Brand names. How young is too young?

[blacklabparent]

I am having a bit of a parental dilemna here. My Mom wants to get the girls a "grading gift". Part of me thinks that's the dumbest thing in the world, you are supposed to grade, and there would be hell to pay if you didn't. Why get a gift for doing what is expected of you? The other part of me says shut up and let the grandparents spoil their grandbabies, after all, I always got grading gifts... good ones, too. I get them something every year anyway, I can't be a hypocrite about it.

Anyway, of course I won't stop them from getting gifts from their grandparents but beyond that matter is the "type" of gifts. Olivia has made no secret of the fact that "all" of her friends have Lululemon hoodies, many of them have more than one. These are 10 yr olds, and Lululemon hoodies cost $98 - $118. I have held off in indulging that whim, but Nannie caught wind of it and wants to get her one. Anna too. Anna is 7. Seven. Se-Ven. Do I want my 7 year old walking around in a hundred dollar fleece sweater? I'm not so sure I do! Now it's not the amount of money, it's what you get for that money. Swimming lessons, good. Basketball net, good. Camera, good. Sweater with a logo... really?

I just don't know about kids so young having things made for adults! I mean, if you get a hundred dollar hoodie at 10, or worse 7... what do you expect at 16? Maybe I am making too much out of it. they are respectful and kind, not "spoiled " pr entitled. I know Liv would be thrilled, and Anna would only want it because Liv has it. Maybe I am just overthinking a stupid sweater, and it's no big deal.

[AZLAB]

I would encourage them to get something they won't grow out of. If they were 14 and the hoodie would fit them through college I would say go for it. But at their age in a few months they will out grow it.

My parents and I have always given my nephew their grandson something based on his conduct grade as how well you behave in class is something that is 100% in your control. My nephew is a smart young man. He just finished his Junior year in high school with a perfect A average for the year so it would have been easy to reward him for grades. But we never gave him a gift for his grades he was expected to work hard. Instead we have always given him a nice gift based on his conduct/citizenship grade. This started in pre-school. Because let's face you always have control on how you behave in class. You may not be the smartest kid in class but you always have control over how you behave.



This year at 17 he wanted his grandparents and I to pay for him to take a computer game design class at the community college this summer. It ran $300 for the class and will be about $200 more for supplies but he will get 4 hours college credit for it. His advance classes in school this year started being dual classes with both high school and college credit if you pay the community college fees. He is also taking a literature class this summer so that by the time he graduates next year he will have his entire freshman year in college completed as he will have 24 hours college credits.
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[Bob Pr.]

Find a middle way.

Such as allowing Nannie to give Olivia the hoodie she longs for -- BUT, having a talk with 'Livia about promotions from grade to grade, what needs to be recognized, special relations of grandparents and grandchildren***, and your expectation that Olivia will do some things to "make up" to Nannie and PawPaw(?) for their over the top generosity.

For Anna, age 7, wanting to have everything her older sister has at the same time her older sister gets it -- that's a VERY understandable reaction. BUT, if that always happened, would it be beneficial to Anna? Should that be rewarded so it becomes more and more entrenched in her future expectations?

No. NOT AT ALL !!!


So Anna probably needs a hoodie that's in the middle of the road of what all her other 7 year old peers are wearing (unless they're way out of line).

That's my take.

================================================== ===========================

*** "special relations of grandparents and grandchildren"

One of my excellent supervisors in doing play therapy with children as a means of understanding them and working through problems, Dr. Haim Ginott, I recall saying -- (half in jest) -- "Is it any wonder grandparents and grandchildren have such a tight bond? -- They have a common enemy!!"

Dr. Haim Ginott quotes

[Sams Mom]

A local brand was huge when I was in middle school. The sweatshirts were $40. My mom never put any stock in labels, but it WAS HUGE in my school. I mean literally people who were cool had them and if you didn't have one you weren't cool. Needless to say, I wasn't cool.

I'd let them get the older girl the hoodie, but if it's not a big deal for the 7 year olds, yet, I say let them be and get an other equally expensive or gift she will think is equally cool. I never got gifts for passing grades. It was expected. It was our job.

[Tanwen]

It wouldn't be an option for Rhiannon as I just don't have that sort of money, but they grow so quickly and change their minds so often I think I'd probably think twice even if I did. She did really well in her tests this month and her reward was a packet of sweets...just as well she can't read this, I'd get hounded...

[HarveysMum]

We dont do grading gifts. If DD does well with her grades then she gets praise from us, if she doesnt do so well then she gets our support to bring her back up to her 'normal' level. As for grandparents, my parents will treat her to a special day out, normally a trip to the zoo or something like that. They have a great time and it means she gets to spend quality time with them.

I do sympathise thou, as a mother of a 13 yr old i know what it is like when they say 'all my friends have it'. Yep, well, all your friends have acne, do you want that too?

[Labs4life]

That's a tough one. Since I raised two girls and now I'm a grandparent I can definetly see both side of this.
We didn't do much gift wise when the girls graduated from one grade to another. Education was very important to us and like you said it was their only job when in school. They were asked and expected to do the best they can.
Now as a grandparent I want to give gifts to the kiddies and I will will use any excuse to do so. One thing that my wife and I do is discuss what we want to give to the Gkids with our daughters first. That certainly helps. Most of our gifts usually consist of paying for dance lessons ,skating lessons and the like.

Now as far as logo clothing I have an entirely different take. My career had landed me in 100s of garment and textile factories as a field engineer for high speed automation. We specialized in garment production. One of the factories where I had equipment was in Russel atheletics which had the contract (years ago) for Major league baseball. Russel supplied baseball players with their uniforms. They also supplied the MLB merchandise to high end sporting stores. Back in the stone age a players baseball Jersey can be bought for $150.00. i did get my girls a jersey of their favorite baseball players as I recieved a heck of a discount. That is as far as I went with logo clothing.

When clothing was produced in North America I knew the money stayed local. Now that most clothing is produced off shore by contract sewing companies I don't care much to spend so much. I've been to India and China and the workers there get peanuts for the articles they produce. I have a difficult time buying logo clothing because of this. I felt it kind of odd to pay to advertise a companies product where the company really doesn't know their producers. Years ago Garment companies knew their work forces as their factories were often in the same state.

Regardless let your parents spoil the grandkids and I'm sure your kids know it is special from them and not to be expected regularly.

[blacklabparent]

Great points, thank you!

One of my excellent supervisors in doing play therapy with children as a means of understanding them and working through problems, Dr. Haim Ginott, I recall saying -- (half in jest) -- "Is it any wonder grandparents and grandchildren have such a tight bond? -- They have a common enemy!!"

So true, I love this. =)

So I think the hoodie will be fine for Liv. Big enough that she can wear it for a bit, and a bonus is when she outgrows it, Anna will get to wear it. It's something she absolutely covets, and i want Mom & Dad (Nannie & Grampy) to be the ones to give it to her rather than Steve and I, especially since we are putting such a distance between them very soon. Anna will want one because Liv has one, and as Bob mentioned, not always a good thing! There have to be some things to look forward to, and a child should not expect to be on par privilege-wise with older siblings. I will try and think of something that Anna would love in that same price range. Although, there are a few kids in her class that wear Lulu... *sigh*, but I suppose the $100 hoodie of today was the $40 hoodie of my youth.

As far as Steve and I go, I think a family dinner out with the grandparents & cousins would be good end of year celebration from us, as well as allowing them to bring one or 2 good friends each along.

[blacklabparent]

That's a tough one. Since I raised two girls and now I'm a grandparent I can definetly see both side of this.
We didn't do much gift wise when the girls graduated from one grade to another. Education was very important to us and like you said it was their only job when in school. They were asked and expected to do the best they can.
Now as a grandparent I want to give gifts to the kiddies and I will will use any excuse to do so. One thing that my wife and I do is discuss what we want to give to the Gkids with our daughters first. That certainly helps. Most of our gifts usually consist of paying for dance lessons ,skating lessons and the like.

Now as far as logo clothing I have an entirely different take. My career had landed me in 100s of garment and textile factories as a field engineer for high speed automation. We specialized in garment production. One of the factories where I had equipment was in Russel atheletics which had the contract (years ago) for Major league baseball. Russel supplied baseball players with their uniforms. They also supplied the MLB merchandise to high end sporting stores. Back in the stone age a players baseball Jersey can be bought for $150.00. i did get my girls a jersey of their favorite baseball players as I recieved a heck of a discount. That is as far as I went with logo clothing.

When clothing was produced in North America I knew the money stayed local. Now that most clothing is produced off shore by contract sewing companies I don't care much to spend so much. I've been to India and China and the workers there get peanuts for the articles they produce. I have a difficult time buying logo clothing because of this. I felt it kind of odd to pay to advertise a companies product where the company really doesn't know their producers. Years ago Garment companies knew their work forces as their factories were often in the same state.

Regardless let your parents spoil the grandkids and I'm sure your kids know it is special from them and not to be expected regularly.

I hear you. One good thing is, Lululemon is a Canadian company, and 50% of their product is made in Canada.

[jzgrlduff]

If it were me, I'd say let them buy them both the Lulu hoodies and then tell the girls that they are to donate them when they outgrow them.

I mean, if you get a hundred dollar hoodie at 10, or worse 7... what do you expect at 16?

You said it yourself, they are respectful and kind, not spoiled or entitled. I wouldn't worry about that.