THE LABRADOR RETRIEVER - AN ALTERNATIVE BREED STANDARD
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Thread: THE LABRADOR RETRIEVER - AN ALTERNATIVE BREED STANDARD

  1. #1
    FrenchMaddie is offline Member
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    DefaultTHE LABRADOR RETRIEVER - AN ALTERNATIVE BREED STANDARD

    Hey guys, i thought i'd post this up. I don't know if its been done before as i am only new.

    I'm sure all of you can relate to this!!!*

    THE LABRADOR RETRIEVER - AN ALTERNATIVE BREED STANDARD

    General Appearance
    Not too fussy about appearance. Perfectly happy covered in mud. Not too fussed about bringing home an aroma from something rolled in either. Quite prepared to stand and allow owner to wash dirt off and understands the importance of getting dry by getting rid of excess water with a good shake... usually when standing beside owner.

    Characteristics
    Agile, adaptable and devoted to the cause. Has never lost its ability to hunt for food and shows all these characteristics to demonstrate the fact.

    Temperament
    Very intelligent and kind. Not aggressive or shy. Uses these qualities when conning food off people or when done something wrong and due a bollocking.

    Skull
    Houses a computer-like brain. Solves problems in split seconds, can switch from one application to another in nano seconds and has plenty excess capacity for personal projects.

    Eyes
    Can see a crumb under a chair at the opposite end of an unit room.

    Ears
    More effective than Fylingdales. When used in conjunction with eyes, nothing is missed. Ears can detect a sweet being unwrapped in a pocket 3 rooms away, with every door closed. Can be switched on and off at will.

    Nose
    Unbelievably effective. No limit to the distance food can be detected. Can also detect foul smelling objects and substances in which to roll, up to 3 fields away. Can cause acute embarrassment when shoved into the crotch of visitors.

    Mouth
    Pre-programmed to pick things up in its mouth and walk away with them, it will need reprogramming to get it to carry them to the handler. New models (called puppies) come fitted with a temporary set of needles. No chair or table leg is safe, particularly with ones left on their own .- both furniture and puppies.

    Neck

    Strong and powerful enough to drag anything attached to a collar and lead.

    Forequarters
    The part seen just before it launches itself to show how pleased it is to see you.

    Body
    Very solid construction. Can easily dislodge large objects which have foolishly been left in its path. Also very efficient at bringing down standing human objects, especially when clattering into the back of the legs.

    Hindquarters

    The part most often seen by the owner who can't be bothered to train the dog.

    Tail

    Unfortunately fitted to the Labrador at coffee table height and with one wag can clear every cup (especially when full) and anything else not nailed to the table.

    Movement

    Usually in a straight line, with a purpose, so it tends to be thinking more about that than where it's going. Advisable to nail valuables down.

    Coat
    Has a waterproof undercoat which it needs because it does not walk around water, whether it be puddle or stream. No too fussy about the consistency or aroma either.

    Colour
    Black, chocolate and yellow - depending on your choice, you may have to re-organise your decor.

    Size
    Big enough to crash into anything.

    Faults
    None whatsoever.




    Nicola, Milly, Coco and Blue!<br />&quot;No matter how little money and how few possessions you own, having a dog makes you rich&quot; - Louis Sabin<br />

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  3. #2
    Barron Bunch is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultRe: THE LABRADOR RETRIEVER - AN ALTERNATIVE BREED STANDARD

    PERFECT!!!!!!

    Is this yours? Can we use it on our Lab rescue site?

    Dina
    www.txlabrescue.org
    Dina &amp; The Barron Bunch<br />STLRR - Southeast Texas Labrador Retriever Rescue

  4. #3
    Emma the Lab's Avatar
    Emma the Lab is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultRe: THE LABRADOR RETRIEVER - AN ALTERNATIVE BREED STANDARD

    ;D ;D Great!
    ~Veronica and Nikki~
    Sweet Emma, 16th of February 1996~26th of November 2010
    Always in my heart and soul. Together forever, my love....

    Nikki 6 months


    http://theblacklabrador.blogspot.com/

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  6. #4
    Brigettas Mom is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultRe: THE LABRADOR RETRIEVER - AN ALTERNATIVE BREED STANDARD

    That is GREAT!

    Teresa, mom to Brigetta and Prudence

  7. #5
    LiLChRiZ54 is offline Member
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    DefaultRe: THE LABRADOR RETRIEVER - AN ALTERNATIVE BREED STANDARD

    perfect! that is great!
    <br /><br />~~ChRiStiE &amp; ToBy~~<br /><br />A Lesson I Learned From My Dog - If it&#039;s not wet and sloppy, it&#039;s not a real kiss.

  8. #6
    WeHeartLabs is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultRe: THE LABRADOR RETRIEVER - AN ALTERNATIVE BREED STANDARD

    Ears can detect a sweet being unwrapped in a pocket 3 rooms away, with every door closed. Can be switched on and off at will. LOL !!!!!

    Forequarters
    The part seen just before it launches itself to show how pleased it is to see you. so true!!!

    Tail
    Unfortunately fitted to the Labrador at coffee table height and with one wag can clear every cup (especially when full) and anything else not nailed to the table. lmao

    Faults
    None whatsoever.


    The above is Emma...to a tee


    Love this! Thanks for posting it.







    <br /><br />

  9. #7
    CoCosMom's Avatar
    CoCosMom is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultRe: THE LABRADOR RETRIEVER - AN ALTERNATIVE BREED STANDARD

    This is great!

    As for the Ears:
    Can be switched on and off at will.
    This made me LOL!
    ~Jo & CoCo


  10. #8
    Hunter's Avatar
    Hunter is offline Senior Member
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    DefaultRe: THE LABRADOR RETRIEVER - AN ALTERNATIVE BREED STANDARD

    First time I have ever read this!

    So true to the Lab Standard!



  11. #9
    Caseys Mom Guest

    DefaultRe: THE LABRADOR RETRIEVER - AN ALTERNATIVE BREED STANDARD

    All too true!* ;D
    Thanks for the laughs!

  12. #10
    modgirlreporter Guest

    DefaultRe: THE LABRADOR RETRIEVER - AN ALTERNATIVE BREED STANDARD

    We had an incident of Coffee Table Tail just this morning (and last night, and yesterday afternoon ... !). As for seeing the south end of a dog facing north, that's not necessariy because she's untrained (though she is, sigh, we're TRYING! LOL) but because she seems to prefer having her butt petted to having her head petted. Perhaps you should add that to the list. ;D

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