When I rang to book into the first aid class they told me my dog had to be under control. Mmm.. Well yes.. One is.
The day came. I had been sick all week and my voice had all but gone and I sounded like a chipmunk, but I didn’t want to miss the first one and tossed up which dog to take. Sam was on Prednisone so a bit smelly.
Everyone had lap dogs and nicely dressed. I had jeans and sweater and felt my big black dog and I were out of place. One man with a poodle really didn’t like Erns and poodle kept yapping which made it worse.
The instructor a sergeant major type said to get into pairs then commented there should be more than one big dog. She had no sooner finished than a dishevelled woman (Sue) ran in with an equally dishevelled dog a bit smaller than Erns.
Erns butt started talking when we were bandaging our dogs. I was hoping no one would notice, but after Sue piped up she knew that dead bird smell anywhere, I had to admit Erns had eaten one the day before.
The instructor finished showing us CPR on the Poodle then said bring the Lab as it is different with big dogs. Oh No.!!!! he is bad enough controlling now let alone on the little table with an audience.
Instructor in her sergeant major voice "Come on.. we haven’t got all night."
Everyone was crowded around the table while she was demonstrated when we heard PPPPPfffffttttt.... Pffffttt... and Erns looked at his butt. OMG no Ernie. Poodle man was closest and reelled away in horror with his hand over his nose saying “eeeewwwww You dirty black Labrador.” Sue was screeching with laughter. More Pppfffts. I was moritifed with embarrasment as everyone moved away from the horrendous smell.
The instructor said. “What in gods name do you feed that dog.” I tried to say “yesterday he ate a dead bird” but all that came out in a chipmunk voice was “dead birds”
Instructors Yells. “You feed your dog dead birds. Good god woman. Dead birds...” Sue who is now almost rolling on the floor managed to say he ate a dead bird.
By now everyone except Poodle man is snickering and Erns thinks party party. He's off butt tucking around the room, stopping beside the poodle. I knew by the way he was positioning himself on one good leg he was going to pee on it. No point yelling as no one could hear so I pulled off my shoe and threw it at him. To my horror it missed him hit the wall, bounced off and hit the poodle. Poodle man picked up his dog shouting “you and your dirty black bstard.” I just wanted to die.
The instructor gave me lecture about dogs being under control and told me to take him away.
I said I had a yellow boy in the car.
No.. Go...go home tonight and bring the yellow one next week.
A decision I think she regretted..
edited to add a bit long.
- sorry Chris but I am laughing so hard I have tears running down my face! Oh I am so sorry, but Erns' good boy, that old "bitty" deserved that and more!!
Laugh. We all do now. Sams turn next. ;D that poor poodle. ;D
OMG that is hilarious ;D I hope you're not going to make us wait too long for the next instalment!
Won't someone please feed me!
I can't stop laughing, can hardly see through tears. I love Ernie more and more with each story.
I hope you feel better and get your voice back.
You crack me up! I'm glad to see you have your sense of humor back, girl! I think you should write an Erns book...I know for sure it would be an even bigger hit that Marley and Me!
The story is hilarious. I could see HK providing similar entertainment/embarrassment a few months ago. You are taking a first aid for dogs class? I never heard of them before. Will have to do some searching.
Hershey Kisses, In charge of getting Ed out to the dog park so that he gets some exercise.
LOL! seriously, you are too funny. ;D ;D ;D
"Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend." ~ Corey Ford
Sue & Snicks in New Hampshire
"I got the ball Mom....!!!"
ROTFLMBO! Just too funny. I think the poodle man should be sent home instead.
~Veronica and Nikki~
Sweet Emma, 16th of February 1996~26th of November 2010
Always in my heart and soul. Together forever, my love....
Nikki 6 months