So we sent my MIL a plant for her bday...

[imported_Aim]

Remember I asked the other day what you should get someone you aren't speaking to? Yeah, so we sent a nice plant. Or so we thought.

DH's brother was here today for our dd's bday. He said their mom said "All I got was a plant" when speaking about us.

I do not know what to do with this woman anymore. We thought we were being nice, since she and her son (my dh) haven't spoken since August. We should have had our kids call last night to wish her a happy birthday, but we didn't. Her and her husband sent a gift for our dd's bday today. Our dd called her and thanked her and talked to her for a little while and that was that.

I just feel like we can't win with this woman. She tells dh's brother that she feels like we are punishing her by not letting our kids see her. But who wants to subject their children to a woman who tells her own son that she is done with him and that their relationship is a farce??

I am just at a loss.

[WeHeartLabs]

Youre right...you cant win with her and never will. So know in your heart you tried and so did he.

[imported_azlab]

If you let her get to you she is suceeding. Blow it off, it is a no win situtation.

[Mia&Buddy]

Make like a duck and let it roll off your back. When you can let it go, she won't have any power over you any more. (That in and of itself will drive her crazy!* :P ) Try as you may, you will never be able to change her. She is a nut and will apparently always be a nut. I'm sorry that you're going through this. At least your SU is on your side.

[Janna and Boomer]

You took the high road sending a plant to her...and I think that you need to stay on that road and just try not to think about her. I think no matter what you do, she will probably put a negative spin on it. You're doing great.

[jzgrlduff]

Wow, what a witch. I don't know about not seeing the kids though, Aim. That's a tough one.

[imported_Aim]

Wow, what a witch. I don't know about not seeing the kids though, Aim. That's a tough one.

You're right about the kids. And this is something we are really struggling with. Although, in our defense, she probably wouldn't have seen the kids anyways, because we just do not see her that often.

Here's the thing- I do not allow my children to be alone with her husband. I do not trust him. He has said some awful things about my dh and to my dh has a child. HE gets so mad when my kids do not do exactly what he wants, he stops talking to them and just stares out the window. For instance, he was trying to make a road on the carpet with tape for Cameron. Well, Cameron kept taking up little bits of tape to play with. He got mad at Cameron for being a 2yr old child and clenched his jaw and stared out the window ignoring Cameron when he was talking to him. They also talk about things with my children that we are not comfortable with. They tried talking Kelsey into something, but Kelsey didn't fold and came home and told us. This is when Kelsey was 5. She's now 9, so what are they going to try and say to her now?? We do not say ANYTHING negative about my MIL or her husband to our kids. I expect the same from them, but I can't trust them to do that.

The other thing is that my MIL told my dh during their fight that my children are disrespectful to them. Which is not the case. My daughter is shy, which is what they see as disrespectful. If my kids were disrespectful, it'd be one thing, but they aren't. She also basically said dh and I were bad parents. We may not be the greatest parents on earth, but we aren't bad parents. Our kids are well behaved, know their manners, respectful and are not spoiled brats. (at least not today! LOL)

I really feel that my MIL has mentally abused or at least emotionally abused my dh. Do I want to subject my children to that?? Especially when I'm not there to intervene??

Sorry to go on and on about this, it's just annoying me. I feel badly for my dh. He tries and tries but she just keeps knocking him down. He'd love to break away from their relationship, but he would really like a mother, kwim?

[TangerineFizz]

Wow Aim. She's not making this easy at all is she? I think that you are a terrific parent, you and you DH both. Kelsey is one of the nicest, sweetest,funniest, most polite kids I have met in a long time. And you know I think Cameron is a little sweetie too. I don't think you guys are doing a bad job with your kids at all, in fact, I think you are doing alot of things right.

As for not letting the kids go unsupervised, I'd go with your gut. I think kids carry that kind of baggage with them when a grandparent is uptight and just awful to be around. And if you are already nervous of her husband and don't let the kids be alone wiht him, then I'd maybe say if she wants to see the kids she can come see you.

[Buddy and Bailey]

sorry that you have to go through this. I agree with Karina- go with your gut

[imported_kiddsmom]

Next year, send her a dead plant. It will make this year's plant look good.