I was going through a mastiff breeder's website and found this very well put poem - definately worth a read , and maybe if you guys like it drop a line to her
There was a time, there really was,
When I was sweet and tender;
When Show Dog meant a Disney Star,
and bitch was not a gender.
I went to bed at half past ten;
I went to church on Sunday;
On Saturday I baked the beans
and did the wash on Monday.
But then I got a certain pup,
And an erstwhile friend said "SHOW",
And so I did and so I do,
OH! What I didn't know.
I used to dress with flair and style,
That was the life, don't knock it.
But now each dress from bed to ball
Must have a good bait pocket.
I used to have a certain air,
I wallowed in perfume,
I used to smell of Niut D'Amour,
Now I smell like Mr. Groom.
My furniture was haute decor,
My pets a tank of guppies.
Now I've furniture unstuffed,
And well-adjusted puppies.
Once I spoke in pristine prose,
In dulcet tones and frail,
But now I'm using language,
That would turn a sailor pale.
I was taught to be well groomed
no matter where I went.
Now all the grooming that I do
is in the handler's tent.
I used to long for furs and jewels
And a figure classed as super,
Now the thing I yearn for most
is a nice new pooper scooper.
I adored a man who murmured verse,
through intimate little dinners,
But now the words I thrill to hear,
Are just three-"Best of Winners".
I rise at dawn and pack the car,
the road ahead's a long one.
The one I routed on the maps,
Invariably's the wrong one.
I really love this doggy life,
I wouldn't care to change it.
But when I get that Best in Show,
I plan to rearrange it.
When my time on earth is done,
I'll go without much nudging.
Just give me three weeks closing date,
and let me know who's judging.
SHE ALSO HAS THIS NOTICE AT THE ENTERENCE TO HER HOUSE -
Notice to people who visit my home
1. The dog lives here. You don't.
2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. Yes, she/he has some disgusting habits. So do I and so do you. What's your point?
4. OF COURSE she/he smells like a dog.
5. It's her/his nature to try to sniff your crotch. Please feel free to sniff hers/his.
6. I like her/him a lot better than I like most people.
7. To you she/he is a dog. To me she/he is an adopted daughter/son who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. I have no problem with any of these things.
8. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about whether they have the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant you can sell the pups.
9. The same applies for the cats, except they will ignore you... until you're asleep.