What to do when spouse disagrees about "end of life" issues... - Page 3
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Thread: What to do when spouse disagrees about "end of life" issues...

  1. #21
    serenitydad's Avatar
    serenitydad is offline Member
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    I don't know whether your dog is still with us, but I thought I'd try. I'm a husband, and I can to some extent see his point. If money is tight (we homeschool,too, and have had our tight years) it would be hard for him to part with $500 and be short come Christmas time. There is no guarantee that your dog would live thru the operation and then your husband may feel as though he made a poor decision as a man, father and breadwinner by not doing the "smart" thing. You may already be in deep debt, for all we know. Still, if YOU want this operation, I would suggest asking your husband to do it for your sake, not the dog's. He may think your feelings are worth$500 even if the life of your dog at this advanced age isn't. Funny how we will pay for all the damage a lab puppy can do in its first two years, but we get stingy when they are old and need some help. I'm not judging. I actually backed the decision to put our poodle down 30 years ago under similar circumstances and I regret it.
    True ambition is the deep desire to live usefully and walk humbly in God's grace. - Bill Wilson

  2. #22
    bett is offline Senior Member
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    if you homeschool, might you be able to tutor and pay for the surgery yourself?
    i'm having a hard time with this to begin with . put the dog down who is otherwise ok?
    not an option.

    and maybe down the road, a dog is not a good pet for your husband to have. they cost money.

  3. #23
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    I had to read the thread a couple of times, particularly the OP and what she needed, wanted. I think she is having a very difficult time putting into words what she is trying to say what she is perhaps looking for and I think it's a combination of a couple of things. To me, the way I am reading all of her posts combined and interpreting them, is she has a husband that does not want to pay the amount of money it takes for the surgery to even try and help this dog. She is also faced with an older dog that has numerous issues, who is not doing well, is not feeling good, and is going down hill. Between her husband not giving her the emotional support she might need right now and her being so upset with all of this, it's all coming out wrong and hard for us to comment on. Most of the comments I agree with, they were spoken based on only a part of what was told to the group.

    Over all, I think the answer is one only the OP can find. What is going to be the right decision? When is it going to be right? When do you stop the arguing with the husband over this? When do you continue the arguing over this? What am I teaching my children with this experience? I have no answer. We are all in different relationships with different ideas of what is right and wrong. I would give my right arm not to have to make these decisions in my life time yet I am faced with them too.

    The ONE thing I will stick with till the day I die is it really does not matter what anyone, my husband or anyone else thinks or says. IF I have a dog that is suffering... well suffice it to say I will not allow that to happen. The one gift we are able to give these beloved creatures is the gift of freedom before the pain sets in. If only we could do that for each other!!

    Danika & Eva

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  5. #24
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    Totally agree Susan. I think every situation and even every dog is different. It's a real balancing act and I hope the OP has found peace within by now.

    WindyCanyon Girls, August 2014

  6. #25
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    Our old lab had two bloody cysts removed, one under each eyelid. It didn't cost that much. I would take the dog for the operation. Make payment arrangements with the vet if necessary. Seriously, what is your husband going to do once it's done?

  7. #26
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    I'd be telling that husband that the way he cares for our pet is the kind of treatment he can expect from me when he gets on in years! And I would mean it , too!
    $500. is the price I would have to pay to sleep nights, knowing I have done right by my dog. Often, there are charities and vet payment plans available to help.


    Cornerstone's Lady Cassandra CGC (Cassie) and Cornerstone's Lady Rebecca CGC (Reba)
    Born to love and be loved 7/31/2010

  8. #27
    cillovely is offline Senior Member
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    My friend has a cat who recently developed cancer in her jaw and she got some special credit card just for the cat's care during this time. Maybe the OP can get something like that. It's one of the reasons I did opt for insurance for Siren when we got him.

    It's truly a tough decision. I've been there a few times, with cats, but they are family members all the same.

    I'm still carrying anger at my Mom who had my dog put down almost 25 years ago. She did it while I was at work and didn't even tell me. I am more mad that she didn't tell me, I would have liked to be there and say good-by to Cleo. Cleo had congestive heart failure.....my 89 year old Mom now has the same thing......should I have her put down too? Sorry, like I said I'm still carrying that anger around...

  9. #28
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    LOL, Labradory! Serious matter, I know, but that was a funny comment. Luckily my husband and I are agreed that I have the final say in their health decisions. I'm the one who studies up on everything!

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