster, and this is what worries me the most -- how will I be able to KNOW who is good for any of my dogs. And I'm not even approved, and don't know if I will be. Tanya, how long have you been fostering?

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    toyland444 is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultRe: For those who foster - picking a family and letting go

    Well, with our first foster, Hallie, we we're hoping for a family who would be home for a lot of the time and another dog to play bitey face. The first family to come and see her....empty nesters, mom only works four hours a day, and they wanted to get a playmate for their 1 yr. old mix! It was a no-brainer.
    I'm trying to figure out what kind of family Wesley needs. I'll have to have him longer to figure that one out.
    Good luck...trust your instincts.

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    Paddysmom's Avatar
    Paddysmom is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultRe: For those who foster - picking a family and letting go

    You can't know. You can meet the prospective "forever family" and know it's not a match.
    You can be a foster failure and know it's a success. (Flynn)

    It's a gamble... trust your instincts. Let them go or keep them... only your heart and experience will know what is right for the dog.

    Seamus and Flynn

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    MicksMom is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultRe: For those who foster - picking a family and letting go

    We got extremely lucky with the Brittany we fostered- friends of ours who have always had Brittanies fell in love with him. He now lives just a few miles from us. We went with our guts with my late grand mother's Toy Poodle (there was no way we could keep her). I talked with a few people over the phone that I just didn't think would be the right fit. A couple drove out from NYC to meet Connie (the Poodle). We had a good feeling about them just from talking over the phone, and felt even better after meeting them. But it was Connie who sealed the deal. After spending 15 miuntes out in our yard alone with them, I no longer existed for her.

  8. #6
    brody's Avatar
    brody is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultRe: For those who foster - picking a family and letting go

    I have been actively fostering since 1994 (steadily)

    it is never really easy but you do learn on the way...

    some agencies don't give the ultimate control to the foster parent- I have been doing this long enough now that I wouldn't be comfortable giving up all control about where the animal goes... however having somebody to bounce ideas and thoughts off is very helpful - find yourself a mentor if you can

    Sometimes the best home on paper just isn't a good fit - and sometimes a home that has one of my BIG flags turns out to be ideal

    the worst thing is when you place an animal into a home you think is brilliant but then it doesn't work out

    I have some placements that make me feel ill in hindsight - but I am only human and I can only do the best I can ... I have learned to trust my gut and even if I can't put a finger on the why of a feeling "no" I will turn down otherwise appropriate homes based on a niggle now - it was a very painful lesson to learn tho



    the sister of Hank (this puppy- she was nearly a twin) died when about 6 months old (I had hand raised them from 3 weeks of age to 10 weeks) - she was posioned by a neighbour .. on paper the home looked great - the home visit went well but something niggled me I couldn't figure out what it was (and still don't really know) how I wish I had just said no and walked away
    Jackie would be alive today I suspect

    it truly is one of the HEARTBREAKING parts of doing rescue

    it is also one of the most heartwarming parts mind you
    last night I got to play with and adore the two puppies I placed last fall - both are healthy, loved and doing oh so well

    cheers
    http://andrea-agilityaddict.blogspot.com/

    “I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.” H. Keller

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    EMA
    EMA is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultRe: For those who foster - picking a family and letting go

    I had a dog for 4+ months I was fostering (I do some here and there) and I had about 50 inquires on this dog, after each one I was left thinking - NO WAY...they may sound good on paper, but after speaking with them, I didn't like them at all. She attacked one of my dogs - she still stayed (just kept her separate). I got a call one day, talked - brought her to meet them and I wasn't planning to let her go at all - but the family just fit, and I felt comfortable just letting her go right then and there - I've visited her since (3 years ago) and it just warms my heart that they are still in love with her - I know turning down all those others was worth it - and in the end, this one just felt right.

  10. #8
    Tanya is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultRe: For those who foster - picking a family and letting go

    Thanks for the advise guys.

    It actually feels too soon for him to be leaving. he's only been here 2 weeks - so I definately do not want to rush him out the door, far from it.

    I won't be alone in any of this. The head of the rescue is coming with me and being supportive. She also said a few times she is UBBER picky about finding a good home.

    I guess we need to do the home visit and see how it goes. My biggest worries are that he won't be allowed on the couch (poor thing) and that maybe he'd be crated at night as well (they didn't say this, i'm just wondering). I also want a promise he will be walked every day.
    Charlie (foster) and Rocky

  11. #9
    HersheyK's Dad's Avatar
    HersheyK's Dad is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultRe: For those who foster - picking a family and letting go

    To those of you that foster, my hat is off to you.

    I could have seen myself doing that when I thought the rescur org found and approved the permanent home and then showed up at my door, maybe with a couple days notice to take the dog to its forever home.

    I think as I read this thread, the foster home does the interviews, approval, and delivery. Uh! uh. I don't think I could do it. I wold attach to the dog too quickly to decide to give it away to someone. To provide a temporary home and someone else would make the decision when the dog left, I could do that knowing that I was acting as a foster. But to send the dog off on my own, too weak. I don't think I could do it. Those of you that do this, you are stronger than I am. You guys are good and deserve a round of applause.
    Hershey Kisses, In charge of getting Ed out to the dog park so that he gets some exercise.

  12. #10
    EMA
    EMA is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultRe: For those who foster - picking a family and letting go

    Quote Originally Posted by Tanya
    My biggest worries are that he won't be allowed on the couch (poor thing) and that maybe he'd be crated at night as well (they didn't say this, i'm just wondering). I also want a promise he will be walked every day.
    What's wrong with not being allowed on the couch, or crating at night? My dogs sleep in crates at night for the first year at least of their life. One dog at nearly 10 needs to sleep in a crate b/c she still chews things. One dog chooses to sleep in his crate (with the door open). I recommend not allowing pets on the furniture until they know who's boss, same with sleeping arrangements (especially true for new owners - not saying you, but his new family w/ any new dog). I don't know if I'll let future dogs on the furniture - my current GSD yes, because it was a losing battle - so I compromised she could sleep at the end of the bed and not move all night instead of waking up in the middle of the night in a corner of my bed with her stretched out throughout. My lab is not allowed on furniture, he's content to be on a dog bed on the floor.

    I guess if those are your only concerns, I'd re-evaluate what he needs, and what you want out of it. If those are your views, I'm not knocking you (really, I'm not), but you have to see what he needs, what you want out of his potential family. Sometimes the best homes are ones that are strict and have a lot of structure - but he'll be loved and cared for unconditionally. The dog I mentioned before, is as fat as a table - if you saw my dogs, you'd know what a big deal this is to me. I've tried to educate, and telling them to reduce food, increase exercise - but it didn't happen. However, that dog is super happy and in the best home possible - she was never going to stay at my house nor could she. I ignore overfeeding (a huge deal to me) knowing that she's happy, loved, and for the most part, healthy (despite being extremely overweight).

    My dogs don't get walked (or biked) everyday. They do however get retrieve sessions in the yard or the pool and are trained. They exercise every day. On an off or really busy day (rare occurrence, but it happens), they just skip it, but that's part of how it works in my house - I have to skip running/gym/soccer some days too, depending on what's going on.

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