JL Book Club: The Help Discussion Thread:

[Retriever Mama]

1. Who was your favorite character? Why?

2. What do you think motivated Hilly? On one hand she’s so unpleasant to Aibileen and her own help, as well as to Skeeter once she realizes she can’t control her. But she’s a wonderful mother. Do you think you can be a good mother but at the same time a deeply flawed person?

3. Like Hilly, Skeeter’s mother is a prime example of someone deeply flawed yet somewhat sympathetic. She seems to care for Skeeter – and she also seems to have very real feelings for Constantine. Yet the ultimatum she gives to Constantine is untenable. And most of her interaction with Skeeter is critical. Do you think Skeeter’s mother is a sympathetic or unsympathetic character? Why?

4. How much of a person’s character do you think is shaped by the times in which they live?

5. Did it bother you that Skeeter is willing to overlook so many of Stuart’s faults so that she can get married, and it’s not until he literally gets up and walks away that the engagement falls apart?

6. Do you think Minny was justified in her distrust of white people?

7. Do you think that had Aibileen stayed working for Miss Elizabeth, that Mae Mobley would have grown up to be racist like her mother? Do you think racism is inherent, or taught?

8. From the perspective of a 21st century reader, the hair shellac system that Skeeter undergoes seems ludicrous. Yet women still alter their looks in rather peculiar ways as the definition of “beauty” changes with the times. Looking back on your past, what’s the most ridiculous beauty regimen you ever underwent?

9. The author manages to paint Aibileen with a quiet grace and an aura of wisdom about her. How do you think she does this?

10. Do you think there are still vestiges of racism in relationships where people of color work for people who are white? Have you heard stories of someone who put away their valuable jewelry before their nanny comes – so they trust this person to look after their child, but not their diamond rings?

11. What did you think about Minny’s pie for Miss Hilly? Would you have gone as far as Minny did for revenge?

[Retriever Mama]

1. Who was your favorite character? Why? Tie between Skeeter and Minny. Skeeter because I enjoyed watching her come into her own and despite how scary the choices she had to make were she managed to find the strength to do the right thing. Minny because I enjoyed hearing her inner monologue and then watch what actually came out of her mouth.

2. What do you think motivated Hilly? On one hand she’s so unpleasant to Aibileen and her own help, as well as to Skeeter once she realizes she can’t control her. But she’s a wonderful mother. Do you think you can be a good mother but at the same time a deeply flawed person? I think Hilly was so caught up her own selfish world, which included her children, that everything revolved around her own biased point of view. I do think a deeply flawed person can be a good mother… to a certain degree. But there will come a point when those children will have a better understanding of the world around them and then they will have to make a decision between acting like their mother or doing what’s right.

3. Like Hilly, Skeeter’s mother is a prime example of someone deeply flawed yet somewhat sympathetic. She seems to care for Skeeter – and she also seems to have very real feelings for Constantine. Yet the ultimatum she gives to Constantine is untenable. And most of her interaction with Skeeter is critical. Do you think Skeeter’s mother is a sympathetic or unsympathetic character? Why? I found Skeeter’s mother to be a sympathetic character because of her illness and because her criticism was based on her outdated view of what was proper and expected of a woman during changing times. You have to decide whether you think a person can change after a certain amount of their life has passed. Hilly…she’s young and has the opportunity to learn from the world around her and change her bigotry. Skeeter’s mom is set in her ways and, again due to her illness, I don’t think would have had the emotional strength to deeply question her inner beliefs when confronted with them.

4. How much of a person’s character do you think is shaped by the times in which they live? I’d say a lot. To conform or to go against the ways of one’s current society’s expectations can be a struggle.

5. Did it bother you that Skeeter is willing to overlook so many of Stuart’s faults so that she can get married, and it’s not until he literally gets up and walks away that the engagement falls apart? No, because I believe she did love him…the illusion of him and what he represented. So many women fall in love with the same thing…and the belief that they can change the man…many don’t get the chance to learn the truth before its too late.

6. Do you think Minny was justified in her distrust of white people? Yes. Minny is all about self preservation and the only way to keep herself safe was to trust no one.

7. Do you think that had Aibileen stayed working for Miss Elizabeth, that Mae Mobley would have grown up to be racist like her mother? Do you think racism is inherent, or taught? No, I don’t think she would have. And I’d like to think that she won’t even though Aibileen is gone. I think suspicion of anything that is different is inherent. I think racism, bigotry and intolerance are taught.

8. From the perspective of a 21st century reader, the hair shellac system that Skeeter undergoes seems ludicrous. Yet women still alter their looks in rather peculiar ways as the definition of “beauty” changes with the times. Looking back on your past, what’s the most ridiculous beauty regimen you ever underwent? Sun-In in the 80’s. Turned my brown hair orange. I rocked the look.

9. The author manages to paint Aibileen with a quiet grace and an aura of wisdom about her. How do you think she does this? Because Aibileen is a woman with heart who knows the score and keeps up appearances. She acts as expected. Her quiet rebellion as one of the contributors to the novel was her only act of defiance and yet she made sure it was kept quiet.

10. Do you think there are still vestiges of racism in relationships where people of color work for people who are white? Have you heard stories of someone who put away their valuable jewelry before their nanny comes – so they trust this person to look after their child, but not their diamond rings? Yes I do. I hear of trucking companies that trust their good to minority drivers, but make sure they aren’t allowed in the offices of the company. Homes that have housekeepers or gardeners that keep certain rooms locked. And thus the invention of nanny cam.

11. What did you think about Minny’s pie for Miss Hilly? Would you have gone as far as Minny did for revenge? I’m still not sure if she actually put something in the pie. I didn’t find the final revelation of the pie story conclusive. I don’t know that I would have done something like that.

[Jefferson'n'Ted]

1. Who was your favorite character? Why? Abileen, definitely. She had an inner strength and grace that a lot of us could emulate. Skeeter was easy to like, but I have a sneaking suspicion that her motives were pretty selfish. She wanted to make a name as an author and used those who were powerless to fight back.

2. What do you think motivated Hilly? On one hand she’s so unpleasant to Aibileen and her own help, as well as to Skeeter once she realizes she can’t control her. But she’s a wonderful mother. Do you think you can be a good mother but at the same time a deeply flawed person?
Hilly was acting in what she thought was her own self interest. Her mothering was in her own self interest. Look at the way she treated her mama. I thought she was the most evil of the entire book.

3. Like Hilly, Skeeter’s mother is a prime example of someone deeply flawed yet somewhat sympathetic. She seems to care for Skeeter – and she also seems to have very real feelings for Constantine. Yet the ultimatum she gives to Constantine is untenable. And most of her interaction with Skeeter is critical. Do you think Skeeter’s mother is a sympathetic or unsympathetic character? Why?
While I felt sorry for her illness, I didn't much like her. She was too bound by what her rural society rules decreed. I don't think she put her daughter's interests first very often.

4. How much of a person’s character do you think is shaped by the times in which they live?
Quite a bit. I think we all are shaped by the society around us. It is very hard to break out of the confines.

5. Did it bother you that Skeeter is willing to overlook so many of Stuart’s faults so that she can get married, and it’s not until he literally gets up and walks away that the engagement falls apart?
I think this was another example of Skeeter's shallowness. She wanted to be married so badly that she overlooked many of Stuart's character flaws.

6. Do you think Minny was justified in her distrust of white people?
Oh definitely. At that time and in that area of the country, very few white people would have testified for a black person.

7. Do you think that had Aibileen stayed working for Miss Elizabeth, that Mae Mobley would have grown up to be racist like her mother? Do you think racism is inherent, or taught?
I think children can't help but pick up some of their parents prejudices. But I like to think that Mae grew up to overcome those.

8. From the perspective of a 21st century reader, the hair shellac system that Skeeter undergoes seems ludicrous. Yet women still alter their looks in rather peculiar ways as the definition of “beauty” changes with the times. Looking back on your past, what’s the most ridiculous beauty regimen you ever underwent?
Oh I did the Sun In also. And ironed my hair straight with an old steam iron!

9. The author manages to paint Aibileen with a quiet grace and an aura of wisdom about her. How do you think she does this?

10. Do you think there are still vestiges of racism in relationships where people of color work for people who are white? Have you heard stories of someone who put away their valuable jewelry before their nanny comes – so they trust this person to look after their child, but not their diamond rings?
I think there are vestiges of prejudices between people of quite a few different ethnic backgrounds--not just black/white.

11. What did you think about Minny’s pie for Miss Hilly? Would you have gone as far as Minny did for revenge?[/QUOTE]
I was never clear on whether she actually put that special ingredient in the pie or only told Hilly that she did. And no, I don't think I could go that far.

[sunshyne]

1. Who was your favorite character? Why? My favorite character is Aibileen (with Skeeter in a close second). Even with the life she's been forced to live, and all the loses she's had, she still keeps her head high. She takes care of Mae like she's her own daughter, because her mother could care less about her. What I like most about her is that through all of this, she's the first one willing to work with Skeeter towards change, despite the possible repercussions. She's such a motherly character to her "white kids" and Milly and Skeeter. By how the character acts and speaks, you get the feeling that she's a genuinely honest and loving person.

2. What do you think motivated Hilly? On one hand she’s so unpleasant to Aibileen and her own help, as well as to Skeeter once she realizes she can’t control her. But she’s a wonderful mother. Do you think you can be a good mother but at the same time a deeply flawed person? I think power and status motivated her because she's terrified to lose either one. Everyone that knows her practically bows to her every time she walks through a room, no matter what they think of her. Once Skeeter deviated from the group's patterns, Hilly did everything she could to discredit her before anything could be done to soil Hilly's name. And she's horrid to her help just because she knows she can be without consequences (except for the pie). I think she's a wonderful mother so she can receive love and affection from her kids whenever she can while she molds them to be just like her. Yeah, deeply flawed people can be great parents, just like people with fewer flaws can be horrible parents.

3. Like Hilly, Skeeter’s mother is a prime example of someone deeply flawed yet somewhat sympathetic. She seems to care for Skeeter – and she also seems to have very real feelings for Constantine. Yet the ultimatum she gives to Constantine is untenable. And most of her interaction with Skeeter is critical. Do you think Skeeter’s mother is a sympathetic or unsympathetic character? Why? I think overall, she's sympathetic but just conveys it in her own way. No matter how critical she is of Skeeter, I feel she just wants to help her be the best she can be (with fashion and men specifically). She feels Skeeter can't do this without her help and get the outcome that she wants Skeeter to end up with, but she has Skeeter's best interests in mind for the most part. The ultimatum she gave Constantine is heartbreaking, but her mother was stuck in her ways. She acted the only way she knew how to, and she did say she missed Constantine, well her work anyways. I think the fact that she didn't flaunt around the fact that she sent Constantine packing shows that she was sympathetic to the situation. Again, the mother's generation was stuck in their ways. The help was never more than that, no matter the fact that they raised your kids and ran your parties. They're all seen as disposable.

4. How much of a person’s character do you think is shaped by the times in which they live? I think a portion is based on the times, and the rest is based on what you want to do about the times. For example, Hilly clearly doesn't want to change what's going on in the 60's, whereas Skeeter has a more sympathetic view. But Constantine raised Skeeter, and reminds me of how Aibileen raised Mae with a more equal view of the world. Depending on how you were raised influences how open or closed minded a person is to the things happening around them.

5. Did it bother you that Skeeter is willing to overlook so many of Stuart’s faults so that she can get married, and it’s not until he literally gets up and walks away that the engagement falls apart? Yeah, a little bit, but she had the 'rose colored glasses' on and was just happy that someone was in her life telling her she's beautiful when she's heard the opposite for the majority of her life. She let herself dismiss Stuart's flaws easily so she can start living her mother's idea of life. Once she tells him about her writing and how she feels about it all, she's still living in the fantasy. Once he walks away, I think it finally clicks that this isn't the way life's going to go for her...She's not meant to live her mother's life.

6. Do you think Minny was justified in her distrust of white people? Yes and no. No, because I think she began working with a chip on her shoulder before she experienced the world herself, and didn't change from that mindset. Yes, because of all the things she lived through and how quickly the white people she worked with discredited her reputation.

7. Do you think that had Aibileen stayed working for Miss Elizabeth, that Mae Mobley would have grown up to be racist like her mother? Do you think racism is inherent, or taught? I think Mae Mobley would have had a more equal way of thinking if Aibileen stayed. She would still grow up in a racist environment at school and at with her parents. With Aibileen at home as her mother figure, Mae would be given a look at both sides of the 'line', and learn that the color of your skin isn't a problem. I definitely think racism is taught.

8. From the perspective of a 21st century reader, the hair shellac system that Skeeter undergoes seems ludicrous. Yet women still alter their looks in rather peculiar ways as the definition of “beauty” changes with the times. Looking back on your past, what’s the most ridiculous beauty regimen you ever underwent? Thank God nothing like what that poor girl went through with her hair!

9. The author manages to paint Aibileen with a quiet grace and an aura of wisdom about her. How do you think she does this? She does is by giving Aibileen a background of pain and loss, but the power of prayer and positive thinking. She's also raised a lot of kids, and with all the moving around through her life, she's gotten a well rounded view way of thinking because she's seen so much. She doesn't judge as much as the majority of the characters do either, which helps paint her as a gracious person as well, even with all the pain she's been through.

10. Do you think there are still vestiges of racism in relationships where people of color work for people who are white? Have you heard stories of someone who put away their valuable jewelry before their nanny comes – so they trust this person to look after their child, but not their diamond rings? I do, and I feel it still comes back to what kind of environment the person was raised in. Yeah, I've heard of locking up the valuables, which reminds me of Elizabeth in the book, where she cares more about status and stuff rather than her children (God forbid if the silver comes up missing, but don't worry about locking up the kids!!)

11. What did you think about Minny’s pie for Miss Hilly? Would you have gone as far as Minny did for revenge? I think it was hilarious! And Hilly had each slice coming to her, but I don't think I'd have the nerve to pull that off. But the icing on the cake is when Miss Walters put Hilly's name in for the cake at auction!

[BauersMom]

1. Who was your favorite character? Minny Why? I loved that she stood up for herself to the white women she worked for. She wasn’t afraid to tell them what she thought, even it if meant getting fired. I wanted to kill her husband, but that is a different story.

2. What do you think motivated Hilly? I think Hilly was motivated by fear. Fear of the unknown and fear of anything she couldn’t control. On one hand she’s so unpleasant to Aibileen and her own help, as well as to Skeeter once she realizes she can’t control her. But she’s a wonderful mother. Do you think you can be a good mother but at the same time a deeply flawed person? Her kids were very young, and very controllable. Just because she is a good mother now, doesn’t mean she would be a good mother when the kids were old enough to think for themselves and start to rebel. She was unpleasant to the “help” because she thought she was better than them, she was unpleasant to Skeeter because she couldn’t control her anymore.

3. Like Hilly, Skeeter’s mother is a prime example of someone deeply flawed yet somewhat sympathetic. She seems to care for Skeeter – and she also seems to have very real feelings for Constantine. Yet the ultimatum she gives to Constantine is untenable. And most of her interaction with Skeeter is critical. Do you think Skeeter’s mother is a sympathetic or unsympathetic character? Why? In the beginning she was very unsympathetic, but toward the end she was a more likable character. She was concerned about Skeeter’s likelihood of finding a husband, which was pretty common for that time. As Skeeter became more self-sufficient, more self-confident, her mother started to trust her more and see her as more of an equal.

4. How much of a person’s character do you think is shaped by the times in which they live? I think it has a lot to do with it. In a time when segregation was just starting to end, people were still afraid . . . they didn’t know anything else. The information that people had access to was restricted. People only know what they know, and they don’t know what they don’t know. They make decisions based on the people they are surrounded by and the society in which they live.

5. Did it bother you that Skeeter is willing to overlook so many of Stuart’s faults so that she can get married, and it’s not until he literally gets up and walks away that the engagement falls apart? It bothered me, but in that time getting married was so important to a woman (and her family). I’m sure a lot of women overlooked a lot of faults just so they didn’t end up spinsters.

6. Do you think Minny was justified in her distrust of white people? Yes, I’m sure she felt like it was “us against them” all of the time (and it was). The people she worked for could lie about anything they wanted, and make her virtually unemployable.

7. Do you think that had Aibileen stayed working for Miss Elizabeth, that Mae Mobley would have grown up to be racist like her mother? She probably still would have, but I think because she wanted her mom’s acceptance so much. As she got older she probably would have done anything and shaped her beliefs to be more accepted by Elizabeth. Do you think racism is inherent, or taught? Kids aren’t born knowing anything about racism, it is definitely taught. Unfortunately kids mirror what they see; good and bad.

8. From the perspective of a 21st century reader, the hair shellac system that Skeeter undergoes seems ludicrous. Yet women still alter their looks in rather peculiar ways as the definition of “beauty” changes with the times. Looking back on your past, what’s the most ridiculous beauty regimen you ever underwent? I spent 10+ years getting my hair chemically straightened every 12 weeks or so. Stupid.

9. The author manages to paint Aibileen with a quiet grace and an aura of wisdom about her. How do you think she does this? A lot of it is how other people react to her. People trust her (both black and white). The white women give her their used clothes (when they wouldn’t do it for the others), everyone seems to like her.

10. Do you think there are still vestiges of racism in relationships where people of color work for people who are white? It’s sad, but I think there are. Have you heard stories of someone who put away their valuable jewelry before their nanny comes – so they trust this person to look after their child, but not their diamond rings? Not necessarily with housekeepers/nannies that are black, but in general yes. I have a friend that locks her jewelry in a safe before her housekeeper or babysitter come over.

11. What did you think about Minny’s pie for Miss Hilly? I was shocked. When she talked about the pie, I always thought that she shoved one in her face or something. Would you have gone as far as Minny did for revenge? I used to scrub the toilet with my older brothers’ tooth brushes as a kid . . . so yeah I would. There is only so much she can do, and I felt the same way. I couldn’t beat my brothers up, I couldn’t get them in trouble . . . I did what I could do.

[zoezoe]

sorry i haven't had time to do the questions.

i absolutely LOVED this book; loved the audio; can't wait for the movie!!!

[Jefferson'n'Ted]

I enjoy reading. And this book was a great read. But the discussions, not so much. Is it just me? Does anyone else feel this way? It doesn't seem as though we get much response on the discussion threads. Can we get a different discussion format?

[zoezoe]

I agree, Brenda. I have to think too hard to answer the questions. lol
Maybe if we came to the thread and gave our "review" of the book, sort of like you can do on Goodreads. If anyone is on Goodreads; would love to "friend" you on there. It also has a f/b app where you can log your books into there. Helps me keep up with ones I have read and also see how other people are rating the books.

[Retriever Mama]

I've never done a book club before so I have just been posting questions from other discussion groups...we can review the books in whatever way we like

[Jan]

I finally got the book from the library (waiting list) and really liked it. I found all three characters believable and didn't have a preference for one over the other. It was interesting that Skeeter was the one to be most ostracized by her peers, while there was a real feeling of community amongst the help.

I was born in 1955, so don't really remember all this historically, and was raised in a city that was predominately WASP (white anglo-saxon protestant) - in fact, I didn't even see a black person until I was 11 or 12, on a trip to the US. Of course, much has changed since then! Ottawa is very multi-cultural now; a good thing.

Although we were comforable financially, people didn't have maids and such, my mother was a SAH mom and did it all herself. So I found those aspects of the book fascinating, to think people had household help, every day!

Today, people reading this book are horrified by the treatment given to the maids, but I wonder two things: some people must still be alive who felt this way -- have they changed, or do they just keep their prejudices to themselves? and, it seems that the prejudices simply change; no longer black/white, but Mexican or East Indian. How often have you heard negative things expressed or "jokes" about Mexicans. plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose