Morning Funny
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Thread: Morning Funny

  1. #1
    Samson is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultMorning Funny

    > Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last
    > one is great!
    > Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the
    > words back...
    > or that you could crawl into a hole?
    > Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
    >
    >
    > FIRST TESTIMONY:
    > I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
    > asked loudly, ´How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?´ I
    > turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband
    > didn´t say a word...
    > he knew better.
    >
    >
    > SECOND TESTIMONY:
    > I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
    > I was unhappy with the women´s type I had been using.
    > After browsing for several minutes,
    > I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the
    > store.
    > He asked if he could help me.
    > Without thinking, I looked at him and said, ´I think I like playing
    > with men´s balls´
    >
    >
    > THIRD TESTIMONY:
    > My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
    > variety of candy and nuts.
    > As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter
    > asked if we needed any help.
    > I replied, ´No, I´m just looking at your nuts.´ My sister started to
    > laugh hysterically.
    > The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day,
    > my sister has never let me forget.
    >
    >
    > FOURTH TESTIMONY:
    > While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
    > some pent-up energy and ran amok.
    > I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of
    > disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
    > I told her that if she did not start behaving ´right now´ she would be
    > punished.
    > To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
    > threatening, ´If you don´t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma
    > that I saw you kissing Daddy´s pee-pee last night!´ The silence was
    > deafening after this enlightening exchange.
    > Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
    > I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with
    > my daughter in tow.
    > The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of
    > laughter.
    >
    >
    > FIFTH TESTIMONY:
    > Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
    > My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I
    > was on him constantly.
    > One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
    > It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I
    > smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old
    > daughter, she was clean.
    > Then realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while.
    > I asked him if he needed to go, and he said ´No´.
    > I kept thinking
    > ´Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don´t have any clothes
    > with me.´ Then I said, ´Danny, are you SURE you didn´t have an
    > accident?´ ´No,´ he replied.
    > I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was
    > getting worse.
    > Soooooo, I asked one more time, ´Danny did you have an accident ? This
    > time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks
    > and yelled ´SEE MOM, IT´S JUST FARTS!!´ While 30 people nearly choked
    > to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and
    > sat down.
    > An old couple made me feel better,
    > thanking me for the best laugh they´d ever had!
    >
    >
    > LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
    >
    >
    > This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
    > embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
    > before she speaks.
    > What happens when you predict snow but don´t get any!
    > We had a female news anchor that,
    > the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn´t, turned to the
    > weatherman and asked:
    > ´So Bob, where´s that 8 inches you promised me last night?´ Not only
    > did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, they were
    > laughing so hard!
    > Now, didn´t that feel good?
    > Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh and remember we all
    > say things we don´t really mean, so think before you speak

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  3. #2
    patm's Avatar
    patm is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultRe: Morning Funny

    ;D ;D ;D Those were great!!!

  4. #3
    Gene Guest

    DefaultRe: Morning Funny

    Oldies, but still FUNNY!

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  6. #4
    momofalab's Avatar
    momofalab is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultRe: Morning Funny

    Those were cute!

  7. #5
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    DefaultRe: Morning Funny

    Thanks for the laughs upon starting my day!!!

  8. #6
    Callaway's Avatar
    Callaway is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultRe: Morning Funny

    ROFLAO!

    Courtney, Bogey and Calli

  9. #7
    Clanceycanuck is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultRe: Morning Funny

    ;D ;D

  10. #8
    georgie's Avatar
    georgie is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultRe: Morning Funny

    ;D ;D Those were great. That's for the morning laugh.

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