having a rough time today
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Thread: having a rough time today

  1. #1
    amazongold's Avatar
    amazongold is offline Senior Member
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    Defaulthaving a rough time today

    On and off, I keep remembering Shadow and missing her intensely. :'( Buddy has been destroying most of the stuffed animals that she loved to play with, one by one. This morning, he started to de-stuff her favorite ball, a black and white soccer ball, and I lost it. :-[ I yelled at him and took it away so he couldn't destroy it. I feel so bad, it isn't his fault that he's not Shadow and that he doesn't play the same way she did. It's just really bothering me today.

    Often, I'll wake up during the night and think of her last day, how sad and miserable she was when I took her to emergency, how bad I felt because I couldn't make her better, and then how I just kept stroking her soft, silky cheek and ear after she had crossed the Bridge, telling her how much I loved her - and I start bawling and just can't stop.

    I'm just having a really bad day. I want my Shadow back! I think maybe getting Buddy when we did was a mistake after all, because I'll never love him as much as I loved Shadow. It's not fair to him.
    Jackie, Champ, and Buddy

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  3. #2
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    DefaultRe: having a rough time today

    I'm sorry you are having a bad day. The whole process of grieving is so hard. Yes, there will be times when you look a Buddy and think how he is not like Shadow. You are developping a relationship with Buddy and it is hard not to compare. I would suggest ( and this is just a suggestion) that you put Shadow's old toys away and let Buddy have the new ones. It is still too hard for you to watch Buddy destroy Shadow's things. It is like saying goodbye to Shadow over and over again, and you are not ready to do that yet.
    Hope today is a better day for you. I'll be thinking about you
    Pat

  4. #3
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    DefaultRe: having a rough time today

    Jackie..I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Maybe if you try to think of it in this way..Shadow was Shadow, you'll always love her and miss her, and that Buddy was not a replacement for Shadow but a new and different Lab to enjoy and love in a different way than you did Shadow. I know that didn't come out right. It's like parents who lose a child, if they have another..it's not the one that died, it's a new complete personality that most likely will be nothing like the child that died. You learn to love the next one, and it helps not to compare..because the odds of getting two labs exactly alike in personality are slim.
    I agree..put Shadow's toys away..and start with Buddy toys..and let him enjoy them in his way!!!
    Feel better, Jackie

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    Joe Maringo's Avatar
    Joe Maringo is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultRe: having a rough time today

    Time Jackie, lots of time.

    I honestly was not right for almost a year after Maggy died. I didn't sleep for months and would wake in the middle of the night and just cry for her. I was miserable and not a nice person to be around. Slowly, VERY slowly I started to get better and finally I was able to let go. Like you, I felt so bad that I could not fix her. An 8 year old dog is not supposed to die.

    You will come around in your own time, and Buddy will be there to love you and be your best friend when the time is right. He will never be Shadow, no one ever will, but he will be your loving companion for many years to come. Take a few of Shadow's special toys and save them somewhere safe, or put them on a shelf next to her picture.

    Your friends are here for you. Most of us know exactly how you feel.
    Southwest Pennsylvania Retriever Rescue Organization or S.P.A.R.R.O. and Shades Of Grey Senior Sanctuary
    A 501c3 Non Profit Organization.
    Plum, Pa.
    412-795-0163
    website www.sparro.org/

    Saving one dog will not change the world But, surely, for that one dog the world will change forever!


  7. #5
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    DefaultRe: having a rough time today

    Oh Jackie,

    I am so sorry. I can tell you that I have felt that way before. Even if you have 2 dogs and lose 1 when you see the one remaining using the others toys, bed dishes etc you think it isn't right.

    I agree put away Shadows things and get Buddy some of his own. That way when he eats, sleeps and plays it is not a constant reminder of Shadow. Also remember even though you feel like maybe it was to soon and you cannot love Buddy as much as you loved Shadow you are giving him a much much better life then he had. Your love for Shadow grew and you have to give Buiddy enough time for your love of him to grow.

    Buddy is a good little guy and all he wants is your approval so remember Shadow would want you to be happy. You might try toys he cannot destuff. I know Cinnamon loves her tire and Cuz toys. He will do things Buddy's way which is just fine.

    Buddy will never replace Shadow but he will fill a different spot in your heart if you let him.

  8. #6
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    DefaultRe: having a rough time today

    Jackie....I am so sorry that this is one of the "very bad days". :'( I also got Beau very soon after losing Mocha and believe me...I felt the very same way for a very long time. But remember...you did not replace Shadow nor the love you have for her. You saved and brought a new pup into your home to share your love with. You will continue to have sad days,. But I promise, with time---lots of time, you will begin remembering Shadow with a smile through the tears. I too got Beau soon after losing Mocha and went through many of the same feelings....let yourself cry. I agree with the others--put Shadow's things away and get Buddy his own toys to play with....and then just enjoy him. With time you will find out just how much you do love him.

    HUGS

  9. #7
    MicksMom is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultRe: having a rough time today

    I totaly understand. It'll be a year tomorrow that we had Mick pts, and I miss him terribly. For some reason, Caleb has been pretty good with Mick's toys. But, I just couldn't bring myself to let him play with Mick's all time faovrite- an old, beat up volleyball. It's up in the hall closet, along with a ratty old tug rope that Kole didn't want to see destroyed. (((hugs)))

  10. #8
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    DefaultRe: having a rough time today

    I am so sorry you are feeling this way today. All I can offer is (((HUGS))).

  11. #9
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    4yelloweyedogs is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultRe: having a rough time today

    I understand too..,.... It takes a LONG time for those feelings to mellow...... you will never "get over" Shadow, but only time helps make the feelings not hurt so much.,....... I agree that putting ALL of Shadow's things away is a good idea....... I still have Napoleons choke collar that he wore all the time... and I would never think of letting another dog wear it.... it's been 5 years since we lost him....... Give Buddy all new toys..... and don't hate yourself for feeling as if you don't like Buddy the same way, because you never will love him the same..... it will be a different love..... and I think it's that way for all of them..... it's been 5 years, but at times I walk past Napoleons grave and tell him I miss him and wish he were still here with me........ I can STILL break down and cry over losing him........ it's not been that long since Shadow.... just give yourself time........ ((((hugs))))

    Melissa
    He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.


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    Clanceycanuck is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultRe: having a rough time today

    I am so sorry. I hope you feel at peace soon, and can let Buddy in.

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