What to do when spouse disagrees about "end of life" issues... - Page 2
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Thread: What to do when spouse disagrees about "end of life" issues...

  1. #11
    windycanyon's Avatar
    windycanyon is offline Senior Member
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    I am sorry for your situation. Is there any way you can talk to your vet about the costs involved and relay your husband's feelings? Is there a lower cost vet around that you could use? It does seem like quite a lot of $ for just a lump removal to me. So many vets want to add on extensive blood work (which btw could help you figure out what may be going on w/ his kidneys, etc).

    My other thought is to present to your husband what this dog has brought into your family, values wise. How are his actions possibly affecting your teaching of values to the children? Let's say you paid $500 for this dog 13 yrs ago (it'll be over twice if not 3x that now). I'm going to guess he's been pretty healthy... so pretty inexpensive as an annual cost. Expenses are much higher early in puppies' lives and late in their lives. It's a fact of life. Most dogs are real bargains when it comes down to it.

    One other thought. Maybe your husband is really having a hard time dealing with the eventual death of this dog? Not everyone shows their feelings the same way.

    WindyCanyon Girls, August 2014

  2. #12
    Brendainnj is offline Junior Member
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    No, he's not in the best of health...needs a lot of help to get him into the car to go anywhere, pants/drinks excessively, has a "hacking" cough that just developed in the past 3-4 months. Any yes, while I feel I have made "my" decision, it hasn't been an easy one...I am still praying my husband will decide to pay the $ for the surgery, but that is an extremely slim chance. With just this one situation, I think many of you can tell that there are other problems as well, and while I'm happy that many of you would just do what ever you wanted, I know that I will pay dearly if I choose that route.

    In looking at the many other threads here on senior dogs, it seems that there is much encouragement, and the line "you'll know when it's time & whatever you decide will be right for you" so often stated elsewhere does not apply here. I guess I'm not very good at putting into words my emotions so maybe everything comes out "matter-of-factly", not sure. I guess I wasn't so much looking for advice as an assurance that it's OK, but as I stated above...my mistake. So sorry to distress or offend you all.
    Last edited by Brendainnj; 02-13-2013 at 07:21 AM.

  3. #13
    Brendainnj is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you Windy...for honestly trying to help! Yes, I did speak to 2 vets, that's why the range was from $500-$800. I did state that without the surgery the dog would probably have to put down. Neither was willing to forgo the blood work...said they could not practice medicine w/o it. I too thought it was kind of high, since the second vet said the cyst was so small. Hoping against hope that they would cut out everything but the bare minimum, but not so. The surgery itself is $220, everything else is tests, anestesia(sp?), hospital board, etc. So that's where it stands.

    Unfortunately, my husband has never felt the same about pets as I have, and really has nothing to do with the dog unless necessary. He was attached to our previous lab, but not this one, not sure why. To make matters worse, he LOVES watching dog shows & picking out what kind of dog he'd love to get next. Honestly, I don't want another one...not fair to the animal.

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  5. #14
    tammyhuffman is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by elle.burns View Post
    oh my gosh... i dont know what to say.. its only $800 i would pay double that to have my Rockie back alive for one hour.
    please get the surgury...and perhaps a divorce

    good luck
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  6. #15
    Tucker is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by doubletrouble25 View Post
    I don't know what to say here. If I were you I would definitely get the surgery! The only reason I wouldn't is if I thought the dog was too old and not in the best health, and therefore wouldn't be able to tolerate the surgery. If that were the case, I would make him as comfortable as possible, not put my companion down out of convenience for myself. No one is in your shoes, though, and it sounds like you have already made your decision.
    I agree with this! Last year, Tucker was almost 10 and had to have a surgery to remove a tumor in his rectum...the vet said the surgery could leave him "number 2 incontinent" and/or probably "bark incontinent"...the thought of cleaning up dog crap 800 times a day was not very appealing to me and I could only imagine what the wall across from my front door was going to look like every time someone rang the door bell! Needless to say, I love Tucker more than anything and that was a small price to pay for the joy he has brought me over the years...the surgery ended up being several thousand dollars (money I really didn't have), but it was a success and a year later, he is doing well and is not remotely incontinent after all! I would be regretting it every day if I chose not to have the surgery, or put him down instead...

  7. #16
    BigBrownDog is offline Senior Member
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    I didn't realize you were looking for support regarding a decision about euthanizing your dog. That was not at all clear in your post. You emphasize that he is otherwise healthy.

    I honestly don't know what to tell you. I had to put down a 14 1/2 year old dog who was physically OK (heart and lungs still strong) who was blind, deaf, incontinent and seemed to not be enjoying life anymore. If she was still happy, I would certainly have done what I could to keep her comfy - but she wasn't so we let her go.

    I would not let your dog suffer further with this condition. I can't imagine it is painless for him. If you can't help him with the surgery, it is probably a better choice to put him down.
    Sharon, Blaise and Diesel.

  8. #17
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    I am really sorry that both you and your dog are in this situation. Do you have any idea what is causing his cough? There is more going on with him.

    It also sounds very much like your back is against the wall regarding your husband. While these situations are always difficult, it helps so much when both "parents" are on the same page. Sometimes that is the only comfort when your loving companion is sick and old.

    I wish you the best, I do, but I think your husband is behaving like a bully. I hate to see any woman in that situation - or any human being. And I think you are absolutely right that you shouldn't bring another dog into the home - sounds like your husband objectifies animals. They are living, sentient beings. Good luck - your road is difficult.

  9. #18
    Belles mom is offline Senior Member
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    Is there any way you could save $20.00 a week from your budget and save toward the operation? It is not really clear about the health issues, but if you could cope for a month or two, you could save a good chunck toward the operation.


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  10. #19
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    I thought you were asking how to deal with a husband who didn't want to pay for surgery for your dog. I am sorry to be flippant when you are thinking or letting your dog go. That is a horrible decision.

    Most of us here do think of our dogs as family, but that doesn't mean we won't be there for you when you need support. Many of us have faced that decision.

    I think only you know when it is time, and for me if you are thinking about it, or your companions quality of life isn't good then we have to do what is best for them.
    We each think differently and do different things for our dogs and none is better or worse.

    Good luck with your decision.

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  11. #20
    Lilprincee's Avatar
    Lilprincee is offline Senior Member
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    I am sorry you are going through this. As a woman and a person that loves my dog I can't even imagine. It sounds as if you cannot make the decisison to have the surgery yourself due to numerous reasons. Therfore, try to talk to your husband and let him know how important it is to you. When you own a dog, you are responsible for making the best decisions for your dog for it's life.
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